Waking up in the middle of the night to post is my drafts folder

Hollywood hamshake

Do you remember the time michael jackson challenged the pharaoh to a dance battle and the pharaoh got angry and MJ turned into sand about it?

Babe, i think you should cut your bangs weird

This is how Democrats keep their jobs in November

The girls are fighting

Ken Walker is gonna get PAID

The turning point channel is just square dancing and Mike Pence singing “There’s a Hole in My Bucket, Dear Liza”

Do these super bowl commercials make you excited to do commerce?

Traitors is goated for listening to the dumbest people you’ve ever seen talk about how clever they are

Ok friends, I need your help! I got tons of messages asking for the link so here it is! I finally get to run a race with matching funds too! In district donors get a 12-1 match for the first $5-$50 and there is matching dollars for up to the first $250! secure.actblue.com/donate/yuh-l...

if I wanted to wrestle a manatee in a bikini I’d visit your mom at work

at 300 followers i will blame alber’s dad

Cutie is only skin deep

I hate the things they love

luge is just aggressive napping

Timothy Olyphant is like the fake name an elephant gives at hotels when he doesn’t want to be disturbed by paparazzi

imagine getting dunked on in iambic pentameter

We gotta come up with a better system than “everything rests on whether these twelve billionnaires are nice”

French people love saying “sacred blue”

does the guy who punches the hair off people’s heads take requests?

Ted Cruz was a HEART-THROB in the 1970’s, but what he looks like now will MELT YOUR BRAIN

thinking about explaining the joke to the joke understander to speed this thing along (the inevitable heat death of the universe)

You know what the previous generation called Boomers? The “Me” generation.

Elton John rededicating “Candle in the Wind” to how bad you got ratio’d

All the best bots follow me

The markets are sad the pedophiles are sad

Jeez its almost as if every rich and powerful person is a bad guy

BREAKING: NEW YORK (AP) — Judge rules that Luigi Mangione is cool as hell.

cashmere sock weather

switch to shrimp mobile and save

Gramp Turismo

bsky mods taking on a bigger role as vibe police is a wild choice. Their vibe is curdled milk. Their vibe is karoline leavitt.

we all have that one room filled with wax encrusted candelabras

well we would hope nobody needs to hear this but just in case THE HORSE IS RIGHT THIS TIME

Tired of eating tiny shrimps? Sounds like a krill issue

You are most hot and furious when you win.

I nap in the back of my dragula

getting harder every day to be a silly goose and not that one with the knife

The persistence of glen powell and jared leto is not a good economic indicator for the movie industry

Why do they call them djinn and not sandwitches?

there’s a whole genre of music now where girls sing like sleepy babies and boys sing like they’re trying to sell you homemade four lokos

siri, can you die of rhea?

watching a documentary about our nation’s declining freak population (pink flamingos)

all kids do nowadays is ask AI if plato is in fortnite

the wild thing about talking to british people is you’ll say something like “nice sunglasses” and they’ll act confused and say “oh, you mean my deluminators?”

I don't think any AFC team should be in the Super Bowl

Maybe the real monster was the frankensteins we made along the way

archaeologists are always tryna fuck mummies because of their pharaoh moans

insurance won’t cover the colonoscopy so just gonna sit on this GoPro