I wish they'd call the tech talent coming from India what actually is. Half price instead of who's already here. There is no shortage of American technological talent. It's just profit driven.

hello ladies, i'm not in the epstein logs, and i'm single

I wish I could read books. [falls asleep writing thi...

Imagine that conversation. "Ay, yo, aruuu ahy ya..." "What? Where? When?"

[visiting fathers death bed] “I'm sorry for any pain I caused you” *struggling to talk* hi sorry for any pain I caused you, I'm dad

How your email finds me...

Goon With The Wind

Gray Diddy

Like Britney Spears I wear no drawers.

#AI in its current state of development

Here is Bjork for no reason

So British people thought Daleks were scary?

I know where the files are

A million? How gauche!

If I win the Powerball, there will be signs...

Never forget

i've never been suspended or banned because i've mastered human interaction and empathy

I would like to become a US Senator and give myself $500,000 from taxpayers.

I'm a Democrat. I started the whole made up story about prices going up. Then I spread it around and all other Democrats repeated it. It's totally not real. (wow that sounds stupid, only a stupid person would say that is true)

Sometimes I go to the grocery store, look at the prices, and think thank goodness they’re protecting some pedos instead

How your email finds me...

What will we do after jobs are no longer necessary?

I didn't see The Northern Lights last night, butt I did see Uranus.

Just went got myself a 50 year mortgage! I'll be 116 when it's paid off. God bless.

"I didn't know him that well"

Release MORE of the Epstein files.

Nothing kills you faster than your own mind.

I was a regional manager for Radio Shack. Prove I wasn't!

Gordon Ramsay is kind of an asshole isn't he.

This president is really mental if he thinks telling everyone the economy is fantastic is a good idea. I mean, people are stupid but they're not THAT stupid.

Laura Loomer (to her plastic surgeon): just fuck it up

As far as covering up for pedophiles goes, you really have to give it to conservatives.

Tea. Earl grey. Hot.

I don't like these people.

Beavis and Butthead Do America. Hard to believe.

You know whose political platform is always relevant? That "Rent Is Too Damned High" guy.

this may be a controversial take but i don’t think it’s a good idea to have so many delusional people in power

gonna start using social media less and use the time saved to hit myself in the head with a shovel

ur at duran i need u at duran

If I win the Powerball, there will be signs...

heavy lies the crown.

Incompetent.

Predator: Badlands is a Christmas movie.

What’s the difference between spelunking and caving? Spelunking is the exploration of caves. Caving is what democrats in the senate do.

The average MAGA voter right now...

Wife got me a Fuggler. He's hideous. I love him.

Cats love boxes. The post office will deliver some for free if you go on their website. Problem--solved.

Can you guys tell I’ve gained 10 lbs from my skeets?

You're at Blowfish. I need you at Hootie.