“Hey I guess we ARE out of the woods now hahaha, get it?”

[me, three hours into being kidnapped] Ok, do you guys want me to sing Red or 1989 next? Oh, and I’m happy to take requests from any era! *van screeches to a halt as I’m unceremoniously tossed out onto the sidewalk* Hey, you haven’t yet heard my favorite Easter egg for The Life Of A Showgirl!

cornnilingus. you heard it here first.

The same press that could instantly diagnose Biden’s cognitive disabilities have somehow lost their great powers during Trump II.

More than 1800 detainees are missing after the closure of Alligator Alcatraz. Their families and lawyers can’t find them and they’ve vanished from the ICE database. Feels like this should be a much bigger story www.miamiherald.com/news/local/i...

My new work attitude (“Operation Act Like a Nice Person”) has hit a major snag because apparently this week is “find the person you know hates ai and tell them how you used it for a big project that it ruined and you had to redo anyway” week. I hope a piano falls on my head soon.

I no longer have pet peeves. All the peeves around here have gone feral. They are now unpredictable and may bite.

I'm in the mood for watching a movie about ghosts, and people who bust them. Any ideas?

If my 70+ year old Dad said "Tylenol gives you autism", he would be dismissed as suffering from dementia. Why are the headlines from the USA like: "The President said this" and not: "The PRESIDENT!?!?!? said THIS!?!?!?"

If eating spicy ramen for breakfast is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

This is Sinclair Broadcasting.

more like crapture amirite

Whenever I see a lone shoe on the road I figure someone’s foot has been raptured

Was talking to my MD spouse about the Tylenol-autism kerfuffle. Her take was insightful. Now, pregnant women with fevers will be afraid to take Tylenol to stop their fevers. And ironically, it's the fevers that might be responsible for fetal neurological maldevelopment.

ATTENTION PARENTS: is your child texting about the Rapture? KNOW THE SIGNS: LOL: left on land WTF: where’s the family ROFL: rapture only for losers OMG: oh ma geddon

Happy Bisexual Visibility Day to all the bisexuals who did not get raptured.

The same bs they're spewing about autism and tylenol is the same bs they're spewing about trans people's healthcare. It's the exact same playbook and the fact that the media can see through one and not the other is a damning indictment of how complicit they are in the attack on trans lives.

*having a hot flash* uh oh, guess I’m going to the bad place

omg omg i think im being raptured nope just stood up too quickly oof nvm

Epsteinaminophen.

Trump: "Asceda -- well, let's see how we say that. Ascenem -- enophin. Acetaminophen. Is that okay?"

I legit thought this was supposed to be RFK Jr.

Gupta: It is safe. That’s what the best-quality research shows. And how irresponsible, using the podium of the WH to put this out there when you’re not even offering an alternative. That is dangerous. An untreated fever is dangerous. Untreated pain in pregnancy is dangerous.

A pop up box on Tylenol dot com

This ought to be engraved somewhere.

My rapture outfit

Idk it feels like something is shifting. This tweet was also the language of the AP push alert, and just now the Times chimed in:

Autism doesn’t need to be cured.

I wish people would stop putting boo in their usernames I can only take so many jump scares in a day

Just 2 gun rights advocates sitting behind a wall of bulletproof glass while enjoying a memorial for a gun rights advocate who got murdered by a gun.

People instinctively hate this mealy-mouthed fence sitting nonsense because it directly shows a lack of conviction, a core moral weakness. What the fuck does he have to "consult" about with "other members"? Shit or get off the pot, dude.

Hear me out. RFK Jr. IS the Kennedy curse.

Trump is calling autism “out of control” No… Autism stigma is out of control Ableism is out of control Inaccessibility to basic healthcare and support is out of control

Trump trying to send a DM to Pam Bondi but actually posting it on TruthSocial instead raises new questions about Joe Biden's mental acuity.

I'm surprised NBC hasn't been forced to fire this journalist yet

⚠ this user will not be raptured

[naked and stuck like a helium balloon against the Home Depot ceiling during The Rapture]

Star Wars, about fighting imperial fascism and authoritarian control, brought to you by Free Speech Advocates, Disney *checks notes* oh no

Releasing a Star Wars trailer like "break glass in case of PR nightmare.'

Weed hasn't gotten too strong, you've gotten too weak

queef is short for queen fart

This is a memorial service. The President of the United States is a small child.

AUTISM and TYLENOL A study of 2.5 million children showed a small association between acetaminophen use during pregnancy and autism—but this finding DISAPPEARED when full siblings were compared. “Acetaminophen use during pregnancy was not associated with children’s risk of autism…” Full article:

Scientific evidence suggests that dogs were domesticated over 15,000 years ago. Here's hoping humans become civilized within the next 15,000

what do you mean he was a grifter, they're all grifters. are you saying funerals don't usually have a number you can text to order merch

i farted thru my peenus