me, lounging in my sitting room in a smoking jacket with a snifter of brandy: computer. show me videos of overweight housepets at weight-loss camp. computer: very good sir. now playing "overweight tabby gets stuck in window trying to escape vet office". me, swirling my brandy: fantastic.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

my dream: so zakk wylde is actually jack black in disguise me, nodding thoughtfully: yes, it makes sense. what else have we discovered?

using sacred geometry to depict myself as the pneumatic and you as the hylic

if you're proper goth you either have a skinny puppy tattoo or a neubauten tattoo and i like puppy more

i need to get a skinny puppy tattoo i've decided

hey @trans.bsky.social can u rt this post i want to use your powers for evil

post your industrial music takes that would get you banned from an early 2000s goth message board for me, it's that the best skinny puppy album was the one produced and mixed by ministry, and that the best ministry song is a skinny puppy cover

went to a funeral. made a new lesbian friend.

Love that new gender smell.

TGIF, i'm off to a funeral

decades of "lol the french are cheese-eating surrender monkeys" seems funnier in a different way when you realise the french public will burn down the government if it even looks at them wrong while the american people are the most house-broken nation in existence

my diet is 112% protein. the extra 12% is because every eighth meal i have consists of two different types of meat.

using the micro blogging web site in the proper way: saying something completely out of pocket and getting a dopamine rush when people yell at you

help help i'm being bullied. i'm being bullied on blue sky dot com

like, i get it. i understand how it all works. when i get shown, like, a very attractive woman with tattoos painting warhammers or a very attractive woman with blue hair talking about cooking, that's just how it works. shit i love when it's just, like, random shit plus fanservice.

yelling at the algorithm for daring to show me videos of hot alt girls while sliding a crisp dollar bill across the table and winking

pretty sure i'm the only person on the planet with my first and last name combination. the only other i can find was born 1707.

this is very much not live más

especially excited to watch australian labor, a government i'm already never going to vote for again in my life, somehow back what's going on so i can never again vote for them even harder

found a 50$ crossing the road in front of my apartment building and i'm of an age i guess where my first thought was that i hope fifty dollars isn't a lot of money for whoever dropped it

tfw u get a djinn who interprets WAI instead of the more common WAW

my brain, 98% of the time

"introduce yourself by what almost killed you?" mother fucker i'll sound like a member of the adeptus custodes

one of the great parts of having an asian supermarket a street over is youll be picking up your regulars like some rice noodle or some freezer gyoza or nyonya curry paste or whatever that's missing and you'll walk past something unknown & interesting and you just go fuck it i'm going to try this too

u know when homethey thinks they're a yme-loc when in reality they're a lugganath

deglazing the bottom of your shower with some chicken stock and a nice merlot

my parents' dog has realised that my nephew will drop parts of his dinner to the floor as he eats, but she hasn't quite managed to perfect the procedure quite yet

lipstick lesbians? wake me up when we get to corpse paint lesbians

but then i go to far and i start getting the painting videos that show people doing literal witchcraft (OSL and NMM)

dragging my algorithm kicking and screaming to the videos of hot people painting warhammer and the videos of international cooking and not letting it go until its learnt its lesson

dropping bombs on your mombs

using a fleshlight as a candle mold

picking up that white baddie by letting her know i'm really into her culture, like yacht rock and bread

really looking forward to gen alpha embracing chuck norris jokes as a sort of nostalgic meta-irony

sometimes I’ll make a joke to my wife and she’ll roll her eyes and ask if I’m “gonna post that one on bluesky.” I mean, yes, but her tone is very hurtful

workshopping a post about how now that NYE/NYD is over now is the week of only eating takeout but it's not really flowing but i'm not going to force it, that's not a good posting energy to bring into 2026

how about we make it a rule to call it "jizz" on this platform?

five hours sleep, a shower, and some chinese food, and i am back to life. I AM INDESTRUCTIBLE.

[shoving yeats into a locker] how’s the gyre fuckass

we are going to make it through this year if it kills us

finally got home, 8:32 am lol

pretty stereotyped of me to find myself in the doll corner almost immediately at the goth/punk nye club

at the club and covenant of going off its like 20 years ago

alright, time to head out for nye. bring it on, 2026

john wick and some other guy are in my apartment using everything i own as weapons and i really don't think they're planning to clean any of it up

i'm also old enough to know to throw a pair of shorts and a comfortable shirt into my satchel in case we go to someone's apartment afterwards to get high so that i can change out of tight and uncomfortable clubbing clothing

going out clubbing for new years eve in my 40s mainly because i don't have any children so i can do so

telling your boyfriend you're going to show him paris and then he has the gall to be angry when your work husband and personal trainer show up