without a dose of irony

GIRLFRIEND: So what your go-to at karaoke? ME: I always sing Like A Virgin MY BULLY, TREVOR (age 10): Well obviously, but what song do you pick?

What the fuck kind of headline is that? "Coming out" as Christian? Sorry, are you about to lose your job, for "coming out"? Are you going to be discriminated against for "coming out"? Piss off with this nonsense

🎶 Oh, what a feeling When we're dancing on the ceiling 🎶 M.C. Escher: Wait, what was that last part?

Reflecting poo.

Motherfucker can't even win a war against algae.

In theory Trump's name has been removed from the Kennedy Center, but there's a tarp blocking the view so... maybe? I guess now it's the Schrödinger Center for the Perfoming Arts

Disney keeps remaking their cartoons as live action. At least they'll never do that with Coco It would have to be dead action

Look how everyone flocks to him! Our dear leader!

Every industry is making billions of dollars and it's workers are getting paid barely above minimum wage and then fired, and all the money just disappears into a hole forever. It's gone. The rich will never spend it. It's number go up. This will destroy the economy

So if the Trump regime is against green energy and wants everything to run on "beautiful coal" why are all the flock cameras attached to solar panels?

You don't have to answer the door for the Feds. Do not voluntarily talk to the Feds. If they have a warrant signed by an actual judge, then they can do precisely what the warrant says. But DO NOT TALK TO THE FEDS. Do not answer the door. If you're arrested, your only words are "I want a lawyer."

Apparently she does.

I hope these guys have good accountants and managers, 'cause, at least for this gig, they're getting paid in Itchy and Scratchy Bucks.

I find it ironic that one of his grift projects this year was the Reflecting Pool since he lacks the capacity to self reflect

Since Trump insists on leaving the wall of the Kennedy Center covered, activists need to turn that drapery into a movie screen. Project images of Trump with Epstein onto it day and night. Thanks Donald!

The American Flag Blue™️ lining really helps bring out the green of the algae. $14M well spent, not wasted on some veterans' cancer treatments.

I've always wondered why it's called "taking a shit" because aren't you actually leaving one? I mean unless that's your thing. No kink shaming.

I’m assuming that if you have a habit of regularly eating french fries topped with cheese curds and brown gravy it could probably be said you have a poutine routine.

who called it a territorial dispute and not ground beef

One for each brain cell still working

Trump celebrates record national debt, says he "loves the inflation" in public appearance. Here's why that's bad for Democrats...

If this isn't running on annunciator trucks in every state with a competitive Senate seat race, somebody needs to shove Ken Martin off of a pier.

Yesterday. I did this yesterday.

[loud knocking] “OPEN UP. IT’S THE POLICE!” Me: Prove it. “HOW?” Me: Sing “Roxanne.”

He literally just forgot who is currently president.

Wow

Since Trump has such a penchant for hiring the most unqualified people, has anyone considered introducing him to fugu? It's THE dish of the ultra wealthy and peasants could never.

Five scientists were ejected from an American Diabetes Association conference for distributing reprints of an editorial critical of Trump, published in the ADA's own journal! NIH director Jay "let everyone get infected and the weak will die" Bhattacharya was invited to speak but later cancelled.

It’s not a secret. They’re quite vocal about it.

I always preferred the English spelling of "diarrhea" which is "diarrhoea" because it really looks like you've lost control of your vowels.

Today's our anniversary and my wife asked me what my favorite quality of hers is. Of course I said her taste in women.

... are they.... are they allowed to say that?

Living through this time feels like the human version of dog years

A blue whale's vagina can push out an 8000 lb calf. Still not a bigger pussy than Trump

Thanks to autocorrect my gf got pissed off at me because she thought I texted that she had enormous knickers.

Oh my fucking gods, we're being ruled by incompetent idiots who can even fill out a purchase requesion order correctly - something 99.9% of us can do correctly.

Ever notice habits are always black and white? It's the nun binary.

Them: speed demon Me: Baphomethamphetamines

On June 6th we remember the sacrifices of the Allied "D-Day" landing at Normandy Beach in France that helped defeat Hitler & Fascism. Tens of thousands of US, UK, and Canadian soldiers lost their lives in the brutal assault. Let not their sacrifice be in vain!

Cut him some slack he's only been this stupid for 80 years

Imagine voting to take fruits and vegetables away from pregnant mothers. Imagine being that much of a piece of shit traitor to your country

Bluesky: tell me your food crimes I put mayo and cheese in my peanut butter sandwiches

I know EVERYONE has seen this in older people they’ve been around. You KNOW this look.

It's a Butt, Butt, Butt, Butt, World

For Pride month, can we all agree to not post manipulated images of our political adversaries in drag or engaging in homosexual acts? All it really does is reinforce the mindset of "queer bad and funny. We laugh now"

“Oh yeah?!? I didn’t want to invite you to my party anyway! My mom made me invite you!”

Air Tag ALL Your Stuff 🙌