Check out this sword stuck in a stone!!

Heads up, the deadline to fix your hearts or die is tomorrow

Applied for a credit card but forgot I froze my credit. Not so fast, me.

Dario Sargento movies kinda cheesy

Call your dad before 10am and you seem too eager, dads don't go for that.

Oh my god. Honey, don't move.

Wish there was a beef jerky store with 80 toilets

"he's probably thinking about other women"

An Australian pointed out their flag is also red white and blue and I'll be damned.

Gotta hand it to the British, it's cool how their politicians resign.

Every night, while the Shoemaker slept, the elves logged on to post about something called Keir Starmer

Contemporary Warship Music

Going undercover as a Nate to infiltrate the Nate group chat

Prettiest plantpot dapperlings I've seen

Computer hardware prices are limiting my potential and that is Un-American.

Ok Beefsteak Tomato, let's not go crazy naming this thing. Robust Tomato, sure.

"The problem with the internet is anonymity" ok but people on nextdoor are insane next to their full name and address

(doing a stupid maneuver) this works too. It’s another way to do it

i just realized this dude's opener was a... sweet kara line

Finally, a politician who speaks for the owners of S corporations and other passthrough entities

PS4 Batman games perfectly capture what it's like to be Batman and have way too much stuff and be confused how to use it all while you're getting your ass kicked

Kissimmee-St. Cloud, Final Fantasy dialog ass vacation destination

Every time I download the Domino's app, my health insurance app deletes it?

Friday night!

Reading the Daily Mail to my child like a storybook

*furiously deleting posts*

Babe ya know how they were out of Milton's Multi-Grain Organic Crackers for months? Well they had some today and I can't help but feel *face darkening, voice lowered* they've changed somehow

Hey, worried this relationship is parasocial so I just want to make sure you're aware of me and that I'm mad at you

Damn bro you should make like a surgeon and sterilize your instrument because that guitar solo was filthy

Me: Tough rooting for the USA these days Them: We are playing Australia Me:

I should call her.

i personally think it is good to say the war, like every war of my lifetime, was a disaster that did nothing for the american people. i think hawks need their beaks rubbed in it for a generation which i think makes sense politically and in destroying trumps “winner” mystique with certain voters

User Went To Bed After This Post

Just found out today that all the presidents from before are friends and I'm very upset

Imagine being god and making a mosquito land on a person's face while they're working on the computer so they slap themselves in the face. It's hilarious. That's definitely what's happening.

Probably just a coincidence 🙄

You can stop researching Stonehenge now. We've got everything we need, thank you.

S/O: You're making a lot of noises, everything ok *don't remember making any noises at all*

JBOD (just a bunch of disks) - one of the best acronyms of all time

it's the same picture dot jpg

Hopeful Mobster: Just gotta make it to the midtoims

Seal: We're never gonna survive 😞 Unless...🤪

Millennial Cognitive Exam may be too easy

Bingo Caller: I think I'm gonna *dry heaving* B6!