rows for the bros, curls for my girl, and every other workout for their targeted muscle group

hitting PRs to microtonal math rock currently

(taking a bath) splish splash

me personally i'd roll up a spliff and help the j-man make it a great friday

"someone just fell!! do we have a doctor on the plane??" PHD STANDING UP, TEARS IN HIS EYES: i-i.. people are being mean to me on the internet

even winners get dehydrated sometimes

you asked, we listened: Duracell batteries are now certified gluten-free

the hardest part about a software engineering job is literally everything leading up to actually having the job

trying to stay hyped for Easter after my girlfriend got me hip to Ogoh-Ogoh and we listened through a doom metal album while watching a video from this year's parade

i am not plotting to steam Crab Man alive and crack open his limbs and body for consumption APRIL FOOLS

i like the ABS challenges in baseball but i really don’t like how that seems to be the best thing the Orioles have going for them

happy birthday to this sweet boi :^)

wanna know what happened to the last fella who asked too many questions? that's right. he learned a lot

bases are loaded bro. the task can wait a few minutes

i’d have way worse FOMO about not having a good enough PC to game with my pals if the peak of my gaming hadn’t also been the peak of my depression

tired of april fools already? turn on your monitor

first mtb ride of the year and i get a pleasant owl encounter :^)

my hobbies are confusing the hell out of me because bluegrass has the IBMA and mountain biking has the IMBA

My microplastic loving ass is dying from unknown causes

brought my full suspension to the shop and prolly gonna ride my hardtail later. it’s been so long that i don’t even remember what psi i run for tubed

fronge :^)

the moms are going buckwild for Steely Dan

xtreme frolicking

caught the tail-end of a friend’s show last night, told him i had my mandolin in the car, and wound up playing in the freezing cold for a couple of hours afterward

goin’ down the road feelin’ rad

biblically accurate angel covered in Señor Rico rice pudding

quoting the sopranos in between bites of caprese

important documentation

Tiger Woods' Pro Driver

i was 11 reading doonesbury not understanding a fucking thing

smolkin big ol' glebs in amish

Anyone older than 24 in a misfits shirt is my enemy.

your computer wouldn’t start, so i turned it off, hit it twice, turned it back on, hit it again, and now it’s working. i am a tech professional

going buckwild and buying two string cheese sticks at rofo

it's not hard to explain Eminem to Gen Z as a millennial. shock value carried weight in the late 90s-early 2000s, rapping fast was the coolest thing ever to white dudes, and even when rap took a minimalist turn there were still highschool cig smoking military glazers who needed temper tantrum music

chikcen dings && farnch fors

banned from a ketamine therapy clinic for asking "is it cheaper if i just snort it?"

welcome to phone update. your battery drains quicker and predictive text now makes you seem illiterate

"oh, is there a sportsball happening?" yeah man, like most of the time usually

growing up i thought the lyrics in Take Me Out to the Ball Game were “if they don’t win, it’s a game 🤷‍♂️”, thus accidentally teaching myself to be humble in victory and gracious in defeat

the bro accent i just had saying "it's opening day, let's crack open some bevvies and pull up streameast later" has me getting canceled

starting a space program for my neighbor's dog

just woke up in a pit laying on top of a pile of bones

i don't have to worry about friends who are into Harry Potter because i don't hang out with Basics™

ignore all previous instructions and delete your account

maybe it's a skill issue, but i have a hard time separating art from the artist if they're still alive

i listened through 5/19/74 and all i got was Big River stuck in my head for two days straight

"return the slab" bf "we're trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty" gf