Adults really like to just stop learning. Like they refuse to allow any more knowledge to enter their mind. Like the common sense was weened out of them over a period of time.

We really need RuPaul reading these Olympic Team outfits...

porsche guevara

Well,I'm not young and hot anymore, but I stomped the rest of the office in rock n roll trivia. What can I say, I was with the band. 😉

Una Sealy - Floored

Every week I go to the grocery store, buy the biggest lobster in the tank, drive it to the ocean and set it free.

Every day, in every way, I’m AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

Consciousness is a miracle. It allows us to ponder love, art, the meaning of existence… It’s beautiful. —and also to think “I bet I could fit that entire muffin in my mouth.”

My old neighborhood was scary. To outsiders

Goooood morning, Bluesky! Today's episode is brought to you by Crayola, maker of the finest crayons and occasional snack, apparently.

i wish people realized that cars now come with turn signals

I only answer work emails when I'm on the toilet. Boundaries.

Tossing one’s cookies should be a Winter Olympic event.

“you smell so good” thanks. we should kiss now

donde esta la biblioteca, bitch

As I get older, I find myself ranting to no one in particular much like Ben Gardner.

Taking three burritos to work and singing "in a bag of burritos, baby" to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida all morning

One would think being “in arrears” would be a pleasant thing. One would be wrong

🎯

I was going to write a lengthier reply, but I'm a woman's man. No time to talk.

My hair has progressed into 1977 Barry Gibb territory you can tell by the way I use my walk

Me and Harry Dean Stanton figuring things out around the blue fire of pressure-treated wood in a galvy burn barrel

NYT editorial: "I was falling behind on my avocado toast payments, and needed cash fast"

just trying to do my wordle till my kid comes in, works on it for me, claims she helped, and then punches me in the crotch and runs away.

*a gentle breeze carries a napkin with unintelligible scribbles on it out a bus window* “MY OEUVRE!” I cry.

When your car eats tide pods 🏆👑 Congratulations @fakesportsceleb.bsky.social from @gypsymoon1969.bsky.social

nobody counts sheep anymore. which makes them very easy to steal

we all try our best. except for whoever raised you obviously

I wish I could say what I really mean without getting an involuntary posting vacation.

Body: You should go to sleep Mind: I haven't recataloged every single thought from today yet! Spirit: Thank God for THC DOG: You should pet me more

I'm trying to focus on enjoying the simpler things in life, like a quiet evening to myself, a delicious home cooked meal, the inevitability of the sweet release of death.

He’s mentioned in the files more than Harry Potter in Harry Potter.

I'm sorry I cannot support your self-destructive lifestyle. I have a self-destructive lifestyle of my own to support...

Good morning friends 🌹 and happy #PhilPhriday Have an exceptionally groovy day ✌️💜🎶 #KindnessAlways x Scarlett Begonias > FOTM 🎶 Terrapin Family Band ❤️⚡💙 featuring: Marcus King Ivan Neville Chris Spies youtu.be/9cNEMoDrJwY?...

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m getting out of bed.

I enjoy solitude and being alone..if I had a dating bio.

Me: *reaches character limit when typing a reply* Also me: *deletes reply and responds with emojis*

When i’m in the car wash and its covered in that neon-lit foam I’m always afraid some alien lizard will land on the windshield, break through and impale my intestines out with some alien mandible on a gross protruding tail as my car rolls out and hits a bus full of tourists heading to Niagara Falls

Some people have a trick knee; I can tell the storm’s a comin’ cause I feel it in my batwings

them: whats your fave music genre? me: yes.

The average adult will look at their phone 150 times each day. Amateurs.

ME: Why did they call it a clip-on ponytail and not a phoneytail lol WIFE: Omg why would anyone want that? ME: *tucking my phoneytail down the back of my shirt* no idea Sharon

I now walk from room to room like a sherpa carrying glasses, book, a water bottle and phone.

do you want to come over and scream at the sky together

Australia is just one big joke isn’t it. And yes I’m watching #OutbackTruckers

#LadiesThursday #MusicChallenge Jann Arden - The Sound Of youtu.be/UMtoVWGS0kA

they could have saved time by calling them eelectric

You’re in his DMs. I’m calculating the jump coordinates to get as far away from him as possible. We are not the same.