how’s ur seven card, stud?

My fish monger was crabby today. Apparently he pulled a mussel.

The violence with which this gas station is playing The Spice Girls is incredible.

If we aren’t hyping each other up, what’s even the point.

in search of a scientist who can rearrange my atoms until I look like Angelina Jolie in the 90’s with the singing voice of Karen Carpenter

i’ve never commandeered a train before but how hard can it be

leaving work early bc i farted in my office

Say hi to your butthole for me.

ela coleciona pedras 🪨🪨🪨🪨🪨

When people ask how we met, my wife says I was a rescue.

The Purge but it’s just clearing your life of the people that want to see you fail

Reminder: They didn’t burn witches. They murdered women. Independent women. Assertive women. Intelligent women. Women who refused to be quiet. Women who refused to roll over. Women who refused to submit. Watch out for your sisters.

hey baby are you mahogany? because you are a hard would

The DNC autopsy was written by AI 😂😂😂

"Another Rainy Day in New York City" wow... stay safe out there folks. Last night was crazy.

Betty and Angus are pleased to share their latest update on Growing!

ears ❤️

Where do I live? Go northeast on the horny highway. Hang a right on bitch street

Staying awake for five days at a time is not good for you, I’m thinking.

a flock of bluesky users is called a cringe

My kink is alive

The results are in. Congratulations Jeffrey Epstein, I guess. 😳

I prefer when the Illuminati used to keep to themselves.

AI is trash. You are trash if you use AI like this.

This artwork is titled Strada con lampioni (Street with Lampposts), painted by the Italian artist Salvo (Salvatore Mangione) in 2001.

So overcast and dry. A fire has been burning in San Bernardino.

I can’t decide if the country was stolen or if they just let him win

My idea of rearranging her guts is just getting her Taco Bell.

jeez louise implies the existence of jesus louisus

so help me if i ever accidentally hit that live button, we’re done here.

Friends are the family you choose for yourself. Family are the people you choose to keep away from your friends.

I’m not a hater I’m a razzer

Wash Your Weasel Wednesday

And who make or female would ever put up with this bullshit From their partner. No one. I’m not partner material

I did the thing that scares me for no reason 🥰🥳😭🥳

Hearing Viola Davis say it out loud hits different. These aren’t just stats—they’re real people and real trauma. Yet too many look away. We won’t. Her #CupOfJoe speaks truth to power. ☕️

accidentally hooked up the ODB to read the fault code and got: You give me your number, I'll call you up

How your email finds me

at 25K, I will absolutely disappoint 25K

Me every morning

good morning lil baby sunshines only, good morning to you 🎵

i'm i breathed wrong and gave myself the hiccups years old is this a thing i don't know if this is a thing

I can't wait for everyone to buy a copy or borrow a copy of my book, "Failing Spectacularly in Public and How It Actually Didn't Kill Me Although I Wished At Times It Had"