Just realized I ain't ate in like 2 days. Love 2 have a recurring eating disorder.

[ROB ZOMBIE, ABOUT TO WRITE ONE OF THE BEST SONGS EVER MADE] you ever think about the car grandpa munster drives

Hell yeah

oh my god no

I'm glad you clarified Bender from Futurama, I wouldve thought another Bender.

A huge redneck in a beat up red pickup truck just rode by BLARING "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At The Disco. Haha, Hell Yeah, Brother.

Most anything by Kurt Vonnegut. Reading BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS a little too young really had an affect on me. He had a very similar worldview to mine. Yeah, things are ridiculous, silly, and often terrible, but you have to do your best to make things Right, or at least Better.

Imagine how out of date all the jokes in GTA6 are gonna be

bisexual napping

A24 Farts Johnson biopic written as a broad comedy but directed and performed like Part 18 of "Twin Peaks: The Return"

The Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost Fucker

that poor person lmao

oh SHIT, I just realized I can probably fit into my 40-year-old Max Headroom shirt again. Haven't been able to wear that since I was a teenager.

we all didn't!

I mean it's pretty clear cut at this point, isn't it? No one did.

yeah, i reckon

If I ever win a massive lottery, I'm a help friends and family, open a gigantic animal sanctuary, and start dressing like The Third Doctor everywhere I go. Priorities.

Because of the various meds I'm on, I'm not supposed to get a lot of sun, which is a pain, because I'd like to see how I look with a darker complexion these days. As a teen, I was outside a lot most days, and stayed very dark-skinned. Went well with my dark hair.

I almost died right before my 39th birthday in late August. Since then, my nervousness about meeting people has dropped away. I spent too long spending most of my time alone, worrying. My landlords; family & friends have all noticed a huge change. Too bad it took, ya know, almost dying to get there

got a DNA test. Turns out I'm 40% Master Shake, 30% ALF, 10% Ernest P. Worrell, 10% Bender from Futurama, 5% Doc Brown, and 5% Pee-Wee Herman. This adds up.

lol like 4 years ago. Got burned out on dating. why do the people and/or bots on NGL keep asking about my love life?? I'm not that interesting.

forehead is very powerful today

there ain't shit to do in Macon, GA today. lol

woo, god damn, my depression is trying to cut in deep today

Wow I think I knew two or three of you in 2003

I've been into The Cure since about 17, and people were always shocked that I loved them, because I was the beardy Hawaiian Shirted guy, and I legit used to say to them "I contain multitudes, mother fucker." lol

I guess I'm Dragon, Ice, Glitch, Dark, and Water all at once

Fifth wave ska, here we come!

My next step in changing my appearance is returning to my 2003 horrible blond hair and yellow Hawaiian shirt (which i still have)

"Hello, good evening, welcome! I'm Farts Johnson!" [pause for applause] [dance offstage to music that only I can hear]

You're gonna do a great commencement speech

You youtube.com/shorts/xWJSD...

My oldest nephew has started telling his friends that his uncle's name is Farts Johnson and they all think he's full of shit. Wait til they meet me in a couple years at their high school graduation.

me watching leftovers being reheated in the microwave

quote with your favorite film and album from the year you were born

yes, Farts Johnson has an attorney. lmao

I instructed my lawyer to change my will to say, at my funeral, as my casket is lowered into the grave, the worst song I've ever heard has to blast from the hole on repeat til the casket is buried. That's right, everyone's gonna have to deal with "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band while they cry.

Dr Oz talking about obesity, diabetes and dementia while Trump is slumped over like a man minutes from death is supremely funny content

That's Farts Johnson's Necronomicon

oh SHIT, I just realized I can probably fit into my 40-year-old Max Headroom shirt again. Haven't been able to wear that since I was a teenager.

"Ah! Ah! His swarthiness calls to mind a Mediterranean privateer or footpad! I must repair to the safety of my aunts' abode!"

STORY TIME WITH UNCLE FARTS

BREAKING: JON ARBUCKLE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AT THE MET GALA

I think about this Achewood literally every day

Lovecraft would have been horrified by Farts Johnson

eh, good enough. bit shocked at how positively everyone reacted to my shorter hair/beard and weight loss, but that was a pleasant surprise at least

I will never be as incredible as Senor Cardgage, Elizagerth.