jazz is easy just call all your friends ‘cats’ and follow the melody

patiently waiting for a tech company to make “google but how it was in the 2010s” and cause silicon valley to implode

“gut health” “gut biome” “probiotic” we get it you like shittin’

beisbol

getting fucked up on gatorade and fighting squirrels

Gf: is that geese? You know I don’t like you listening to them Me: no I’m watching videos of a goat being killed don’t worry

i got a pocket got a pocket fulla mustard

craving a dang burger at 9:45am

are you gonna poop in the hotel bathroom like a sheep or are you gonna poop in the woods beyond a field like some other animal that’s supposed to be viewed in a more positive light

climbingn a pirate shjiop

the word “curmudgeon” evokes the mental image of a very angry man up to his mouth in mud, yelling obscenities but it all just kinda sounds like “lblububrbrbubrurb”

[Drunk text] What is teh name of Snoppis' yellow frind? The berd

makes sense that posting something opposing data centers gets you swarmed by bots with their “debate pervert” setting enabled

crab chips preworkout

meeting i don’t have to attend provided the good stuff :^)

if we all go into a moral panic over this, we can prevent a gas station from getting robbed by a creative tweaker

save water: burn down a data center

i was never in a frat, i’m just fluent in dibromacy

ditching my bike and swinging on the powerlines like a gibbon

i think it’s beautiful that my parents love Aaron Judge for completely different reasons

gunspinning for an audience but the damn thing keeps firing. not a single bullet hit me. if the judges were still with us i'd be going home with a trophy.

ripping down a desert road in a dodge dart swinger while downing a tallboy

this week is being very unkind to me

new Kia SUVs sound like the Ghost vehicles from Halo when they back up

i used to bhop to school. now i bhop to work

how dafuq does rat poop cause sexycartoonvirus

brandishing a mean changeup grip with a stress ball

your diy punk-looking poster won’t fool me, white reggae band!

they put on Crab Rave at the Os game last night and for a brief moment my terminally online ass thought It Finally Happened

my attitude is awful

Someday I’ll go out for a bike ride and you’ll never hear from me again

the most millennial song sucks ass

Fragrant reminder that I have a new EP out. Get it on Bandcamp or stream it everywhere except Spotify! generaltrust.bandcamp.com/album/plans-2

when my buddy hands me his vape while we’re jamming

crazy how this day in 1977 never actually happened

"...in an interview before his death" i mean yeah if it was after his death i feel like more people would be talking about it

curing our guitarist’s cat allergy so we can have rehearsal at my place with easy parking and a/c instead of crunching into a hot apartment in one of the most congested parts of the city

RICHARD DAWKINS, 2006: "god isn't real. if you believe in one, you're literally delusional" RICHARD DAWKINS, 2026: "just talked to a chatbot for 3 days straight. i;m gonan fuck this computer"

just saw Aaron Rodericks trying to shove a stray cat into an ATM

old time modal tunes for leg day

cool as fuck arroz con leche

this cinco de mayo, i’m choosing kindness

it’s my first time on this pinball machine. one bonus ball.. two, three, four… five balls in play “i’ve never seen so many balls!” an onlooker exclaims. “pfft, i’m sure *he* has” scoffs my arch-nemesis. the pinball machine zaps him for his rude comment, killing him instantly. six balls in play

there are several bluegrass bars in Tokyo so if you ever get news that i’ve died don’t be too sure

“i can’t believe you’ve never travelled outside of the country!” bruh i can’t believe you’ve never been to the park that’s 10 minutes from the house you’ve lived in for over a decade

MLB has enough money where they could at least promise us one game a day to throw on during work hours

y’ever see a couple walking a dog and know for a fact that thing is gonna lose its shit during every encounter with another person?