equality win: cis people are afraid of airport security

what's wrong, babe? you haven't stopped hitting your panic button for 6 years

the world may be extra fucked these days, but i think it's nice that the straits get to have their moment in the sun. this is *your* month babes!

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to put on a tactical vest and go to the newark airport at 6 am on monday. your order is to wander around like a confused oaf. when a mom drops her sandwich at jersey mike's and scares you, pull out your gun and start shooting. good luck soldier

they call it "peripheral vision" because you use it to look at keyboards

so. everyone's standing around the giant pot they're going to boil me in soon chanting "Soup! Soup! Soup!" and while i'm enjoying being the centre of attention, i can't help but feel it isn't going to be all positive..

maybe this dog-eat-dog world of ours needs a little less *ex*foliation and a little more *in*foliation, you know?

Wow! Local Woman *Doesn't* Scream For Ten Thousand Years Even Though That Would Be Pretty Reasonable At This Point? Banshees *Hate* Her!

they're sending me to purgatory tomorrow. they're gonna make me roam the grey & featureless plains for eternity. so you can imagine how much of a struggle it's going to be to get my enrichment

DETECTIVE: she's giving us absolutely nothing captain, hasn't said a word CAPTAIN: damn it, she must be a pro! unless... is she tapping in morse code? ME: [severe anxiety disordermaxxing] SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...

welcome to the Dementia-Nuke Zone. try not to think about how you're in the Dementia-Nuke Zone. enjoy your stay in the Dementia-Nuke Zone!

ME: i'm telling you, it's a great idea! The Breakfast and the Breakfurious Club! crossovers! memes! nostalgia! it'll *print* money! STUDIO EXEC: i've heard enough. security? ME: [getting dragged out] don't you forget about me! STUDIO EXEC: [twirling his 1920s villain moustache] oh, i won't...

they're calling it "becca's bedtime". it's unclear what they mean by this

"am i an expert? no. but one of my friends has a hyperfixation on this topic, so i'm the next best thing" — me in an action movie type situation where the plot hinges on lana del rey facts, for some reason

success! gecko crawled out of the slippery bathtub after i made a little ladder of bathmat they could climb up! they waited at least a few hours before they left, probably not trusting that big clumsy human wasn't lying in wait, but they did eventually leave and may survive!

when there was only one set of footprints in the sand, my child, it is then that i abandoned you. i left your ass lol

a one dollar buys you barely anything, but many one dollar buys you a lot. they should really fix this

making a series of strange & unexpected noises to indicate i am either happy & content or agitated & upset

did anyone ever copy over November Kelly's John Wick tweets to bsky? that thread killed me back in the day (like all the characters in john wick)

hey, i just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a number, 6-7 baybeeeee

the newly released Pissing 2.0 update introduces cross-pee, widestream support, & a sandbox mode

i hate the brain. that's where the thoughts live

stone butch easter bunny or femboy santa claus? answer quickly, i don't have much time

i was possessed to create this and i can only apologise

Actually i can tolerate a cis playing a trans character but they do gotta take the HRT and if its a cis man playing a trans woman we will have to take your balls as reparations

comedy is so hard. you have to be funny every time, but the hecklers only have to be funny once

"LGBT" stands for "Let's Go Brush (our) Teeth"

escape room? never! room is the only safe place

dilly- if you must, but i draw the line at dallying!

one of the worst ways to be taken is aback. second only to being taken like in hit movie taken. actually also advantage of, that's a bad way to be taken

continuing my ongoing campaign of whistling back at the birds to show my support for birds & bird noises

for those favoured by authority, to be denied entry into the halls of power is treated as a kind of death. for the rest of us, they can't muster the same kind of concern for our *literal deaths*

it's funny because i give it 50% odds that Musk is simply so incredibly humourless & uncharismatic a person that he thinks this makes his son look good, vs that he thought this was a great white supremacist dogwhistle

lot more growls & hisses in my vocal stims than usual today, which probably portends great things for my mental health

bouncing on it like i'm entering the konami code

bouncing on it not because it is easy, but because it is hard

being a sex-repulsed audhd bitch is hard because i need to stim by saying shit like "bouncing on it most impiously" but in a way that doesn't have people taking it as an invitation to be sexual at me

bouncing on it like boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past

bouncing on it like a heterodox free-thinking iconoclast (very badly)

When a post goes beyond the same 5 people who like everything

formal proposal of a replacement for the vince mcmahon meme format

you're all being very mean about my milksop failson Saxon even though he's actually based? and epic??

All the Saxon Musk posting reminds me of one of the all-timers

if you die on a hill online you will be carried to vallhalla by the valkyries, to feast eternally with the great main characters of lore

sorry for acting out. i didn't get enough enrichment in my enclosure today

rolling my whole body like a crocodile clutching its prey in its jaws, just because

so it turns out i love this show. not clear at this point if it's going to be awesome beyond ep 4, but i've really liked it so far! there have been fun decisions with the cinematography, possibly inspired by the webtoon it's based on, and it's got a lot of patience to stick with the sad scenes

Never ask a woman her AGE 🤷🏻‍♀️ a man his SALARY 🤷🏻‍♂️ or a one nation candidate what happened that time they were charged with KIDNAPPED CHILDREN 🤦🏼

ME: heh, fuck around and find out DETECTIVE CASANOVA HOLMES, MALE GIGOLO: that is the general idea, yeah