Server: Is Knight Rider okay? 🏆👑Congratulations @ficklefilly.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

Ah shit are you my dad cause I always hoped it was the guy from Smash Mouth 🏆👑 Congratulations @mrsilkydmv.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't," is the secret to a long marriage.

I may not be likable but I’m also not wealthy too.

Fuck. I wish deep vein thrombosis was as hot as it sounded.

When you wonder why you can’t have nice things, know it’s because you forgot how to be one.

Use your @name in a skeet? That’s double fucking clout points, I think.

Depression is my main squeeze, anxiety is just my side piece.

Not to brag but if I wrote that Tubthumping song, it would’ve ended after that first line.

You’re not a piece of shit. You’re like, the entire shit.

I feel like being a malcontent but I want my belly scratched like a good boy. It’s complicated.

Named 'Best in Show' at the annual village Potluck & BDSM Fest.

Up close and personal with my own shortcomings.

Whenever I feel alone I try to remind myself that my parents are looking down on me with love and hoping that one day I’ll find happiness with a special someone, and that when I do I’ll finally let them out of the attic.

What?!? A 💩 post 🏆 from @jollyrobber.bsky.social?!?! His mom’s a real banger of a playlist. Thanks dude!

starting a new social media platform where i will be CEO but no one is allowed to talk shit about me or hurt my little feelings. just wanna get that out in the open from the get go.

enter sandman? i don't think so pal. there's not enough lube on the planet.

every day you people make me hornier for enabling "nobody" in my reply settings.

38 years ago Bono claimed he can't live with or without you, and yet...

i fell in love with the squirrel at the nut show

what if I just hole up in my home office all day sexting ppl? what then?

rebranding guys who wear baseball caps all day as skincare sun protection kings

Day 2 no penis explosion…I don’t know how much longer I can live without penis explosion

Keep trauma dumping Im close

My moods are down & up more than your mums knickers & that’s a lot.

I’d say call me but I haven’t spoke on the phone since early 2022.

I spill my insanity more than I ever spill the beans.

Ask your GP if bending over backwards for people is right for your mental health. Mine said it’s not.

dude!

It's not that I don't like people... Well, actually, that's it exactly. I don't like people

Their big joke back home is saying Hosewell instead of Roswell 🏆👑 Congratulations @crash-out-show.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

Server: would you like some freshly grated cheese? Me: yes! *opens mouth*

Inappropriate laughter is twice as medicinal.

Explain your username It’s my drag name given to me by my dear queen friends

If I say “huh?” like 3 times, I’m almost there.

Dude

Welcome to your 50's, here's a starter pack.

You've heard of cocaine bear and cocaine shark, let me introduce you to the most destructive monster yet, COCAINE GOVERNMENT!

If you ask me to mark your words you’re gonna get a big fat F from me my friend.

Paralysed with fear, my shame apparent, I gaze in horror as my wife discovers my secret stash of Barry Manilow DVDs.

Literally everyone misuses the word literally.

More blockers than followers, I must be doing something right.

Time flies when you throw a clock down the stairs.

When mom catches me swearing she washes my mouth out with cilantro.

Laying on the couch surfing the web for porn but it’s just me ordering cheesecake on DoorDash.

Once bitten, twice as likely to become a zombie.

Dedicating my life to fact checking the bible.

Never become so old in your soul that your heart forgets how to laugh.

Finger your girl on the tilt-a-whirl and let the ride do the work for you.