it’s never been easier to visit the white house now that they added that giant hole

Tits or ass? Bro, her overwhelmingly threatening aura

Happy discount mattress weekend to all who celebrate

babe why are you so obsessed with the green ribbon tied around my neck just let it go

mods won’t even let you threaten them with a good time now

you can take away bluesky but you can’t unfuck that can of beans

bingeing season 2 of Toilet Crimes

fuck I love creating flowcharts

ts eliot: writes the bleakest post ww1 poem ever seen also ts eliot: “and this cat’s name is scrimbelorum!”

dryads imply the existence of moistads

Hamburglar ass socks

The 1993 hit “Whoomp! There It Is” by Tag Team was written about me

It’s still May Day if you’re a sleepy comrade

They didn’t need to do Little Richard dirty like that

To the fed reading this: DO U LIKE ME? YES NO 🥺 👉👈

“We’re getting reports that the man in the back said ‘everyone attack!’ just moments before it turned into a ballroom blitz. For more on this story we turn now to Tia Carrere…”

I think its pretty clear at this point that secret cabals of highly trained assassins exist only in movies

my milkshake brings some weird freak to my yard

Prince died 10 years ago today and honestly everything has been shit since

it's always enriched uranium, never enriched me-ranium

Online dating in a nutshell

You guys, why aren’t more people talking about Mandani rapping under the name “Young Cardamom”?

This is literally how I met most of my NYC friends 20 years ago. I don’t know how to do the tweets and skeets. Please

Happy Tax Day, New York. We’re taxing the rich.

i hate this emoji £ what even is this

friends! enemies! if you're in Baltimore this Thursday night, come check out Proxima Arcanum's reading at The Current Space! it's a terrific venue w/ cool folks & great vibes (fun fact: I'm one of the readers!)

when the posting gremlins got you but you’re tryna pass a background check

normal people have gotten hold of one of my posts and now if I say anything about pope leo and his Diet of Worms they’re going to assume its the one from 1521

anyone who thinks the pope isn’t political really hasn’t been paying much attention for the last two thousand years

how come they don't sell cucumber-sized pickles? unserious ass country

Dinosaurs are crazy cause its like we used to have proper monsters and now its just shitty dudes

In 2023, you could skeet things like “are you saying this sylvania is trans?” and it would crash the servers

Harpy wife harpy life

I need to be sent to go live on a farm upstate

just watched a video of some guys repeatedly jumpkicking a robot like this isn't how you get cylons

girl on tik tok just said a toaster is more than just an exciting bath bomb

defunded education so much they're teaching crescent earth theory in schools

Can anyone else no longer save images others have posted? This site is a mess

gen z will never understand this but in the 2000’s everyone had that one friend whose personality was bacon

guys jesus is dead rn do your sins

Game of Thrones could have used a musical episode, ngl

Cleopas: happy Easter! Jesus: happy…what? Cleopas: sounds cool right? Babylonian, I think. It’s what everyone is calling your rebirthday now Jesus: Well what are they calling the day I died? Cleopas: you’re not gonna believe this, but

ngl I’m ready for the meek to inherit the earth

I can’t believe they’re faking another moon landing

I'm hoping the Jerrification is an April Fool's gag but bluesky does not do jokes.

FRANCE: we're fancy WORLD: ok FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich is our national lunch WORLD: FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich with an egg is its wife

I went to Buffalo Exchange but they said they only do clothes now