A tragic love story where we spend our whole lives hiding from each other because we are scared of what it means to give away pieces of ourselves.

Seriously though, all these people obsessed with sex, singing about it and living for it… haven’t they heard of food?

This day in history. 1478. George, Duke of Clarence was executed for treason on orders of his brother King Edward IV, drowned, they say, in a butt of malmsey wine. It seems wasteful but his other brother tried to trade his kingdom for a horse. Anyway, what a crew.

Is it a foot fetish if I take her socks off during sex?

the worst part of being informed is the being informed part

i have something very important to say and it impacts me deeply but im non confrontational so instead im going to whisper it to my cat

She was rare, like a billionaire that isn't a pedophile.

Cats hold grudges. Always keep that in mind.

Did all the YOLO people finally die off?

If you keep your nose to the grindstone you’ll sharpen your senses.

Sometimes you pretend to tolerate something until you learn how to tolerate it.

I’ve never had a marriage proposal after posting a selfie and frankly I’m not mad, just disappointed

Date: I’m leaving. Me: *jumping out of a dumpster* why?

*pulls out a Jimmy Johns customer loyalty card (with 3 punches out of 10 for a free sandwich) from behind your ear “Is this your card?”

Getting old is a bitch

Me at work: I've gotta remember to do all the things when I get home. Me at home: Me at work the next day: I've gotta remember... well, fuck.

the age of belts is over, the time of suspenders has come

you’re all beautiful and shit (shit is stuck in my head)

For Lent, I like to go around and pick up all the bad habits people dropped.

The correct way to perfectly soften butter is one stick under each breast for 10-15 minutes. You're welcome.

Don’t make this weird just walk into the knife.

That one friend who can make you laugh yourself stupid, no matter how lost or sad you may be feeling.

Some people just choose to be ignorant... nothing any of us can do about that.

Alcohol is generally the answer, especially when the question was 'why can't I remember what the question was?'

up unnecessarily early with unnecessary thoughts

Throttle up through the curves

I wasn’t born just to porch sit, stare vacantly while thinking about the emptiness of my life, and to think there is nothing I can do to change myself or the world (flips through family album, or perhaps)

I'm giving up my will to live for lent

hr: you need to be more respectful to your colleagues me: who reported me — horse teeth or the mouth breather?

handing out beads today to everyone flashing me their wits

Every time I see a pig, I think "Potential Spam".

I do have abs. They're just introverts.

Raise your hand if you're exhausted

You whisper sweet nothings. I'll whisper sweet somethings.

if your sock seam is annoying your toes, you're gonna have a bad time

Monday Mood

2025 was proof time travel does not exist.

Just because I liked your reply, doesn't mean I like your reply. Or that I read it.

I guess I should do something.... *keeps scrolling*

accidentally murdered a tiny spider while scrubbing my shower today, and I don’t think that guilt is just going to go away overnight

This day in history. 1972. On the Mike Douglas Show John Lennon and Chuck Berry performed the song Memphis Tennessee while in the background Yoko Ono did impressions of screaming goats.

Just imagine a world where you can send tiny little tactical nuclear warheads soaring over the garden fence every time your neighbour's cat takes a crap in your begonias.

you may never understand why we must leave the quiet ones alone Until you become one #brokenpoet

Looks like I chose the wrong year to be in my soft era.

I need more time to do all the nothing I want.

learned the hard way not to hokey pokey anywhere

I watched a "curling" competition today. Hairstyles were eh.

The stupidity is coming from wihin the United States.

who up wondering where it all went wrong

wishful shrinking