so funny seeing celebrities at the world cup as a status thing. like you know jar jar binks doesn’t watch soccer

me at the aquarium when i see a blue tang

did he step or 🫥

sorry i haven’t been posting much lately (or you’re welcome). Persimmon has stolen my free time and my heart

treating my heartburn with a moderate hot dog

i could get behind “done trucking” serving an expression for dead. doctor: i’m sorry, your wife is done trucking 😔

you can’t just buy potting soil for one pot you have to buy enough to feed an earthworm the size of a german shepherd

he did it. he finally drained the swamp

happy father’s day to these guys

wars should be fought like soccer where everyone switches sides halfway through

why stop at algae in the reflecting pool? give the ballroom black mold, the oval office ringworm, the washington monument herpes

what if your child is at least 60 lbs

~10 mya fossilized whale bone i found on the beach this week

world cups haven’t introduced any noisemakers since the south african vu vu zela. america should do like car horns or the diminishing drone of a dying democracy

soccer would get more done if teams just reached across the aisle and worked towards the same goal

how do i unsubscribe from the Transylvania dating feed

this feels like less of a joke now

immediate purchase

the real coup were the friends we made along the way

one last night in roku city

happy st patrick’s day america

the details of the iran deal are a secret because he’s giving them our nuclear codes

you and your work bestie showing up to the meeting after talking shit about the company over lunch margaritas

this is like trying to start rumors in high school about someone who graduated a decade ago

thank god our president reached an agreement with iran to finally open the straight of hormuz which has been closed since, let me see, the beginning of the war he started

they also removed my name from a jc penny bathroom stall but you don’t see me making a fuss about that anymore

bluesky doesn’t let you share photos in chat but it will let you share posts with photos so i’m starting this thread to post photos. don’t look at these it’s just for my chat

woke up this morning and saw the twin towers are back 🙏 nature is healing

clearly this is staged, how do they all know the words

FIFA isn’t even trying to hide its corruption anymore. there’s a guy named Italiano on the Australian team

ken burns:

we’re going to piss off a lot of countries when they find out the knicks won the world cup

moving along

reports are coming in that jimmy fallon is slowly animorphing into a blind mole

every IPA now is called hazy juice or cloudy gusher or juicy gas or something

can we talk about bruno yet

Vegeta: stop denying your own trauma FOOL Me: Vegeta I am not ready to heal! Vegeta: then you will suffer!! *punches me 100,000 times in a minute* Me: Vegeta I am ready to love again

the president every friday

it’s take your beetle to work day 🪲. he isn’t getting much done but he’s working very hard

the one conclusion we can draw from this is the president should never attend another game, event, function, or situation

the genealogy scene from episode 9 of Widow’s Bay belongs in the television louvre

buying tickets just to boo at the president

the boos heard round the world

what’s a spent serp rat

reading where’s waldo in public and nodding my head so everyone knows i found him

yeah can i get uhhhhh the surface of the sun

we’re due for a Great Reset. michael jordan needs to try a new sport

when google maps is giving you directions but you’re still in your neighborhood

presenting a big question for voters: what’s better for society, a missing republican or a present democrat