i better get off here before i think of ten more jokes in a row

Big stretch!

Just skipped a YouTube ad in the middle of a guy saying, “You carry a knife every day, but the pants you’re wearing don’t respect that.”

That's a wild sweater. Looks like it was raised by wools.

thinking of becoming a bracelet guy

Would you go on an adventure in the king frog balloon? [Y/N]

america needs a new flavor sensation

So hard to get out of bed when it's raining men

No, I didn’t eat any chicken

i, too, used to be married to fmr bluesky ceo jay graber. i caught her eye testing out various electronics for their waterproof capabilities down by a muddy creek and she was immediately enthralled.

they should invent a new type of airplane that's really wide instead of long

Happy 1st Gotcha Day Starbuck and Hollus! These small brothers share exactly one brain cell and may not even realize they exist, so they will be celebrated extra hard today in the hope they understand how special they are! 💚💚

good news, I'll take what i can get. Moving marijuana from Schedule 1 to Schedule 3 (and maybe move out of the schedule classification entirely?)

You’re about to feel the AI money squeeze

Pluppy (Plane puppy)

sometimes i have trouble deciding which of the many news stories to scream and cry over first thing in the morn

Think I’m on my 4th mid-life crises.

what the fuck is going on

cheese is our most precious natural resource

this thing really works, 5/5 stars it's a straw you suck from and it gets rid of hiccups

listen to this very healthy and great man breathing as he sits motionless. the peak of american manhood.

going down to the discount wives store to pick over the remnants

Today's frog is the green-and-black poison dart frog.

Speak, friend, and enter. 🐞🍀 Have been converting the backyard into a clover paradise and released ladybugs as well. Doing a bit of garden clean-up and checking on things and such delight to find this friend. #gardening #spring #ladybugs #clover

what is that crow walking on? go ahead, zoom in & tell me.

If we eat all the snow, what happens to winter?

widecat

Them: Hi Grae, what are you up to? Not making anything cursed I hope! Me: uhhhhhhhh

aliens are already here they're potatoes

She beo on my wulf until I grendel

whats goin on in that lil walnut brain son

pubes are there for the taking

boiling my eyeballs in a big pot to get them nice and clean

you guys gotta open this and see this 👇

now that earth day is over today we celebrate wind and tomorrow fire

I'm brave enough to admit that I would, in fact, buy this the day it goes on sale or see it opening night. Yes, I would.

Thank heaven it's evil friday

he said he can't cover your shift because he had a crazy fruit dream

watching the Jersey Mike’s worker make my sandwich

My cheeky are feeling pert and perky. A side effect of Seagull jerky

he is a lustrous being

this is nutso

both! streaming is on its way to a new approach to shows where people all check a schedule for when the movie will be available, which they'll need to plan around, because everyone has to start it at the same time to reach the end before it's removed. a printed guide available at grocery stores will

Why can’t we rely on Canada, did our government do something that alienated them

*Sean Connery voice

why do cats think it’s okay to lay on us but we cannot lay on them

just saw a woman named "Kim" like one of my posts and had an Ali Khamenei pfp unironically and I just wish the Iranian hackers could witness this

@coolguykevin․bsky․social Funny how Bluesky is 18,000x worse thanks to "vibe coding" @necrophilia․dev Learn literally anything at all about how code works. You freaks are insane. @coolguykevin․bsky․social uh your handle is "necrophilia dev" @necrophilia․dev The corpses are ethically sourced moron

fuck earth day, worst planet imo