Later, when one of the monsters cranked up the volume, the party really got going.

“Mr. Cummings? This is Frank Dunham in Production. … We’ve got some problems, Mr. Cummings. Machine No. 5 has jammed, several of the larger spools have gone off track, the generator’s blown, and, well, everything seems to be you-know-what.”

Donning his new canine decoder, Professor Schwartzman becomes the first human being on Earth to hear what barking dogs are actually saying.

The Kongs at home

Primitive man’s ability to reason

“Autobiography I presume?”

“I’m sorry ... try the wizard up the road. I just used my last heart and brain.”

Vern, Chuck, and the pope go fishing.

“Say … I could go for something.”

“Blast! … The elephants are sick again!”

The squirrels of Central Park

Like moths to a light, the neighborhood dogs were all drawn by Emile’s uncontrollable fear.

“Let’s see. ... No orange ... no root beer ... no fudgesickles. ... Well, for crying out loud! ... Am I out of everything?”

Moments before he was ripped to shreds, Edgar vaguely recalled having seen that same obnoxious tie earlier in the day.

“Guess who!”

“Something’s wrong. … Reel up and check the bait.”

Secret tools of the common crow

“Well, according to the dictionary, I’m just a large, flightless bird from East Africa. ... But believe me, Doris—once you get to know me, you’ll see I’m much, much more than that.”

“Uh-oh, Stan. I guess it wasn’t a big, blue mule deer.”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Frischberg, I thought you’d come … but which of us is the real duck, Mr. Frischberg, and not just an illusion?”

“I make no claims about all my success, Bernard. I never went to school, I never worked hard, and I’m not particularly bright. ... I’m just a lucky skunk, Bernard.”

“Well, the Answer Man says, ‘If the wheels start to spin, try rocking the car back and forth’…”

Various philosophies

“ALERT! ALERT! ... IT’S THE SUCKING DEATH!”

Seconds later, Mrs. Norton was covered with ink.

The wereduck cometh.

It had started off as a pleasant evening, but, as the Caldwells were soon to discover, it was a mistake to try and trump the old gypsy woman.

“I’ve got it again, Larry … an eerie feeling like there’s something on top of the bed.”

Whale fitness classes

“Uh-oh! It says here: ‘A good mimic, this bird should not be exposed to foul or abusive sounds.’”

“Tell it again, Gramps! The one about being caught in the shark frenzy off the Great Barrier Reef!”

“Oh, wonderful—you’re early.”

“Oh, gross!”

“Looks like this place has been pretty much sucked over.”

Punk worms

Forest violence

“I know you miss the Wainwrights, Bobby, but they were weak and stupid people—and that’s why we have wolves and other large predators.”

“Well, don’t bring the filthy things in here, you imbecile! … Take ’em down to the lake!”

Another sighting of the Loch Ness dog

“Wait! Wait! Here’s another one—the screams of a man lost in the woods.”

Butterflies from the wrong side of the meadow

“Andrew … the cows have come home.”

“Well, that does it! … Tomorrow he dies.”

“Crimony! Every night you ask me what’s for dinner and every night I say the same thing: ‘Moths, moths, moths!’”

“Well, just look at you, Jimmy! ... Soaking wet, hair mussed up, shoes untied ... and take that horrible thing out of your mouth!”

“Food’s okay … I just can’t get used to the atmosphere.”

In its more horrific method of retribution, the mob will sometimes dress victims as mimes, place them in glass boxes, and let them perish slowly in full view of the public.