You shouldn't do drugs, but if you do do drugs, you probably just giggled and said "doo doo"

Sneezing while driving is terrifying. Multiple sneezes while driving is some final destination shit.

The woman in this show has an unusual lower jaw, and I find it wildly attractive. Gives her a very strong, stubborn, snarky appearance and I like it. 🥰

Thanks to recent events "Earth" has become the top rated TV show in the entire Universe.

Fidget Spinner? I've been fidget spinning butterfly knives since before fidget spinning was a thing.

Sarcasm taken as bold clout chasing proof n truth, is what's wrong with every generation after Gen X

@audhd-psychnp.com Can omelets be a stim? Is this an implication of The Tism? Asking for a friend. An imaginary friend, but a friend none the less.

HR: What's your complaint? ME: Bill is a giant asshole. HR: Please, I need you to be more formal. ME: Sorry, WILLIAM is a giant asshole.

Cricket commentator just accidentally said shluggish instead of sluggish, but I think that’s how it should be said from now on. “It’s too early, I’m still feeling a little shluggish” sounds right to me.

without downloading any new pics where are you mentally

[REDACTED]

Stopped by the local Animal Shelter today to drop off all of Freya's donations. Yes, that's right, Freya's donations. She rejects over half of the food, treats, and toys I buy her so her friends at the shelter can enjoy them. Girl at the shelter laughed when I said that. I wasn't kidding.....

Today was definitely Ass Wednesday. Everyone I dealt with was a complete ass, or worse. (the lovely elderly lady at the Irish Shoppe excluded) Ya'll are a bunch a bloody cunts!

Can't, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I guess today is Ass Wednesday. Do people still spend the day with a smudge of poo on their foreheads?

Today's PSA.

Can't, I'm dancing on the ceiling.

Can't, I'm having dirty deeds done dirt cheap.

💯🩸🔪

CAT checkpoint. show me the most recent cat image on your phone Lady Freya Bloodletter judging her human and deeming him unworthy.

“Well, wouldn’t you know it! … There goes our market for these things!”

I don’t know who needs to hear this but “no” is a complete sentence and it doesn’t require justification

⭐Pass it along, let's see your pfp in its full-sized glory!⭐

Another weekend passes where the rhythm did not get me

Adoration. Real photo postcard from my collection, no date/info except an embossed photo studio logo that says “Duclos - Lowell” - a photo studio in Lowell, Massachusetts.

It's true tho...

On February 14, 1991, The Silence of the Lambs debuted in the United States. Here’s some Anthony Hopkins art!

If you are showing your someone special that you love them today, ask yourself what you're doing the other 364 days of the fucking year.

My son

Flowers are for funerals and cemeteries.

One of the few services I offer is to repost valuable reminders like this one. 🧀

Add a word, ruin a movie Charlie and the Carcinogenic Chocolate Factory

Cotton is grown, so technically every t shirt is a crop top.

Ever catch a typo JUST before hitting "Send" and proudly correct it before posting? Only to realize once posted that it was actually correct before you went and fucked it up? Yeah, me either. That would be silly. 😳

Friendly neighborhood wellness check. Has anyone heard from @pokestarwind.bsky.social since the black helicopter spent an hour circling her home last night? youtu.be/fAHSb5WwADU?...

Who needs Valentine's Day when you have Friday the 13th 😂

Discord lied. they’re now sending scanned IDs to persona, a third party company. “facial scans will never leave your device” -discord lmao.

America isn't A shitshow it's The shitshow. Have some respect.

I made snack mix.

I hope this email finds you on the couch with the necessary amount of blankets, snacks, and pets

if the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie you may be entitled to compensation

Friendship is like Jenga. The longer it lasts, the less stable it becomes.

Life has a very strange way of reconnecting us to the people and places that really matter

Friendship is like Jenga. The longer it lasts, the less stable it becomes.

I maintain a very small circle. Partially because I do not like people and partially because I make no attempt to be likeable. That said, my circle became significantly smaller this month. Should have stuck with the "trust no one" philosophy. (no one here was involved, so quit wondering)

My son's mother raised him with Catholic guilt. I taught him freedom of belief. At 25 he feels guilty for believing Christianity is a load of bunk.

qtp with a sword!

quote this post with a gif of one of your favorite movies

Describe your Bluesky account in three words: Totally Fucking Useless