Someone do the math... How many Scaramucci's did #PamBondi last?

Can't wait to hear MAGA choad-bros blame Biden for Trump blowing up the entire #F1 calendar.

EVERY staunch conservative that I've EVER met is not REMOTELY funny. They all THINK they're hilarious...but their entire view of what's funny is actually just based on common ugliness. None of them are clever enough to be funny. They all lack the basic human empathy and insight humor requires.

If we had a progressive #president with the same disdain for the law as Heir Drumpf we'd have: Universal Healthcare Universal Basic Income Budget surplus No Citizens United No Billionaire tax loopholes A 13 Member SCOTUS No Electoral College No ICE Gun Reform No Congressional stock trades On Day 1

It's almost like #PizzaGate was actually happening the whole time. But instead of the basement of a Clinton-funded pizza parlour, it was every rich white Republican (and sleazeball Bill Clinton) in America, on a private island completely devoted to criminal child molestation, thousands of times.

Not only should the most incompetent AG in the history of humanity reach, but every last human who supported her nomination should apologize, resign, and leave politics forever.

If your entire feed is nothing but re-posts, I ain't-a-gonna follow you back. Also, I'm about 90% sure you're a bot.

If ANY of the BILLION Pearl Jam and/or DMB fans can understand even 1% of those lyrics, then they're lying to you. It's zero percent.

Yup. Yup^infinity

This wins today's intrawebs

Bwaaahhahhahhaaaa! Racism brains exploding across the nation! Stephen Miller immediately trying to figure out how to deport the NFL. #Halftime

Rest in Peace, #WashingtonPost. Though, you died the day you decided to carry Trump's water thru the entire 2024 election cycle. You jumped the shark long ago, & deserve every ounce of the disintegration you're about to endure. Feel bad for the few remaining non-shills that were just fired, tho.

I'm "Amazon just delivered my LED magnifying glass, and I'm STOKED" years old.

We named our cat Vivien Blake, after #CatherineOhara as Moira Rose as Sunrise Bay's Vivien Blake.

Chaotic Evil Orange Blob says the quiet part out loud (which is apparently his entire approach to everything): "Hey Europe, we're the Nazis now. Get out of the way."

All this, right here.

ICE is the only job where you're required to dress like you've never had a job...and then cover that with an entire army surplus store. Also, release the Epstein files.

I'm old enough to remember when Conan O'Brien was actually funny.

In case anyone was wondering where all the obnoxiously vocal, anti-tyranny, gun-nut, ammo sexual, voices have gone: they all work for #ICE now, and they're much harder to hear from behind their Murderwear™ facemasks.

It's almost like people of color have been screaming for decades about law enforcement getting away with murdering anyone they want.

As we know, #Trump, like a swamp creature composed entirely of human feces, ruins literally everything he touches. So, let's just let him HAVE The Kennedy Center. He's already soiled it beyond redemption. Instead, let's just create a NEW venue called The REAL Kennedy Center, and fuck MAGA forever.

By being super shady, lying lawbreakers who got tired of pretending they didn't have them.

If you're watching the #KennedyCenter Honors tonight, you're a rage-porn addicted dipshit. Find something less painful to do with your time, like chewing glass.

Where'd all them #pizzagate windbags go? You'd think they'd be louder than ever, now! Go fucking figure.

Any artist currently considering performing at the #KennedyCenter should seriously evaluate their life choices right now (I feel for you, all you NSO musicians). I see that the infinitely mediocre Bro's Bro Adam Carolla is performing there in January. That shit fits like a glove, right there.

Just a reminder: #BillClinton, while he's no PoopyPants Von CheetoFace, is still a slimy sack of shit who deserves every last ounce of scrutiny and outrage over his connections to Epstein. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

Dear Jabba the Trump: Sit this one out. #RobReiner has had explosive diarrhea more relevant than you.

