you wouldn’t like me i adore controversial books

*fills tortilla with mashed potatoes for a makeshift pierogi*

in reality i'm at work in my heart i'm not

tacos with a side of mashed potatoes bc honestly who tf cares

let's make this international house of pancakes a waffle home

it goes without saying that

beautiful morning to dig up soil ✨🌸

don’t name your chickens before they hatch if you’re gonna use them later in a crime.

I’m waiting at the bus stop and the birds are out here chirping louder than the cars and that makes me happy

Grown ass man with hiccups

Asking my magic grapefruit if I’m poor

Tickling is an act of aggression

mood

tucking in all the cacti for the night

same ol’ punk songs same ol’ message

getting pics of the GrandCat 🥰

probably wouldn’t survive a zombie apocalypse because…headphones

Oh, that scar? Rug burn, '88.

oh, here we go (binges music)

Tulip timeline cleanse

A cinnamon roll counts as a breath mint.

It can be any year you want it to be if you're dressed for it.

Happy Rex Manning Day! I hope there is never a remake of this movie

“I need space” Me: like Drops of Jupiter or Ross and Rachel?

you Xanadon’t when i Xanadu this will never work

If you’ve lived in enough places you’ve probably accumulated handfuls of mystery keys.

I’m not spiraling this is a pirouette you dumbass

Don’t underestimate my ability to hyperfocus intensely on the wrong things

mood

amp feedback for soothing sleep

Nothing holds my attention better than some well articulated nonsense

your honor you don’t even wanna be a baller, shot caller

[guy who always makes the conversation about his vinyl collection] you mean the b-side of the moon

the paradox of parenting is that your greatest source of calm is also your greatest source of stress

[mummy pick up line] let’s make this sarcophagme a sarcophagus

scuba classic divers rockers 🤝 Air Supply fans

if you free run right alongside someone it is called parallel parkouring

[gazing contemplatively at a an onion i just cut in half] wow, this onion must be like fifty years old

i’m developing an app for a company that sells tiny snack size fish and now i need some betta tasters

Luke, I’m yer pappy

convinced some people are infected with the rage virus

Smiling as an act of rebellion

sorry, can’t makin’ biscuits with the kittens

you never hear about anyone cleaning down

My favorite color is 90s Taco Bell booth purple.

I feel a deep sadness for all things.

The romance of a thousand dead hearts swarming through a hopeful but tired blue sky.

adding some kerfuffle to the shenanigans

Hey. Pizza for breakfast and a Perfect Strangers marathon. You in?