A purgatory warehouse filled with all the unopened gifts life gave you that you thought weren’t for you.

Whenever I feel homesick I go into a dive bar.

If you ask me there’s no way Prince Charming would have tried quite so hard to find Cinders had she been wearing glass Crocs.

Like a slow moving disaster, I'll be there...eventually

Gonna go outside and see if the earth has something to say

comforting the insanity with screams

posting at midnight pacific (3am eastern) to maximize engagement with the most insane people on the internet

That's enough 2026 thanks

There are people that find forgotten money in their coat pockets. I just found a spork in mine

Sometimes I take my glasses off because life looks better that way.

I hate everything about this new normal.

That time of year when we welcome the new year… only to curse it in 6 months.

Always be true to yourself. Even if you prefer Cheeto dust over oysters.

Melancholy is preferable to anxiety, I suppose

new year, new me. im Batman now

Today I compiled and sent a looooong email that I've been putting off for a year so that's me done for 2026.

like a good neighbor stay over there

These old resolutions that I found in a dust covered box in the basement are still usable right?

It’s cute when men act heartbroken over losing someone they never actually valued

will 2026 be better than 2025? probably not but maybe so i guess that’s something.

I will lick this chocolate fondue off this plate with the confidence I’ll never need to attract another sexual partner.

I once killed a bear with a pizza wheel. 8 pieces, not the same size but not bad, as it was a bear.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the dog will bark like the Romans are back.

At some point today I have to do chores. I must be brave about this. They won’t hurt me. I approach slowly. Make no sudden movements. When they least expect it, they’ll get done.

[first date on beach in Oregon] So I heard you like long walks on the beach [weeks later on beach in California] Holy shit you weren’t kidding

When my grown-ass children ripped me away from Bluesky yesterday, insisting for some adulting, I was dragged to the living room to watch Die Hard, dine on nachos and Christmas cookies (iced molasses), and play Lie, Cheat and Steal (an old board/card game). *wipes tear* I raised them right.

every new day we die a little differently from the last.. #brokenpoet

social media is cool I guess but I kinda miss the hacky sack circle

The rain softly patters The wheels hum on the road These sounds paired with silence are ones that never grow old

Might go to therapy this year, might throw a tennis ball against a wall for a few months it’s a tossup really

tire pressure warning light came on in my car and my first thought was 'perfect, i wonder how much air costs these days'

Everybody's gangster until the end of It's a Wonderful Life

beautiful souls are shaped by ugly experiences

did a lot of cleaning yesterday and spending today admiring my work

Just like Vegas..what happened in 2025 stays in 2025.

oh hey panic what are you doing here my new years resolution was not to feel you anymore [panic sharpening a shiv] oh you poor stupid bitch

Too bad we can’t make New Year’s resolutions for other people.

built some lego cuteness🖤

(whisper singing to myself) I want my, I want my, I want my MTV. *sad trombone*

i leave booby traps for burglars like a sink full of dishes and a dirty cat box

Maybe you could try something different this year like being a decent human being

An empire built on the small victories of surviving to the end of the day.

They told me to "think outside the box." I did. Now I'm stranded out here, and the box had all the instructions for how to get back in.

Life's too short not to kiss people on the cheek. Just make sure you get consent for the one south of the equator.

There should be more tailgating in supermarket parking lots. I mean everything you need is right there