Thanks for the love, @lithiumsucks.bsky.social! Much needed boost today. ♥️

she's feelin punk🖤

workdays exist so that we may retaste the sweet nectar of resentment of time that is not our own which refuels our motivation for the weekend whereupon we will be too exhausted to enjoy it simply grateful for the respite until it begins again the wheel turns once more circle of life and so forth

My nickname in high school was the swollen pickle

Well, I sure as shit picked the wrong time to quit smoking.

Sanity status:

astronauts: *lost contact with earth for 40 minutes* me: jealous

I put the e in effort you're responsible for the effort.

You may say I’m a nihilist but I’m not the only one.

You know you have a nepo baby when the parents have their own blue links in the Wikipedia bio.

It’s important to have a backup personality.

Uno reverse psychology

I don’t hold grudges, I put them in a cute little heart shaped box by my bed

trying to fit the robot vacuum into my ear canal in hopes it can tidy up my brain

"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.

Think of a number between 1 and 19. It’s 11. If you got something else, you’re wrong.

I screamed into the void and the void told me to calm the fuck down.

The gap in my resume is when my brain and body were telling me that working is stupid.

walking with my hands behind my back so people think i am wise

sorry can't trying to but can't oh wait maybe nope won't

Gosh. Being American must be kinda embarrassing right now. *passes you chewing gum* Sorry about that.

Well, at least we'll have four people - including a woman - on the far side of the Moon as the fucking dipshit hits the Apocalypse button. Maybe they can start anew.

Don't feel bad, there are entire galaxies also spiraling out of control.

Hummingbirds are the drones of the bird world.

happy easter! 🐑 🩷

This day in history. 1879. Bolivia declared war on Chile so Chile declared war on Peru that's just how we do things in the western hemisphere.

i'm just here to plant flowers between your skeets and release clouds into your skyline

NAILED IT!

too ashamed to post my bunny cake

When you move the furniture to vacuum and the cats think you opened a portal to another universe 😂

I simply must learn how to not

I always make it fucking weird.

He has risen, yet he’s still not answering my texts

“Brunch” is Old White Lady for “Day Drinking”

I missed The Ten Commandments on ABC last night. I guess I’ll never know now

The unsettling intimacy of reading and being read.

I won't beg to differ. I just differ.

I just wanna lay in the back of a pickup truck in the middle of a field and stare at the stars

don't look at me while i spiral

If the level of my life fatigue would determine the size of my wealth, I'd be filthy rich.

Too late for a save. Too early for decay. Just right for a masterstroke.

I ain’t too proud to beg but I’m more fond of caterwauling.

i often wonder if people who tell you to “watch your tone” can fucking hear themselves

Holding an Easter egg hunt in a dog park turned out to be a bad idea in a surprising number of ways.

The government restricts ADHD meds because they’re afraid we’ll pay attention

I think my cat hates me because I won't give her wet treats every 5 mins.

If you catch me listening to “Kiss Off” by the Violent Femmes on repeat, mind your business

Everything I do is really a smile in disguise.

You continue to give me bread crumbs and I eat them all because, well you know, bread? *adds tiny cheese slices*