dissociate so strong, i evaporate

My ideal threesome includes a breakfast burrito

I regret to inform you that I am once again awake and out of bed

[handcuffed] officer, the Dow is at the highest it’s ever been!!!

Brb, updating my resume to include “number one political enemy”

idk something about the world’s most poorly closeted nazi fuckboy suggesting we put women into breeding camps and only “the good ones” ever get to not be sex slaves doesn’t sit right with me

they should invent a body that doesn’t need to be turned over over and over like a rotisserie chicken when you sleep

It turns out that the only thing standing between us and a version of the pentagon that closes airspace to shoot down party balloons were those diversity trainings at work

bluesky spitposter: [asks question in earnest] the comments: [1000 replies that are political as fuck; no one actually answers the question]

"This. Is. Jeopardy." Me: *wrestling Johnny Gilbert to the ground* That's not in the form of a question

what if I went to sleep at a reasonable hour, what then?

I wasn't feeling much about the addition of drafts until I remembered a favorite use for them. Saving standouts from the random jumbles of words/concepts that sometimes flow through my train of thought while half-asleep.

Someone called it Seated Rivalry

the cycle of “devs working for years to make a game > game launches (and it doesn’t matter how successful it is) > two week waiting period > most of the team laid off” is not only entirely unsustainable but genuinely horrifying

Like, straight up: I am not engaging with you. I am blocking you and forgetting about you. Because I don't fucking believe you. You are putting on a little show.

I stand by my opinion that everyone claiming to not understand why anyone is against genAI in TYoOL 2026, or that anyone against it is just a hysteric incapable of reason, is a fucking faker.

At what age does “tired” become your whole personality? I think I may have reached it.

ask not for whom the skeet bangs, it bangs for thee

lugeing the Large Hadron Collider would fix me

if you move you’ll have to reregister. If you get booted from the rolls you’ll have to reregister. In person. With a passport unless your birth cert matches your drivers license. This is a poll tax and will be fought but it’s best to tell them to knock this shit off now before it gets any further

There are *journalists* on here who will post something that is AI or photoshopped, and people will *tell them* and they will leave it up and continue having side conversations with the commenters who still think it’s real and the only conclusion I can draw is that they’re addicted to their numbers.

Hold on murderous robber let me go to my wall and grab my antique knife. It's shaped like brass knuckles so give me a minute.

no joke here, just a reminder that the ultra wealthy do not see you as human but rather as a resource to extract for profit

Gandalf really is heroic when you consider that there were originally five wizards and one of them turned evil, two of them fucked off and went out east to have orgies, and one is just super into talking to gophers. The one last hope of free peoples was the stoner and that crazy mfer did it.

I'm going to start calling it 'Bluesky, the Everything App' and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it

I did the thing! I emailed, cold, the author of a book I liked to tell them it was good, and to say thanks. Know what? That's a good idea. You were all correct. Everyone should do that.

I am being discriminated against by this childproof packaging for my bedtime weed gummies

i feel like in the Coen Brothers universe a lot of people are really sad right now to learn The Dude is in the Jackie Treehorn files.

we need more Smedley Butlers and fewer Bradley Coopers.

Optimist: glass half full Pessimist: glass half empty Conformist: yeah, what those guys said

“I just needed to spin the Pokestop”

If you listen very carefully you can hear the Mario shrinking sound whenever I get my feelings hurt

I gotta say, "the Pentagon uses a high powered laser to shoot down a party balloon" feels like enough symbolism for awhile. all full up thanks

breaking: we've stolen the future from our children to finance our 7th houses, yet they still go on eating and drinking

me, when i'm getting the treatment i deserve

Over on threads someone just use ai;dr and we all need to adopt that right quick

I know you're not supposed to pick on things people can't help, but Pam Bondi is dumber than a bag of dog shit on the ground next to a trashcan instead of inside it

[after learning about how muscles work] oh so we're marionettes from the inside

Just a couple years ago it was "have fun being poor," "your job is going away, you're being replaced loser," "you better reskill because this is the only thing that matters now." So yeah I'm hostile to the idea and I think everyone into it is a thief and a loser

Read a book or play Doom, I don't give a shit what feelings you think a spreadsheet has

"We should consider the possibility" no they should consider the possibility of eating shit

Man I'm so goddamn sick of ai. "Wahhh you can't have a reasonable conversation about ai on here," yeah maybe be mad about the two year parade of scam artists and financial charlatans and environmental ruiners who have radicalized everyone against the spell check that agrees with you

I don't actually have to debate the merits of a product made by assholes who stole my (and everyone else's) work. That's not something I have to do. And it's pretty fucked up to expect anyone to do that. And I'm not shocked that "give AI a chance" weirdos also turn out to be debate pervs.

A reasonable discussion about AI would come to the conclusion that this tech is damaging to humanity in virtually every way a tech can be damaging. But I'd rather have an emotional discussion and point out that this tech is shit made by assholes, and it stole from me, personally, so fuck it.

When your post gets in the discover feed

yippie kayak motherfucker

It was a good day (saw ravens irl)

Nothing says freedom like going to Walmart for printer ink to print paperwork to update my birth certificate so I can prove I exist enough to vote. Land of the free, home of the administrative burden

Love how colon cancer keeps killing people under 50 and yet insurance doesn't cover colonoscopy without cost-sharing until age 45. I just paid $1,584 out of pocket for mine thanks to my deductible and copays