SPOILERS (kidding didn’t watch that)

back to the music

The wait is the hardest part. -baking potatoes

oh no my 23andme came back and im a silly billy but i was raised a silly goose

merely visiting this planet

made you sautéed spinach and black bean enchiladas please respond (the roasted garlic is implied)

let’s go on a date, I’ll meet you by the sewer and I’ll be the one with the red balloon

Improving society by not participating in it

My sonata brings all the boys the yard, and they’re like, it’s in C chord

The older and fatter I get, the more I fear gravity

There is definitely a strict pecking order in my family. I always rank just below the goldfish.

Nothing says sexy like mouth breathing your way through allergy season.

When a person loses 1 sense the others are heightened. That's why people who have no sense of humor have an amazing sense of self-importance.

Old age is full of trust issues. Knees, eyes, back, farts . . . gotta watch 'em at all times.

Launched myself from a trebuchet and now I’m fixed.

Ok, that’s it, I’m done. (seductively)

If I post a smartass reply to your skeet it’s not cause I don’t like you…it’s cause I’m a smartass.

Good morning, Sky Crush.

How much time on the doomsday clock cause it's all tick tick tick and no tock.

I don't know but there's room for more happy.

Cloud cover. 🌦

How about you and me with a pizza in bed..

Poor choices. <inspired>

Yo, mozzarella balls. Where's my pizza!

Plot twist..New avi, same sarcasm.

I could fight for my right to party. Or, hear me out, I could simply not.

rooting for you (me, to plants)

Going back to my roots (burying myself in the garden)

just need to turn my back for 30 seconds induction stove: the fuck you will

turning it up to 11

this is a safe space (floating in outer space)

… youtu.be/HT_Zs5FKDZE?...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways, giant breakfast burrito

30’s: devil in a blue dress. 40’s: lesser known demon in orthopedic shoes.

If I haven’t made things awkward yet, give it time

Oliver heard it was Caturday and wanted to contribute

sent you a note via carrier pigeon please respond

Not sleeping is stupid

I don't know who needs to hear this, but Doritos are better when just a little stale.

Hi

The tulip tree is starting to act all fancy.

saturday songs

mysterious or clueless

I wish the heat didn't bother me. I'd do so much more in the summer.

aw heck i ate the whole gummy

You can splash down in my ocean if you wanna

clouds or fluffy mountains

may your laps be endlessly full of cats and the pets you give them silky and satisfying unto eternity

The beginnings of purple...