You ever wonder what happened to chimpan-a through chimpan-y?

If things get much worse around here, people will have to start saying hell is going to america in a handbasket

"I don't know if they're more scared of Drag Queen Story Hour because of the drag queens or because of the books." - Cliff Cash

Mom, come pick me up! The New York Times is doing eugenics again.

Walmart cashier: Sorry, we don't carry that candy anymore because of the dyes. Customer: just these 4 guns and 8 boxes of rounds, then.

The real irony is that if they spent as much time and effort improving their constituents' lives as they do trying to hold on to power, they wouldn't even need to try.

Cesium the means of production

His coming was foretold.

GM: So, you creep through the dark, dusty corridors. Suddenly, Medusa pops out! PC: I strike with my sword! [rolls] GM: (hisses) Theta. Your sword bounces off of her scaly skin. Roll to save vs. petrification.

They were fisherman. Trump/Miller/Hegseth killed fisherman in order to fake kill drug dealers and hold press conferences where they lied about it. There is NO reason they won't do this to American citizens in the United States when it suits them.

ICE attempted and failed to disappear a food delivery guy. It needed to be scored.

An unexpected finger in the bum during sexy time is confusing when you're alone.

This is great. I’m sure it won’t affect many people — like me, for example

Reviews of Wonka's factory ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ "Fun tour, loved the Oompa Loompas" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "DELICIOUS! Chocolate river - WHAT?! Mind blown" ⭐☆☆☆☆ "Turned me into a fucking blueberry"

A forceful Happy Birthday to @markhamillofficial.bsky.social

Every time I take a dump It makes me think of Donald Trump. Like when a blast of noxious air Escapes out of my derriere.

"Yeah, she lives in California and prostitutes herself for communion wafers." "So, she's a sacrament ho?"

One wonders if Melania hadn't been right there how long Lazy Marmalade would have stood bewildered on that step

There's no point in "winning" if you have to sacrifice people who should be beside you, who deserve to be beside you, in the moments of victory.

Breaking: Today, Trump said and/or did something stupid, unethical, and/or illegal. Bookmark this and reread daily to keep up to date on US news.

Wouldn't it be ironic if the trial caused the release of ironclad evidence of high crimes and misdemeanors committed by Lazy Marmalade?

I'm appalled but unfortunately unsurprised to hear that ICE is targeting my neighbors in Rogers Park today. Unidentifiable and unaccountable agents are roaming the streets with their faces covered targeting schools and community centers. It needs to end. Abolish ICE.

But you're saying this to people that you regularly call "Communists" and who you denigrate as "not real Americans".

Any gun owners out there willing to do an experiment for me? Write something on the brass in felt tip pen, load it into a mag, then empty the mag in the rain and let me know how legible it is. For science.

Yeah he said it on air. "Fox News host Jesse Watters wildly suggests bombing the UN for Trump escalator 'sabotage'" www.irishstar.com/news/us-news...

What, our currency wasn't losing value fast enough?

Second time he’s had his people get rid of Epstein

If it's "a clear attack on ICE," why were only prisoners hurt and killed, and ICE agents left utterly unscathed?

They should make dessert menus deliver a non-lethal electric shock, so that people can no longer say "Well, it wouldn't hurt to just look at the dessert menu."

once i pay it’s mine and you’re not my mom

Lazy Marmalade doesn't understand that visa and asylum can have more than one meaning and can't pronounce acetaminophen, but go on and tell me again how he's playing 4D chess

This isn't normal Things Trump did recently •Blew up 3 boats •Attended a Nazis Memorial •Declared war on Chicago •Blamed Tylenol for autism •Created the Department of War •Declared the left domestic terrorists •Told the DOJ to prosecute opponents Things he didn't do •Release the Epstein files

BOOK: "Choose your own adventure!" ME: *eats book*

Wtaf www.wcvb.com/article/ice-...

crows & pawns

More than 1800 detainees are missing after the closure of Alligator Alcatraz. Their families and lawyers can’t find them and they’ve vanished from the ICE database. Feels like this should be a much bigger story www.miamiherald.com/news/local/i...

I was GOING to watch Kimmel’s return, but MY ABC affiliate is owned by the fucking scumbags from hell, the Sinclair Broadcasting Group - & THEY’RE refusing to air him. I’ve called & emailed, not that it‘ll do any good. I suggest you all do the same. Contact: 410-568-1500 [email protected]

[first day of work] me: so, when do i get to kick one? boss: we don't actually- me: how about that one? that one looks like kind of an asshole

How dare people tell the same very obvious joke as me? They must have plagiarized it!

I can't think of a better way to invite domestic terrorism than indiscriminate murder.

So who is the leader? Name 3 people who are members. Where do they meet? When was it founded? By who? Are there dues? If I want to join, where do I go? Is Eric a member? Chump & gang are such idiots.

What if everyone masturbating disappeared at once? Call that a fapture

With luck, tomorrow's rapture will only take MAGAts. A crapture, if you will

I like watching the president go out to make an announcement and just make stuff up and vamp for like 40 minutes. Tylenol, sure, why not. Maybe their moms were startled by rabbits or it was Goody Proctor's fault. All the while his cronies have to stand behind him with fake smiles, begging for death