the prime minister of greenland probably doesn’t have to worry about getting kidnapped because trump doesn’t know who he is. or what the government structure of greenland is. or what a prime minister is.

If Cruella Deville was a doctor, do you think she'd have made a lab coat?

It's "don't die" isn't it?

The Republican Party tried and failed more than 60 times to repeal Obamacare when they were out of power. 60 fucking times. Maybe Democrats should consider trying to impeach Trump more than *twice*?

RFK Jr. announces plan to reduce childhood autism by reducing the number of children.

Some people have never been popped upside the head with a cast iron Æbleskiver pan and it shows

Breaking: Today, Trump said and/or did something stupid, unethical, and/or illegal. Bookmark this and reread daily to keep up to date on US news.

ICE is no longer arresting immigrants only. They are arresting anyone who films or speaks out. Sending them to concentration camps. I have been criticized for my analogy to 1930’s Germany. That is what we are witnessing.

Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession

I'm sure this has nothing at all to do with NPR retaining J6 information

ME: (doing standup) what's the deal with airplane food AUDIENCE: *crickets* [later] GRASSHOPPER: how was the show CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious

Hegseth knows a court martial would fail, so he’s cutting Kelly’s pension. For what? Reminding troops of their duty to not follow unlawful orders: www.cnbc.com/2026/01/05/p...

Business idea: A gentleman’s club for ghosts. You could call it “Big Supernaturals.”

Which of the President's ass cheeks will he allow us to nuzzle next? The answer may surprise you! - TIME

EXACTLY. 💯 Every time some AntiVax says "I don't want my kid to get autism," as a parent of a neurodivergent child I hear "I'd rather my kid die or be trapped for life in an iron lung than be like yours." My kid is awesome. You suck. FUCK YOU UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE.

Still lovin you, Scorpions. Please advise.

So is the US, it would appear.

They're going to invade Mexico and Cuba before the months out the way these fucks are chattering. They want the whole hemisphere. Canadians might want to think about building a wall now or something.

So the president can attack a foreign country and kidnap its head of state without congressional approval? This seems very legal and very cool.

A Japanese artist made the print DHS lifted to spread anti-immigrant hate. Can't make this up.

Strong Bad onions

SLAMS MY HEAD AGAINST THE SIGN

Spicy alt implies the existence of a Mild ctrl and a Medium del

#worf #reddwarf #suess #startrek #startrektng

You know, I've screwed up at work, as everyone does at some point. However I've never screwed up so badly as to accidentally creating kiddie porn

If you are what you eat, we could all be billionaires by the end of the week.

I’ve never seen anyone work so hard to find a dog a home. I’m not a rich person, but I’ll pay for the first 2 months of dog food to the adoptive parents.

Elon Musk is at this point a parody of an evil billionaire in a movie. he is a parody of a parody of a parody. I predict that sometime this year he will stream himself eating a live baby, and the NYT will then run editorials about how some cultures don’t view cannibalism as a big deal, actually

the doomsday clock is flashing 12:00 on the doomsday vcr

(In the style of Billy Joel) 🎶Epstein Files It's a listing of the pedophiles Every page is mostly black Releasing less than they redact. Now that's a fact (about the) 🎵Epstein Files They've sitting in their Epstein piles On the floor of Trumpy's can As a part of his stonewall plan Because he can

still being on twitter means you're fine with nazis and on demand CSAM

I knew it was bad, but sheesh! How can anyone with a shred of morals stay on X now? If you are using X, you support pedophilia and child pornography.

Test results summary: He crayoned mostly inside the lines and was able to tell the difference between Stephen Miller and a hyena (on the third try).

“Mar-a-Lago sent an 18-year-old spa worker on a house call to Jeffrey Epstein in 2003.” What’s a “house call”? Doesn’t that mean Mar-Lago was part of the trafficking? Asking for my cousin

I’m really looking forward to seeing if this year’s Rose Parade has any Daleks.

If you're a Democrat, you're a sucker if you imagine this agency has anything to do with immigration. It is--and aspires to be!--a fascist paramilitary goon squad. You should start saying so and lay the groundwork for starving it of funding when you take power

Claiming credit for fighting crime by deploying the military on city streets is a dubious strategy at best. Doing so with complete disregard for actual crime metrics is a scam. But what do I know? I've only got a masters in security and risk management from a respected School of Criminology.

The Swedish chef is a Muppet, and thus made entirely of felt. Therefore, his bork is worse than his bite.

Going fishing just to reel something

My birthstone is ennui

I kinda want to make a sticky pad that has "congrats on your top surgery" on each page. You know, post tits notes

Morning walk

They Pagliacci'd his ass

Conflicted: I hate New Year's Eve, but I love counting backwards from 10.

Hamburger help I need somebody. Help not just anybody

Would it be wrong of me to write a horror novella about interdimensional snakes and call it... DANGER STRINGS

If I want a Rush song to finish at the stroke of midnight, is it already too late to start playing it?

Manifesting wealth hasn't worked for me, so I'm going to try womanifesting

So...podcasting killed the video star? 🤔