The dread that creeps in when you leave the house.

I was in an important meeting & we’ve come to a decision, my multiple personalities, the voices & I won’t be engaging in any public social activities for the foreseeable future.

Daylight saving is for people who actually enjoy being outside when it’s daylight.

sippin hot coffee outside in 60 degree temps, small joy unlocked

🖤

Mockingbirds as critics eating everything; macadamias, mealworms, thistle pulled from the pockets of a long lost bass solo, shelved by a producer whose brevity cut the tastiest licks 1971 never experienced. Each whistle a derogatory remark, mimicking l'esprit de la chose

More daylight, darker sunglasses.

give it up for the ladies planning their own celebration of themselves

BYOB..bring your own back scratcher.

The clocks that I didn’t manually change now have their own time zones.

A couple who hate the same things together stays together.

Me, joining yet another social media app: - Yes, hello. This is my 24th rodeo and I still don't know what's going on.

if this is a rodeo where are the horses

Phantom of the Opurra

Oven clock, we meet again.

I’m at the age where I look at old pictures of me to see if that mole always looked like this.

Smelling salt flavored lip balm.

for international women’s day i will be going insane

*picks up old bottle from ocean, reads message* Gas, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free

Morning.

You ever just sneezed and hurt your back? ...Yeah, me neither.

Came for the hors d'oeuvres, stayed for the chaise lounge.

today is a shut my office door and play landslide on repeat kinda day

📣📣📣

✨

terrorizing my mind with a positive thought

I know I'm old now because when someone asks how I'm doing I tell them the truth without mercy

I remember about 20 years ago, talking on the phone with my best friend for hours about nothing.... that sounds like a for real nightmare now.

wrapped in a lingering thought

I appreciate it when my team listens to me and plays better after I yell at the tv from my couch

Not now, I'm looking at puppies and kittens that I don't have time to adopt

Coffee so strong it rouses the dead.

Current view from my front porch. Sometimes life ain’t so bad.

I’m all cheese no cracker

Might do the pre-rain car wash dance just to make sure it storms here.

The older I get the more I appreciate Ben Kenobi.

Pushing in a pull door world

I have a sneaking suspicion all my sneaking suspicions are becoming full blown frothing verdicts.

I’d never want to put you into an awkward position is what someone says right before they put someone in an awkward position.

Imagine if we all went to an open therapy session together, I wouldn’t wanna leave, it’d be the best, scariest experience of my life.

whiskey, weed, wish you were here

wearing my prettiest dress to group therapy

Depression is my main squeeze, anxiety is my side piece.

My train of thought’s more like a hamster wheel.

A lot of people become online news reporters when the world is spiralling, I on the other hand am over here making memes. 🤣🤣

The bulk shopping members only warehouse runs out of samples Panic! At the Costco!

Male news anchor: On tonight's broadcast we'll cover BOFA Female anchor: BOFA? Male anchor: BOFA deez nuts in your mouth BOOM! Sports guy high fives him

Sorry to those that fucking thought by escaping to a new platform you could avoid my fuckery

To add a little whimsy to your day why not get a squeaky toy surgically implanted into your buttocks and just marvel at the endless hilarity that ensues every time you sit down?

Me pot o’ gold is a pile o’ shite -self deprechaun