#TheAbandons might be the most poorly written sack of dog turds ever produced by Netflix. Holy hell. How do adult professionals put out this garbage and still have jobs? It's like every western ever written threw up onto a script and everyone was like, "Shit! Let's do it...terribly!"

The fact that Spain is mad they can't loot the #SanJose is hilarious. "HEY! We legit enslaved, murdered, raped, and manically subjugated an ENTIRE indigenous population for DECADES to accumulate all this stolen gold! How dare you tell us we can't steal it yet again!"

Hey Georgia! How's it feel to watch your grifting grifter of a representative grift her way right out the door, just in the nick of time for one final, lifelong grift? Almost seems like y'all like electing grifters, or some such.

Apparently, the closer you get to the playoffs, the less moving screens are illegal. When you're actually IN the playoffs, moving screens are legit never ever ever called. Talking to you, #WNBA.

Wow. Charlie Kirk's killer seems to be a straight, white, 20-something, male, with easy access to guns. Who could have possibly predicted? Oh...everyone.

MAGA: whhahahhhaaaaaaaa! Cracker Barrel! Whaaahhaaaaaaaa! Woke! Whaaahhaaaa! Cancel! Woke woke woke! Waaahahahahha! Also MAGA: You libturds cancel everything! Everyone else: Cracker Barrel is fucking awful. Who gives a shit about the logo...stop selling shit food wrapped in old timey bullshit.

It's so strange...in all the YA dystopian futures, America is run by a ruthlessly clever, evil genius. But in our current, real world dystopia, America is run by a cartoonishly stupid, fat, orange, pedophile Boss Hog. Any author who tried to write this story would have been laughed into obscurity.

Your daily reminder that when #police come to your door, you should call the police. Muricah.

As recent as two years ago, I was like, "Absolutely NO one needs a gun. I will NEVER buy a gun." And now I'm all, "Arm the fuck up, liberals. Get your training and concealed carry license. Play their stupid game now, because they'll play it all fucking day."

So.... They lied?!? What a crazy random happenstance.

If you're so dumb that you don't see the litmus-test-nature of what's happening in LA, you should probably join a 2nd grade classroom in the fall and then just do it all over from there.

Hey #MAGA, where the fuck are all you "Don't Tread On Me" gasbags right about now??!! I thought you fucking LIVED for the opportunity to go all 2nd Amendment against government tyranny. Ya'll suddenly seem pretty goddam selective about what fucking tyranny looks like.

#DidYouKnow ??? If you rearrange the letters of MakeAmericaGreatAgain, you can spell: "I'm A Giant Racist" Well, no you can't...but you believed it for a split second. And you REALLY wanted it to be true. Me too.

Stephen Miller got all his ideas on how to burn down a country by watching Band Of Brothers and rooting for the Germans. I mean, his birthplace of 1627 Transylvania isn't too far away. #MakeFascismGreatAgain

It's almost like everyone knew what was coming, or somesuch.

Can we start referring to #ICE as The Gelato? Because Gestapo+Ice?

So, maybe super-rich, ultra-privileged, narcissistic white dudes, who've lived their entire lives perpetuating the idea that they're unerringly perfect specimens of human existence, despite infinite evidence to the contrary, aren't the best dudes to run ANYTHING...let alone a fucking country. #TACO

This is all the problems, in a single paragraph. Everything. All of it. Every last issue comes down to this.

Someone explain to me how ICE is not in CONSTANT violation of the Posse Comitatus Act? Because it's not the US military? Oh sure. A heavily armed FEDERAL force is somehow NOT equivalent to the US military? Sure Jan. This is incredibly illegal stuff.

Linda McMahon is an unqualified, incompetent, ignorant, grifter. #PassItOn

Watching the Implosion (Titan Submersible) documentary on HBO... Wow. Stockton Rush was a colossal sack of arrogant shit. A murderer, basically. His attitude about nearly everything is the epitome of the privileged, rich, white dude: I'm smarter, cooler, and more important than everyone else.

Christine McVie > Stevie Nicks. I won't be taking questions at this time.