Quiet everyone. Some asshole is speaking...

I heard someone in boarding group D tried to get on Artemis II with group A

Now if we can avoid Zod during the Artimis missions...

#women #artemis2

instead of a fitness tracker that counts your steps per day, how about a mental health tracker that counts your posts per day

It takes two. TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHHHT!

WHITE HOUSE: We are happy to announce that we are in final negotiations to end the war! IRAN:

😭😭😭

Everybody hates AI until they need it to make booby photos.

Due to the increased cost of eating out, ‘69’ shall now be known as ‘96’

#speech tonight will go something like this

I wonder what @benstiller.redhour.com is doing right now...

I wonder what Phil Collins is doing right now...

I wonder what Madonna is doing right now...

I have this great idea for a xylophone that looks like a rib cage... just came up with it!

Las Vegas robot magician act named Siegfried Android

Bjork's graduation photo

It gets worse. #kristinoem

I'm going to open a wolf sanctuary and name them all after thought leaders I respect. The first one is going to be Karl Barx and that's all I have so far but it feels like a strong start

We used to be a good country.

The White House had this picture of Karoline Leavitt pulled from different Internet sites. Please do not repost this.

I'll buy you some gasoline for Christmas this year.

Do you honestly think that Marco Rubio has tasted Trump's dick?

kristi noem’s hubby: i like- jd vance: to cross dress brett kavanaugh: beer

Bjork's graduation photo

We all find our own way to deal...

Timeline cleanser. #kitty

Trans right are human rights.

I'll buy you some gasoline for Christmas this year.

Ha. Ha. You can't build your ballroom.

RIP jesus. you would have loved birkenstocks

Me with my Bluesky mutuals

I was 5 minutes late to the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting All of the chairs were already taken

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out like you thought it would, and it’s hard to let go of what you thought it would be.

my prostate has been demoted to an amateurstate

going viral? being perceived by the Discover feed? containment breakouts? ask your doctor if posting mid is right for you

I guess the United States is no longer the home of the free. We will force you to be. #supremecourt #scotus

Bjork loves her bear.

Actually, in France male athletes wear jacquestraps to protect their oui ouis

Stay-Puft marshmallow man, driving his kids to pick up some Easter candy: quiet back there! don’t make me turn this car around . i don’t wanna hear a peep outta you ! his marshmallow kids, fused together in the back seat:

Here is Noah Wyle for no reason.

Me with my Bluesky mutuals

Bjork loves her bear.

if your write meow four times in a row it looks like meow meow meow meow

Thank fuck we still have Christopher Walken. Happy birthday to this very cool dude.

if you've ever run in flip-flops you should be disqualified from running for office

Absolutely ridiculous that they won’t let me smoke marijuana at work. Down with capitalism.

Showed up to the orgy like "is this thing on?"

Should have bought a self-driving car.