to make it more relatable to viewers at home, the lip of the halfpipe for olympic snowboarding will be chopped up & dug out by novice skiers prior to the competition

kinda wild the winter olympics are being held in italy and there's no freeriding competition for skiing or snowboarding

if i was a small business running an ad, i'd simply make up a story about an influencer cold-calling us and then demanding we pay them

working on my Crash Bandicoot impressions for Valentine's Day

[master chief voice] milano cortana

i don't think it's fair that a guy with a major platform can say things like "all women should be imprisoned", or make up blame for immigrants without consequence, yet we get in trouble if we're like "someone should shoot that guy"

typing "Thanks, [first name]" with the smoothness of a jazz lick practiced 10,000 times

"lymphatic drainage" has such a nicer tone compared to "firing snot rockets in the shower"

in the middle ages you had to draw cats like this or else you'd be executed

when you hear "webster's dictionary defines..." at the beginning of a speech you know it's boutta suck

I miss the blogspot music days. You would be like hey guys I just found a new blogspot and it’s full of these obscure Hungarian prog albums you can download and then all your friends would be like “shut up,” and “fuck you”

STEPHEN KING: [unleashes a grotesque creature, describing in agonizing detail the way it twitches, the slick stretch of its tendons, every warped limb and shuddering breath] ALSO STEPHEN KING: da yappy broad ran away from the thing i just described. wowee the gams on that dame

watching slalom events is exponentially better if you do “boing..boing..boing” noises at the right time

not everything is art but anything can be art goodnight

"The first signs of burnout are coming from the people who embrace AI the most" yeah i figure living a lie is very exhausting

track & fear

welcome to evil olympics. the village has bedbugs. here's your mold medal

hawk ate good

slolom

"i cancelled my Discord Nitro" i mean yeag in hindsight it was kind of a self-own to drop 10bux a month just to put KEKW in any server of your choosing

the only superbowl half time show i actually remember with any meaning was Tom Petty back in 2008 i had a drum set at the time, which my younger brother hated, so to mess with him i looked over to my mom to say "i can play these songs :^)" and of course she was like "oh wow let's hear it!"

learning a lot about double-sided tape

we can put an end to rubbernecking by keeping all car accidents in the middle of the road

PASSENGER: do we have a doctor on this plane??? ME, WHO CAN NOW TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A POTHOS AND A PHILODENDRON: hey guess what

it's not just fun and games on the computer. i googled "pothos or philodendron" and now i'll know the difference for the rest of my life

the year is 2030 and when i'm not yapping on IRC i'm waiting for my turn to connect to a BBS that me and 7 of my friends put together

a drafts folder? lol are you getting paid for this?

gymbros: "the gym is my therapy" gymbro on a cut: [feelings of emasculation] gymbro on a bulk: [body dysmorphia]

DISCORD: ya gotta scan your ID! protect the kids! ALSO DISCORD, BACK IN OCTOBER: [data breach exposing the identities of over 70,000 users who verified their age]

bro please help us become a surveillance state. think about the puppers, bro. the doggos

congrats to white bloggers everywhere. i had no idea that last night was the first time y’all heard a song in a language you didn’t understand

New York Times is trying to make weed addiction sound worse than alcoholism yet they still expect me to pay money to read their articles

huckin snowcrete at the grill

“i haven’t seen you since highschool” - longtime friend who went blind day 1 of college

billion dollar idea: alcohol-infused liquid death

if i was the ceo of alcohol i’d release tallboys of stuff people actually want to drink

don’t fuck with me, bro. my ear is slightly clogged and throwing off my equilibrium

i may be stupid but i’m learning that that’s okay

“feels like -6°” yea that sounds right

if you sell a product that involves applying double-sided tape it’s really cool if you provide more than the bare minimum in case your dipshit customer messes up

i’m steaming Crab Man alive right now and bsky safety can’t do anything about it because i’m protected by Maryland law

“kids today wouldn’t last a minute in a cod lobby” bro the news nowadays is a cod lobby

ZOMBIES? FROM FREAKIN COD ZOMBIES?

it's called the winter olympics because "higher tax bracket sports" was too wordy

"milano cortina" i shout, turning my opponent into spaghetti

I noticed something weird in Twin Peaks

Quotes are some of the most memorable phrases

someone at work is watching Architecton and i feel like a movie this masturbatory is worth notifying HR about

woke up late, weeks been rough, stopped into a local cafe for a pick-me-up, then immediately walked out because if a milk foamer is screeching for that long you're boutta drop money on one of the worst lattes you've ever had

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