slate
@pleasebegneiss.bsky.social
📤 60832
📥 460
📝 4947
egg
pinned post!
since bluesky doesn’t have a drafts folder i’m just going to write my drafts under this post. nobody look, these aren’t finished yet
over 1 year ago
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one of those treat pouches for dogs but filled with advil to give myself every time i send an email
1 day ago
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sorry you cannot trick me into mourning the loss of short distance airplane flights
3 days ago
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are the rocks ok
4 days ago
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obligatory “we’re in for some nice weather”
4 days ago
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happy mother’s day to dr pepper
5 days ago
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[trying to explain what a “made for tv movie” is to a kid] it’s like a movie that goes straight to tubi
6 days ago
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don’t forget to leave out an empty cup you were planning on reusing for mother tonight
6 days ago
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prosecutor: you were caught with a bag full of money and a gun me: crazy to be focusing on that when aliens might be real
6 days ago
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i can’t keep doing this
add a skeleton here at some point
7 days ago
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being a lightweight is great. oh you need a 6 pack to get a buzz? i accidentally rubbed hand sanitzier in my eye and now i. can’t rmeember next week
7 days ago
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what my gut microbiome sees when i swallow an antibiotic
7 days ago
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they’ve traced the origin of cruise ship hantavirus outbreaks to none other than rudy “bitin” giuliani
8 days ago
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[humans invent roads] roadrunners:
10 days ago
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check on your rivers
11 days ago
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babybel walking through a wax museum: none of these would fit me
14 days ago
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every time i break a glass
14 days ago
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reposted by
slate
mechanical jam
15 days ago
Biblically accurate Charlie Kirk Way sign:
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they’re calling it the most vandalized sign in street history
15 days ago
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just saw a biden 2028 sticker lmao
15 days ago
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my second play through will be better i’m still learning life’s mechanics
16 days ago
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reposted by
slate
mr potato
16 days ago
asked my boss if i could work from home but he said i don’t even work from work
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getting more followers while inactive
16 days ago
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bless you
18 days ago
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at all costs we must keep the president safe by putting him a ballroom and locking the doors and closing the curtains and just carrying about like he doesn’t even exist
19 days ago
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my kindergartner just told me “math is all around us” like sundays aren’t scary enough
20 days ago
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whenever i’m feeling shitty about myself i just remember there’s a guy out there who’s life is “threatened” by “assassination” “attempts” multiple times a year and the entire response from the internet is laugh reactions
20 days ago
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reposted by
slate
Brendel
20 days ago
Me: this is a pretty cool ring Gollum: my preciousssss Me: oh shit is that a Boondock Saints poster signed by both Boondock Saints? Gollum: my other precioussssss
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i’ve been enjoying tacos with my beautiful family did i miss anything
20 days ago
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reposted by
slate
Patrick Iversen
21 days ago
Gandalf seeing the Balrog:
add a skeleton here at some point
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who keeps waking this guy up. let the man sleep
21 days ago
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had a dream last night i landed a double kickflip and then posted about it so here i am fulfilling the part i can do
23 days ago
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reposted by
slate
dustin Couch
25 days ago
alright
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how it feels ignoring google maps directions
25 days ago
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i just saw everyone hanging out at the straight of hormuz after i was told it was closed wtf
27 days ago
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captains in the hormuz chat
add a skeleton here at some point
28 days ago
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hey i’m thinking of getting into crime does anyone know if the FBI director is blacked out currently
28 days ago
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bluesky meet Persimmon Calzini say hi to her right now
29 days ago
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“bluesky’s likes per day are dropping” ok maybe we’re just trying not to crash the site you’re welcome to
29 days ago
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what if it happened while the servers were down
29 days ago
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survived another tax season. or as billionaires like to call it, April
29 days ago
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sorry about the outage. thus place only exists in my consciousness
30 days ago
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i’m still laughing about that duplo guy who said creatives need to use AI or drive for uber
30 days ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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cooksmaxxing wherein i cook a ton of food
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
slate
phil
about 1 month ago
priest: and so wise king solomon said “i will cut the baby in half” me: ohhh. i get it. baby was a worm priest: no it was a test me: risky test. what if he’s not a worm
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another win for donny
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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i don’t need a deep dive into the economic system of bikini bottom but on what income was patrick buying krabby patties
about 1 month ago
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fellas is it creative if you didn’t use AI?
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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jesus: you’re cured leper: but how? jesus: i’m a doctor
about 1 month ago
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my musical hot take is alanis morissette’s usage of “ironic” is close enough
about 1 month ago
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