A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs": Step 1 Step 6 Step 8, 9, 10, 11.

Please do go on explaining how adults with autism have perfectly normal lives except for maybe a harmless fixation or two

I like watching the president go out to make an announcement and just make stuff up and vamp for like 40 minutes. Tylenol, sure, why not. Maybe their moms were startled by rabbits or it was Goody Proctor's fault. All the while his cronies have to stand behind him with fake smiles, begging for death

Now do Colbert

Looking forward to watching a bunch of rich republicans buy TikTok only to watch it empty out like a burst dam and, like Musk, never realize kids don’t give a shit about platforms, they care about goofing around with their friends. You can’t buy your way onto the cool kid’s table, they’ll just move

England(standing atop a giant pile of rubble that used to be a children’s hospital): our bad

that’s me in the corner that’s me in the spotlight looking for the bathroom

This is Leno quality. Boooooooooo

Seems like doctors go to med school to learn two diseases: anxious and fat

We’re just writing articles about Trump people and graft like for a hobby, right? It certainly doesn’t seem to accomplish anything. The newspapers might as well be making ships in bottles or getting into doing those giant LEGO sets

All timer

Every third video will now be a My Pillow ad

“It’s not even that big a country, how hard could it be?” -every empire ever, shortly before getting their asses handed to them

A man gay panicking about putting a cylinder in his mouth instead eats daintily with his special banana spoon. Thank god he sidestepped any hint of femininity

My mom has had her dog audibly fart off camera while her mic is on during work zoom calls

2fast 2furious 2fuck 2frosted flakes 2cson arizona 2wong foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU ALL TO NATE SILVER HE HAS BEEN CUCKED BY THIS PLACE

NSFW a Band The Doors but instead of doorknobs there are thick dongs I’m not great at these

If you’re going through a breakup and you’ve been keeping it together and you go into a Walgreens and this comes on there’s a very good chance that you will collapse weeping in the vitamin aisle.

Kash Patel always looks like his family has been kidnapped and the only way to free them is to be a dumb fucking asshole

Is this what we are being punished for or is this the punishment?

Seems hard to imagine give that, given the inbuilt sexism in that organization, it’ll be tough to keep the incels happy

Completely understandable.

Seth Meyers remains safe because Republicans don’t stay up that late

That tears it, I’m going to primary this asshole. I have no chance of winning but I want to make it to a debate stage and humiliate this doddering idiot. Just scream at him for 90 minutes

I want to help ease everyone’s mind a bit and remind you that he has, at best, a few months. Then it’ll be “the death of Stalin,”-level internal conflict and we can all chill out for a bit

Re: this Kimmel thing. Don’t forget that he works for people who would happily set fire to the Hollywood sign if it gave them even a little more influence. If they’re rich, they’re collaborators

Robert Redford on Richard Nixon's death. Not much changes, I guess.

I think I liked it better when it was called "Star Wars." I'm sure it will do just as well. God, it must be so exhausting to try to create a legacy for yourself when you've never actually done a single good thing in your whole miserable life.

It's never been clear to me why some people pick fights with people who are clearly smarter and better at shaping public opinion in their favor. It's a real "bringing a rubber duck to a gun fight" vibe.

Karina Villa protecting her constituents by literally running ICE off the streets in West Chicago and yelling to residents to stay inside their homes.

Not to be in any way dismissive of his presentation or input, but I want to meet his speechwriters. Holy shit this is good

I had a teacher spend a good part of the semester telling us about the war for southern independence

Their lives were fucking rad while the rich people now seal themselves off from the world and jerk off thinking about going to space. The world needs more fun rich poon hounds who care about people

Lol. Also, do not look up jury nullification

not an exaggeration to say I am WEEPING with laughter at this reply from someone who hadn't seen that Robert Redford died today

There may never be another movie with such iconic style. Lillard? Fucking forget about it.

"Guy who's whole fortune depends on selling something useless and stupid tells everyone it's really important." Hey, remember the Metaverse? Much like Elon, Mark stole one good idea and has been chasing that high ever since.

Martha remains undefeated

Sometimes, when I'm feeling naughty, I'll open two terminal windows to my raspberry pi and install 2 packages at the same time. Make them race each other to prove their love of me. I am a god

Great block list, personally vetted (if that means anything). Idk if it’s up-to-date.

The people he spends his day with aren’t going to invite him to Chili’s, why on earth does he think they’ll let him into Nazi Heaven?

Loaded Italian sub is back! Stop in and assassinate your hunger with some bella chow. Eat arbys 👉👈 OwO

Regarding all of the current issues: have we considered setting things on fire? I’m not saying what or why or where (or who). Just… fires. Not you, California. You’re already doing that to much

Wanted to post a clip from “Cash $tall,” but isn’t really out there

It’ll be fun watching the conservatives circle the wagons to protect this profoundly stupid person

this is the hardest I've laughed at anything in a long time

Shit like this comes up every once in a while and I find myself being proud of an absolute stranger. Like “oh, Samwise is doing great!” But Samwise is a character from a movie and I don’t know him, either.