OnlyFans except it's just me, seeing how far I can lean back in different reclining chairs before I tip over.

this resonated with me on a greater level than most paintings ive seen and i love paintings

Allirght. Ya all know I don't quote tweet nothin' unless I already ♻️ the thing earlier. This one, my last look, gots 4 ♻️'s Please, just click thru to below, 'cause it's not mine. Maybe give a little like to this one? Its pretty great!

socialists are so scary. and they eat food, i’ve learned

A sacred faux pas is always okay to do or is it never okay to do. I am just like, totally torn between reverence and temptation if this tear away world peace outfit works

riff deprived. some might even say i’m beriffed

i have a type it is bearded folk who yearn for the sea and whittle little genitals out of driftwood

happy birthday and many more to the always sensational, always supportive, always sexy @sireviscerate.myatproto.social; go follow him NOW if you value your time on this hellsite DO IT NOW I HAVE SPOKEN

ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be persecuted by moderation robots for crimes I didn't commit

The 4 horsemen of the apocolypse: the influencer, the streamer, the trillionaire, and ai

Don't forget to leave a wet specimen behind for whoever sits in your seat next on the bus.

For a modest fee I will compose and deliver a cryptic letter to your funeral claiming you were an international master of espionage your entire life demanding that authorities reexamine the seemingly innocuous circumstances surrounding your death at the retirement home.

sorry I’m late but I was on the way out when I lost another Hermes Carré foulard to my Easy-bake Hot Dog Roller haha oh life

falcon? all birds are a con

There are few certainties in life. Death, taxes, and really needing the biggest piss of your life just as you get comfortable.

I see patterns, if by patterns you mean stupid ass people continually doing stupid ass shit

It’s like nana always said: stop polishing your dick and get busy shuckin’

they have overdeveloped most of my old amok running places

Stuff trinkets in your bra as you go about your day. At night, empty it out and reminisce about the good times you had.

I’ve been cold-turkeying my social media addiction by shouting at my hand

Just minding my own business over here, projectile sweating every which way

Have I ever eaten a moth? Yes. Would I eat a moth again? Probably. Is it weird that I'm telling you this because you didn't ask? Absolutely. But let me ask you this: Do you have any moths?

*going up to someone losing their shit at the store* hey, are we moots on bsky?

Thanks for defining myriad for me. It means a lot.

Imagine if dogs knew there were bones inside them

i don't really see it as a disorder, so i just say i have oco which is actually much more satisfying to my oco

there will be blood (me, when using a grater)

Well Mr. Watchman Hollyhock—you were certainly worth the wait

THERE IS A SCARY BUG IN MY TOILET AND OH NO WHAT IF IT CAME OUT OF MY PANTS.

The air just wants you to close your eyes. It has so many tiny things you cannot see anyway to do so what's one more secret. A second family in space that's what

The power of Christ compels you.. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU ..TO.. Do a little dance make a little love Get down tonight Get down tonight [70's Exorcisms probably]

ME: Really? I'm not falling for that one! That's like asking if I've ever seen thunder DATE: The Sound Of Music is a movie ME: *getting my coat* Whatever Denise!

If you every need to distract a white person, turn on a show about cabin restoration

Customer: five hundred dollars for this jacket sounds a little high. Can you go any lower? Me: [extreme Barry White voice] five hundred dollars

May your showers be as cold as your heart.

A spa for men and only men called Massageny

Purple Hornet Consortium is at the top of this page. Red comes after the before but here. It's happenstance, a meeting of primaries. Chasing riverside, I found my blue after a dreidel spin. A flowing, unsweetened mischief. At the end now, it's parent apparent to a rainbow kitten surprise.

These intentions make really great paving stones!! So pretty! What's that up ahead? Is that.. is it... Oh shit, it's Hell, isn't it?

You should always agree to a quick 30-min drink with your best friend because that 1.5 hours can be the best 6 hours of your life.

Decompressing my spine by moving into the forest and hanging upside down from trees all day like a bat.

(tunneling out the side of a baguette) appetites back

why can’t we speak ill of the dead they’re dead they don’t care and besides uncle gary was a complete asshole, i eulogize succinctly

All my new hairs are coming in as pine needles.

I flip those motion-activated paper towel dispensers the finger to show the ghosts who operate them who's boss

Do you do experiments the experimental way or do you try to bring receipts for all of them to life because I've had a terrible time naming receipts but Pop Rocks rolls off the tongue for unreturnable science

OH NO, I THINK THEY CAN SEE MY POSTS, MOM.

Turn signals? Frankly, where you’re going & what you plan to do next as you drive down the road is none of my business.

I bet MC Escher fuckin loved Etch-a-Sketch

midwife: congratulations you have a beautiful baby girl, do you have a name? me: yes my parents were very thorough