If things keep up at this pace, I’m gonna need better drugs.

Your saved skeets are stored in the balls.

I may not be the nicest person here, but I’m also not the smartest.

I kinda want to find resister posts and just comment “I see what you did there” on all of them.

If you want your feed peppered with dumb ass posts, you’ve come to the right place.

I joined bsky 420 days ago. Do with that as you please.

Michael Keaton is the one true Batman. There, I said it.

When I was a teen I worked at an amusement park. A friend and I would pick a band and for the 2 1/2 hours between breaks that’s what we’d listen to. We did Pink Floyd once and were barely awake by our next break.

“I knew I should’ve taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

melatonin bath bomb for when my butthole cant sleep.

Ever have diarrhea and you feel a sneeze coming on and just say a little prayer? Yeah.

two of my favorite foods are pizza, and egg sandwiches. tonight the bread for my egg sandwich is two slices of pizza because i am a goddamn genius

There are ghosts in your house but don't be so arrogant to think they have the time or energy to fuck your shit about.

Throwing around likes as if I’m some kind of dopamine fairy.

not street smart, not book smart, but a secret third thing

Found out yesterday a pickle and cheese sandwich is a common thing Brits eat. This is why we declared independence. It goes against nature.

I think I’m gonna stop posting and just be the world’s greatest reply guy. I’m gonna be in all your scircles!

Why do phones even have notification tones and ringers? Who uses that shit? If I hear your phone, I’m picking it up and throwing it at the wall.

Having been sick to my stomach I’ve had to swap out my coffee for tea. Like I’m British or something.

Why is Y sometimes a vowel? Couldn’t you just replace vowel Y with I and never have Y as a vowel?

My resolution to be the coziest person in every room is going very well

Me: I could cut out a sentence if I add a picture to the post. Also me: writes two paragraphs of alt text for the picture. Moral: work harder, not smarter

Why does Vecna turn into what I can only assume is the next Doctor.

Weird, Mr Whatsit is the name of my peen. My balls are the whoopsie twins.

All I want for 2026 is to be able to google butt plugs without getting them advertised to me for the next two weeks.

I promise to like all your posts if you promise not to post bad.

I see you, @cult-papa.com . This is exactly what a cult would say.

I just saw @grilldcheese.bsky.social is following 666 people. I’m honored to be one of them.

Would you still love me if I yawned like a ridiculous Smurf?

I promise to like all your posts if you promise not to post bad.

Remember when Obama wore a tan suit and everyone lost their shit? Those were the days.

How many of us have permanent scars in our mouths from microwave pizza roll burns?

The last four days with a stomach virus has confirmed that ass eating isn’t for me.

Wonder what would happen if a caterpillar went into their chrysalis and came back out a caterpillar?

Usually profanity makes things funnier, however butthole will always be funnier than asshole.

My butthole is on fire. That is all. Goodnight.

Changing your name to Jason the Rude.

Sorry I didn’t like your skeet. It’s nothing personal, it was just really bad.

Is it spring yet? I’m over the cold weather.

I don’t know what the hell I have but I feel like someone has beat the shit out of me today. Happy new year I guess.

MEGA STUF

At the end of the movie they find out the world actually ended in 2025.

What kind of human buys regular Oreos when double stuff Oreos are right there?

Chilling and watching @gregthemiller.bsky.social on Ted Lasso.

Although Mickey Mouse entered the public domain in 2024, his iconic shorts weren’t introduced until the 1930 cartoon “Modest Mouse”. As the copyright on that cartoon has just expired, it is now legal to depict Mickey without his exposed anus and genitals

Best thing about NYE when your kids are over 21 is no boring ass games and watching Ryan Secrest.

Here’s how my year went. Gotta work harder in 2026. www.madebyolof.com/bluesky-wrap...

For many years when I was in a cult every New Year’s Eve was spent in a four hour church service. I played drums so I was usually on stage. I don’t miss those days.

Got a first edition copy of War and Peace. Did y’all know it’s in Russian? But it looks good on my bookshelf.