browsing the internet used to feel like you were uncovering hidden new zones and getting rid of fog of war now it’s like a bunch of cannibal maniacs are chasing after you with crossbows trying to roast you alive

ICE is sending its least qualified candidates to the front lines.

Returning home from a walk, wore my long bow. UPS delivery driver pulls up, asks: "You're the 'long bow guy'?" Me: Yes. UPS: Guy tried to take your stuff, neighbor said that you would be mad. Me:: That's true. UPS: Man carries a bow, he won't be missing. Later, y'all. My neighbors look out for me.

Zohran Mamdani's best ad yet.

Starting the year with excellent news! I'm stoked.

Happy New Year! I start my next movie on Monday! LFG ‘26!

Imagine living in late 19th century Vienna. Eating strudel, going to the opera, & enjoying the new revelations of Freud- that it’s all about the penis

they’re never going to air the CECOT segment

they created a content gold rush for clout if you’re conservative and decide to go film and harass random peoples children

tech fan: my phone tells me when i’m thirsty weathered sea captain: dolphins are the devil’s children

Stop yelling, stop. Okay, yeah, anyways - yes, you have concerns, we'll get to that. Right, well, okay. What kind of ketchup is best as a blood substitute? There's people behind me in line and they're getting all kinds of upset at me. Also, I got dish soap. The orange-scented kind. Love you, bye.

Ok I know people hated the Stranger Things finale and people loved the Stranger Things finale but I personally thought it was ok and it ended on the scene I wanted the most in the world. I was so relieved it's finally over I felt like a resident of Hawkins lmao

There have been no good reasons for staying on Twitter for years now, but at this point you will have to follow up any of your remaining excuses with “…and I don’t care about the child pornography.”

10/10. No fucking notes.

(after killing several people) alright look nobody has to die tonight

who is your favorite shrek I’ll go first: Shrek

Shoegaze but with Lt. Cmdr. Worf's shimmering dulcet tones floating over the music

woke up to a massive crashing sound - foster cat decided it was a great idea to jump on my highest shelf and ripped it out of the wall. 🙂

i’m performing freelance unlicensed and uninsured baptisms

(at a funeral) can we talk about something else i mean he’s literally gone

In case you thought they just meant undocumented immigrants…

The man wants to take a metric shit ton of aspirin so his blood is super thin? I say let him. Let him cook.

My New Year's resolution is 720p, although just for data-saving reasons.

My New Year's resolve is already waning.

What a website!

My worst movie of 2025:

Some news — George Santos has fled NYC due to Zohran Mamdani.

using a fleshlight as a candle mold

dragging my algorithm kicking and screaming to the videos of hot people painting warhammer and the videos of international cooking and not letting it go until its learnt its lesson

You say you want a revolution yet there you are, smiling with all your white teeth and wearing clothes, Mr. Mayor. Check and mate.

My top 3 movies of 2025, in no particular order seems to be Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 I Know What You Did Last Summer Weapons I’m actually surprised these were the ones I had the most fun with.

sometimes I’ll make a joke to my wife and she’ll roll her eyes and ask if I’m “gonna post that one on bluesky.” I mean, yes, but her tone is very hurtful

picking up that white baddie by letting her know i'm really into her culture, like yacht rock and bread

💰

Me: If you get off on beating yourself up, and you've cloned yourself, is it assault, self-abuse, or masturbation? Interviewer: I meant, "questions about the job," please leave.

Official.

10/10, no notes.

I cannot fully express how much I need a cheese toastie right now

we see The seasons alter: hoary-headed frosts Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose

i love that media predicting future worlds was always like “we’ll have super powers and are connected directly into technology itself” but instead all we have in reality are robots that can be used to undress and sexually harass women

Happy New Year. THERE. I said it & I really mean it, even though the odds are it will be every bit as challenging & frustrating as the last one.

huffing the fuck out of my cats

Just caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror of the work truck and realized I look exactly like all the old drunks I used to hang out with in my 20s

My initial complaint about Stranger Things is that it gave unrealistic expectations about how often that a gaming group could get together regularly. It was easier to believe in dimensional travel and psychic children.

the main complaint i have about stranger things is that would never happen in a place like indiana

What was the last movie you watched in 2025

Look at you ridiculously wonderful lovelies.

a worm-eaten nut.