how it feels to live in 2025 me: *just covered in bees* this is nice

Some days I’m Mr Hyde, other days I’m Mr Hyde.

Good morning ☀️

Ruin Christmas for giant corporations by making 26 December the new Black Friday this year.

anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?

stirring your beer with a hotdog makes it a frankenstein.

One minute they’re young and handsome with a cool car and the next, 15 years later, your husband’s securing a large house plant with a seat belt into a car seat.

I had to end my fast by sampling the broth. Those are martyr calories, they don’t count.

tears are just eye piss

Do I need a puffy vest? I feel like I need a puffy vest.

I've started referring to my orthopedic pillow as "the other woman."

the important thing is that Waldo finds himself

Just saw that gen z thinks using cash is cringe and it's official now, everything is cringe.

Have you ever ended up hating a fellow shopper just because you encounter them in every aisle? Grocery store entanglement is a bitch.

shit posting for freedom

getting bit by a radioactive vixen could fox me

Sorry about my bad mood. It's my genetic default.

I can't help but notice that every movie about time travel is about 35 minutes too long.

My neighbor already has their xmas tree up and lights outside... freakin sickos

Happy Saturday! So much for a rain-free weekend, but on the bright side I can just curl up and read. Have a great one!

Haha no kids Mickey was born 97 years ago. He's a mouse. He's dead.

Good morning ☀️

Go away! <flirting>

Nearly 40 years old, and it's like today's headlines

Fridays are for bolstering the block list!

I'm so confused rn, so yeah typical night on bsky dot app

It’s beginning to look a lot like hyuck this - Goofy, getting in the spirit

If I "fyi" you, the 'y' is unnecessary...the information is for you.

Has anyone checked on the moon. I need to know what’s happening.

Friday, finally! Saturday, arrive! Sunday, don't leave! Monday, never come back!!!

This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts.

I’ve insomnia..you’re welcome

I dare that tough guy Sandwich Man to throw a double meatball sub with marinara, sautéed onions, and melted mozzarella at my mouf

Show me or leave me alone, my peace is more important.

Not being able to think of a skeet isn't writers block. It's a sign from above

I learned something new today. I try not to do it every day. Too predictable.

only posting to try and get the 100+ posting label tomorrow, i think i’m pretty close

- Am I the only one who... - No, you're not the only one. Shut the fuck up.

"I know you're awfully busy, but will you get me some parsley, sage, and rosemary?" "Yeah. When I get thyme."

the first 24-48hrs are critical for finding Waldo

poking at your very dead looking skeet with a stick...

Help, the humans gave me a headache.

recharging under moonlight

Thank you so much for your internet opinion

*Gives out exclusively banana flavored candy for Halloween. *Has to move out of the city the next day

You don't scare me. You're not baby groot

Whenever anyone says something stupid my flanks shiver like a water buffalo who’s been shot with a tranquilizer dart before collapsing on a termite hill

Kid rummaging through ashtray: What happened to your change? Me: I used it for the snack machine, so it became my exchange. Kid: I'll be in my room researching how to become emancipated

I remember how excited I was to get married 30 years ago, now look at me, aggravated because he breathes

Just a girl obsessed with the moon.