You can go to chilis in your underwear and get body slammed in the airport this is a great country and it is not at all cripplingly shameful to be American.

Everything is so embarrassing right now.

Our rice cooker is supposed to be “set it and forget it,“ but I keep finding new ways to forget to set it.

DRIVERS ARE RUDE SUCH ATTITUDES WHEN I SHOW MY PIECE COMPLAINTS CEASE SOMETHING'S ODD FEEL LIKE I'M GOD

“No, I tried making them over-hard that one time, and it ruined your whole day, remember?” said Lorraine Helm

Come on bro, let me cry for you. I'll do it good, I swear.

We just have to get Gavin Newsom on a podcast with someone who doesn’t think he should run for president, Gavin will agree with him and the problem will be solved

"surround prey with gelatinous body" feels very attainable

Men will tell you gender isn't a construct and then call ships "she"

Meat Loaf has very 2026 energy

you have the right to buy us beer and cigarettes please sir

ever buy a belt at a thrift store and wonder how many people were strangled w it?

Every picture of ICE agents in airports is just this again

[through clenched teeth] i love feedback

I'm not worried about AI

you know that thing where you walk past your cat cleaning her parts and she just stops with one leg up and stares at you with an inscrutable expression and you feel like you’ve done something maybe unforgivably wrong?

can't describe how happy my lock screen makes me every time I see it

Is it weird that the intake form for the vet asks if I'm the patient or filling it out on their behalf

DLSS5 On

*goes to a sushi restaurant* “can I have a cheeseburger”

Please, my based son Saxon, he needs milk

saw your crew down at the costco

hahaha you'll take a hamburger then, HEAR THAT BOYS MY KID SAXON IS AS SMART AS A WHIP, GIVE HIM A PENNY BOYS

Can people change? Sure! I’m rapidly deteriorating as we speak.

I'd make a great coma patient

I do appreciate the stupidity of making sure everyone in the 4 hour security line has a direct view of these dipshits in case they might forget that ensuring these guys get paid is why you're waiting

Is it weird that the intake form for the vet asks if I'm the patient or filling it out on their behalf

Welcome to Bluesky oh Jesus Christ will you shut the fuck up already

can you smell what the shit is posting

Finally a team that’ll never break my heart

I wish there was a way to raise awareness of dementia *without* starting world war 3

update for Our President

absolutely losing my shit at THE SIDEBURN STATE

I’ve ran out of carpe to deim

do dogs know that curb your enthusiasm ended

Qatar having some buyers remorse about that gift jet

David Lynch at any given moment:

the human body was not designed to know what the worst person in the world is doing every fifteen minutes

Having trouble commenting on the latest Elon Musk thing because I too have an extremely based son named Saxon.

"brought food prices down" HOW'D THEY GO UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, BROOKE

Uncle Owen: That wizard's just a crazy old man Luke: But... so he's a wizard?

David Lynch at any given moment:

tangentially related i want to open two literary themed car dealerships sexus plexus nexus lexus ford maddox ford

You’re gesturing at everything? Everything includes me. That’s not cool. Don’t involve me. I did not consent to be gestured at.