if you whisper into the fridge it tells you secrets. i know too much now.

Rexie wants to know — Does your kitty love high places or low hideouts? Drop your answer in the comments below! 😺💙🐾

the important thing is that Waldo finds himself

The press utterly silent about a clearly impaired elderly GOP president who cannot keep his eyes open. Lapdogs to the end. When Biden was still riding a bike, every article was "Why isn't our frail Dem president popping wheelies?"

Support your local flaws, imperfections, mistakes and food banks

Oh barry. Le sigh. Barry Allen has been accused, again. Charges: one count each - Imposter Scam, Identity Theft and Willful Deceit. One misdemeanor count for scheming in general. Let’s take a look at the evidence, jury selection, the trial and the verdict . #TimeToCrime

If I had a cooking show it would be me cooking cheap meals for people that receive SNAP benefits while I get progressively more drunk and angry about civilization.

On this day in 1934 this kid was born and he’d grow up to write things that would inform my worldview for my whole life and that’s the reason I tell everyone I know to read Carl Sagan

Who's got two thumbs and loves to make irrelevant references? This guy 👍👎

A classic

Sundays are for writing hate mail.

My second grade teacher had a farm and occasionally brought a lamb to school and that's how we grew up in Vermont so I just assumed it was like that everywhere and everyone got to hang with calves, foals, lambs, chicks, etc. when they were growing up.

You must continue the scritches! #Lamb #Animals #Nature

Sunday is not necessarily in fact a fun day.

I’d rather be in pain than even a little bit sticky

it’s incredible how no matter how many years pass old people treat everyone like children.

When someone tries to talk to me before my morning coffee . . . 🗣️🚫😈☕️🖤

When you spend too long trying to find the perfect gif and the app crashes.

It’s snowing and I’m going outside 😊

🎶I've got two tickets to paradise, Convenience fees disguise the real price🎶

I feel guilty but I'm so grateful for this cold, wet weather so Rooster can't do any work outside and has to just hang out with me while I cook all day.

#COTD Rexie had been a mother before, but she struggled with nurturing. She’s a girlie that knows what she wants! She dive-bombed the catnip bed first, claiming BCR as her own! She has the smallest paws as well Read more: www.blindcatrescue.com/cats/rexie.h

i love being oblivious and minding my own business 🥰

‘what if instead of a lifetime of accomplishment you could have instant gratification’ is the use case for AI. nothing more.

Cranberry season!

always somehow overqualified or underqualified, but what if instead I were simply a secret third thing (meets or exceeds the minimum required qualifications, which I do)

Now meet that roast off to the side and make it think about its crimes against humanity.

it's always the slowest drivers that are the most willing to cut you off. what's up with that?

I’m going back to thinking he’s dead, who’s with me?

There is coconut oil all over my phone screen, no time for questions!!!

I will gladly give you some advice if you’re interested in ruining your life.

To all concerned callers: We agree that animals should be behind bars. But the Greeneville Zoo Streaker is now a matter for local authorities.

Your daily fortune: Today will feel hazy and indistinct, like mist inside fog inside a cloud.

NEW EVENT ALERT: Join us Dec. 13 for our Pug-ly Sweater Bar Crawl! On this bar crawl for a cause, you’ll get specialty cocktails, the opportunity to win fun raffle prizes (including a Tito’s basket!) and automatic entry into our pug-ly sweater contest! Get tickets at https://ow.ly/XKq450XoL7L.

I've been at it since about 5:30am. I do not mess around when it comes to good stock/broth and it *always* pays off in a deep, rich flavor base.

I have been catlocked for like two hours now

remember when romance meant poetry and travel and nonstop sex instead of them accompanying you to costco on a sunday morning and pushing the heavy cart

every morning I have to open the microwave for her

My gargoyle

Ginger beer is the most ninja of sodas. It likes to sneak up and kick you in the back of the throat.

Good morning and happy Sunday 🐴 🥰

If you keep saying that your life was on inside out the whole time you're gonna start believing in tags

OK who the fuck let Walter Matthau in here oh wait never mind it’s my bathroom mirror good god

probably should’ve drawn up my will before i took my teen driving

Remembering that time my father sent me a beautifully heartfelt text, in which he spelled my name wrong