sunny and warm means a day at the skatepark

that middle of the night wator 😮‍💨

💭 tonight, cookies and cyberpunk 2077?

crystal hot sauce , bae

how the fuck do the Flintstones know about Christmas

standing under some parsley and hoping a lasagna will kiss me

new phone update tells me to turn down my headphones ok THANKS MOM

the animals outside my garage clearly have an agenda: make scary noises until I go back inside

overly observant ~to the stars

pretentious comma garlicky

What if I told you the bells weren't actually jingling. What if I told you that's how they scream.

a super hero who mysteriously appears and gives snacks to people with low blood sugar

How the hell did I get here?

the hills have ayes but the mountains have more nays so the motion will likely not pass

Fear not, for I know of a tamale maker.

Saying ‘twas too often to show my Christmas cheer

Bandits is a Christmas movie.

Dolores Claiborne is a christmas movie

sorry for the foul language. im a parent so saying "what the fuck" is really just second nature at this point

greeting AND salutations? in the economy??

I used to have a chip on my shoulder until I found the right queso for me

Santa is essentially stranger danger.

How much attention is paid to a left turn signal going green is in direct proportion to how far back you are in the line. #8 is watching like a hawk. #1 don't much give a fuck.

Time spent on social media exists outside of normal time. An hour has passed offline since you started reading this.

Shopping maul

herniated disc jockey is this something

adding ominous music to my posts

My safe word for the holidays...enough.

I don't know about you all, but I like to hang my stockings by the chimney haphazardly.

When the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that's when he knew he had cardiomegaly

Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad

I choose to battle the flu with a holistic, medicinal approach. Eating meatballs.

Don't be alarmed by my obsessive use of the hot dog emoji.

pocket size theremin for my pocket size rock ballads.

LITTLE LAMB: do you hear what i hear SHEPHERD BOY: holy shit a talking lamb

you kept a shrimp as a pet then act surprised that he’s a little scamp?

As a nocturnal creature, I love to enjoy a nice long night

I’m a dad. Of course I stand to watch tv.

Life isn’t for the faint of heart; it demands courage in small doses.

This world needs more waltzes. And pie fights.

I’m still trick-or-treating. The people have run out of candy. One lady gave me the keys to her Buick. Another guy hit me with a broom

And that’s the way it was. -Walter Cronkite

I see your inflatable working hard for the holidays. It is an indefatigable inflatable, as it were

If you say ‘world’s smallest turkey’ instead of Merry Christmas you’ll find your people

my stuff isn't built for reposting it's personal, my friends

i just sat down with a bowl of soup and a fork i need to go to bed until next year