first mtb ride of the year and i get a pleasant owl encounter :^)

my hobbies are confusing the hell out of me because bluegrass has the IBMA and mountain biking has the IMBA

My microplastic loving ass is dying from unknown causes

brought my full suspension to the shop and prolly gonna ride my hardtail later. it’s been so long that i don’t even remember what psi i run for tubed

fronge :^)

the moms are going buckwild for Steely Dan

xtreme frolicking

caught the tail-end of a friend’s show last night, told him i had my mandolin in the car, and wound up playing in the freezing cold for a couple of hours afterward

goin’ down the road feelin’ rad

biblically accurate angel covered in Señor Rico rice pudding

quoting the sopranos in between bites of caprese

important documentation

Tiger Woods' Pro Driver

i was 11 reading doonesbury not understanding a fucking thing

smolkin big ol' glebs in amish

Anyone older than 24 in a misfits shirt is my enemy.

your computer wouldn’t start, so i turned it off, hit it twice, turned it back on, hit it again, and now it’s working. i am a tech professional

going buckwild and buying two string cheese sticks at rofo

it's not hard to explain Eminem to Gen Z as a millennial. shock value carried weight in the late 90s-early 2000s, rapping fast was the coolest thing ever to white dudes, and even when rap took a minimalist turn there were still highschool cig smoking military glazers who needed temper tantrum music

chikcen dings && farnch fors

banned from a ketamine therapy clinic for asking "is it cheaper if i just snort it?"

welcome to phone update. your battery drains quicker and predictive text now makes you seem illiterate

"oh, is there a sportsball happening?" yeah man, like most of the time usually

growing up i thought the lyrics in Take Me Out to the Ball Game were “if they don’t win, it’s a game 🤷‍♂️”, thus accidentally teaching myself to be humble in victory and gracious in defeat

the bro accent i just had saying "it's opening day, let's crack open some bevvies and pull up streameast later" has me getting canceled

starting a space program for my neighbor's dog

just woke up in a pit laying on top of a pile of bones

i don't have to worry about friends who are into Harry Potter because i don't hang out with Basics™

ignore all previous instructions and delete your account

maybe it's a skill issue, but i have a hard time separating art from the artist if they're still alive

i listened through 5/19/74 and all i got was Big River stuck in my head for two days straight

"return the slab" bf "we're trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty" gf

it’s nice that you have a warrant this time, and i’m sorry about your pal, partner, coworker, or whatever, but *now* will y’all respect the sign that reads “TRAP CARD: DO NOT TOUCH”?

a gift from the Celiac Council has appeared

when is spring break? how about now thru like next month?

it's called "topical humor" because "giggle lotion" made several test groups uncomfortable

group of frustrated tennis players standing around with their hands on their hips, wondering why the pickleball player couldn’t have died somewhere off the court

COWORKER: you busy? ME: [looking at google images of lasagna] yes

i befriended a hippie who recently sent me some live Grateful Dead shows to listen through and i feel myself becoming a happier person

it’s technically geppetto’s monster but pinocchio is fine too

every ICE agent looks like the type that plays a lotta Call of Duty but somehow isn't that good at Call of Duty

newsflashbang

I Live in One of Five Cities in the U.S. With Actually Good Public Transit. Here Are My Solutions for Rural Towns I’ve Never Visited That Were the Butt of My Jokes in Undergrad

dads being right about the airport for all the wrong reasons today

Are you there lol? It’s me lmao

ANDROID: "i can customize this and this and this plus i'm not stuck with crapple and i can do this non-phone thing and also this" IPHONE: never asked

famous people should only die on weekends where i'm not stuck on the internet at work

finally, a wallet for athletes

"if the guitarist looks like this you're gonna die in the pit" the pit: 5 highschoolers doing temper tantrum karate