DAVID LETTERMAN: Mueller She Wrote, Paul. PAUL SHAFFER: Mueller She Wrote. DAVID LETTERMAN: It's a podcast, huge, enormously popular podcast. PAUL SHAFFER: Huge podcast, sure.

The lizard protector box that ate my weekend is finished :)

He was rough-hewn, like a big piece of fuckable lumber.

Thinking of a reply that you will like

Not saying "gangbusters" anymore because it's cop speak

Aw damn I thought S-tier meant shit tier. Been avoiding S-tier items for years.

Spring! Some happiness from around the yard on a busy sunny day.

you are NOT chopped. you are NOT unc. you are SIGMA. you are AURA FARMING.

My fuel light came on but only because I was parked on an incline. So I got that going for me.

Behold the world's most expensive square

"Sleeper cells" oh you mean civilian expats whose families you just killed for no reason

The slingshot maneuver

Going Back 2: Home Depot

If I had a child I would tell them "never skimp on shop vac power." Please share this with your children for me.

George RR Martin was the first fantasy author to imagine "what if a whole family had platinum blonde hair?"

Finding the Home Depot guy who showed me the wrong thing and showing him the right thing

They should make an app for your phone that locks other apps until you run 3 miles

I'm not that competitive. Probably the least competitive person I know. You think you're less competitive than me? Prove it, asshole! Let's do this!

damn it's crazy that weeders getting cancelled today

Someone's getting canceled on here today I can feel it

On the one hand knuckle tattoos are cool, on the other hand they're dude

1-800-Flowers you really package live orchids this way, you sick fucks, you won't get away with this

Let's check in on men, see how men are doing, oh no

“Just be yourself” I tried that

the most important sandwich of your life

I didn't mean to get a nazi tattoo, I was getting a straight line but accidentally jerked my arm down at an angle, then up to the right, then down again, then up at an angle, back to the left, and up again. This other one was supposed to be a cross but I started spinning.

When you hear the term "petrodollars" shit is gettin real

Movies made me think eventually someone would bring me breakfast in bed but I can't even get a damn protein bar

Not gonna post anything controversial today, just gonna mind my own business, rinse my dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, do a few other chores, take it easy

project male hairy

Being a salty/sweet snack person is dangerous because sometimes you get caught in a loop

Like a 7-11 restroom the way I need attention

Due to high geopolitical tensions, sports fans are temporarily required to contextualize their posts, for example: ❌ OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK ✔️ OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK how did he make that basketball go in the hole

Here are some nice mushrooms

If everyone on bluesky demanded a four-day-work-week, we would quickly grasp the shallow limit of our influence.

Where can a God-fearing man browse barbecue rubs, marinades, and sauces without being confronted by crass innuendo?

This week, everyone in America learned that Iran has islands.

Phlox subulata I planted 2 years ago from a single pot is now forming a nice mat

The media right now

🫥

Me interviewing a bald man: turn off the hair light, the glare will be unflattering Me interviewing Brendan Carr: let's add a few more hair lights

"a Klondike Bar could fix me" no it couldn't dude, that's putting a whole lot on a Klondike Bar

avocadonotcontactme

Can I buy your lunch? I'll give you $12, sight unseen.

A Sonic type restaurant where they change your oil, come on civilization, this stuff isn't rocket science

Sorry for being so annoying in the metaverse that everyone left. Hopefully the same thing isn't happening here.