💖 youtu.be/WOgQpjARYyc?...

psa: did you know that about 99% of all posts right now are about trump (appropriately so, in light of current events) and you are free to make relevant comments on the majority of those instead of forcefully injecting the topic into unrelated, non-political posts?

I want you all to imagine a frog as a stand up comedian that bombs. The audience is completely silent, except for the crickets. It's time for a feast.

this is what hacking the mainframe actually means

I promise to like all your posts if you promise not to post bad.

you have to understand the 90s were a different era, the norms wouldn’t be acceptable by today’s standards. for some reason, people were really really into auxiliary cartoon characters like the tasmanian devil and tweety bird.

birds do it bees do it even educated fleas do it let's do it let's fly into a window

gettin paid to watch Spaceballs 🍿😎

Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession

i regret to inform you (because i don’t want to talk to you) that i don't want to talk to you

Yo, listen up here's a story About a little guy That lives in a goo world And all day and all night And everything he sees is just goo Like him inside and outside

getting paid to listen to Mexican reggae 🎶😎

this is about me

fungible thadius, a local institution enjoy your stay

I have 40 minutes to catch up on several hours of lost sleep

gas, ass, or grass, but the grass is mrs grass noodle soup

Just one of dem days That a cat goes through

(slapping a hundred dollar bill on the bar) bring me your finest shitpost

Anybody got any of that blissful ignorance?

Sometimes you just need to lose your shit

the mask is slipping off today

What if we had a knife fight in the ambient glow of roku city

Having had some time off work to ruminate. I have realized that I wasn’t meant to work.

Miss Cleo never told me any of this shit was gonna happen. I want a refund

Like crows pecking through your garbage cans, these are the days of our lives

It's so awkward to pick up a hitchiker and find out they're a serial killer, too

weeds are cool and all, but there should be other tumblethings

oh, NOW yall are interested in a Saints game

chicken nuggets are just ranch mops

A container that keeps liquids hot, cold, OR room temperature. Presenting the Th3rmos. Also focus grouping Thirdmos.

reaching a flow state while playing with his testicles like they’re baoding balls

I'm sorry I yelled "Up, periscope!" at your penis during sex

Let’s unroll a cinnamon roll and eat it Lady and the Tramp style.

Eat salt for your health But not too much Hydrate You're doing it wrong Don't push past fatigue But don't decondition Lose weight Lose weight Lose weight Take these pills to help you Not those pills They'll kill you Faster Than you're already dying Why can't you just follow Directions?

PBeez Whiz

*circles just your pfp with a crayon that's my skircle

walking to work. as a bit

i fertilized all the eggs in your fridge for you

murder, they vote

looking for random stuff to throw into the abyss just to watch it

current:

Child client: “so how long have you had your daughter?” Me: “she’s 5 years old” Child client: “oh, not too bad”

a periodic rewatch this is mandatory

one problem with learning is it will make you so angry at how stupid everything is

whatchu mean?

Found me something at the farmers market 🤩

oh.