I wish for a good death. An honorable death. Preferably cheese-related.

Walk aside the true folk, and let the traitors stay.

My favorite part of tonight’s State of the Union Address was when Patrick tried to take David on a hike and hilarity ensued

Nice slacks Team USA why not just go full polo shirts and tiki torches

In the BlueSky olden days we’d gather ‘round the wireless to listen to the President’s State of the Union Address, poised to take a sip of cognac every time he said “henceforth” or used a Shakespeare quote. Needless to say we quickly became quite tipsy and our shitpost responses sublime

Happy happy birthday to the unmistakably awesome @augustreverie.bsky.social ! 🎉🍾🎂

some of you have never met a hockey player and it shows

Most people are only one peek inside a male locker room away from never watching sports again

if you use a teaspoon to stir coffee it is technically a coffeespoon why has no one said this

RIP good dude Robert Carradine but I still think the hidden camera scene in Revenge of the Nerds is responsible for at least half of our current techbros

Hot sopranos in your aria

But yet an union in partition

Couples crafting workshop: I Just Dyed In Your Arms

I just went dark mode and now I'm being chased by goth kids.

Bro have you ever even been undressed by kings and seen some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see bro

No thanks. If I wanted to hear an old man lie to me about how great of a job he’s doing, I’d go to church

what didn’t kill me made me wish it f*cking had

Grok which Confederate general can I still name my schnoodle

Knowing what you know now would you ever get on a see-saw with another human being

You can’t stop my 5 am shitposting nonsense, you can only hope to contain it* *you can’t do that either

Hips don’t lie but at my age I’m only looking for them to exaggerate

Here in the Midwest I’m digging out too but it’s from under my crushing disappointments not snow

Face reveal — wrong answers only

If I say fine, cry “Fine!

The thing no one tells you about vandalizing ambulances is how you feel kind of bad after.

ME: time to sleep BRAIN: why are there flies

We walked along a stream up to a waterfall You said “let’s take a selfie” I said “no” We did, we slipped, and now we’re soaking, clothes and all…

Congrats to Skeletor for not being in the Epstein files

The snow never stops falling on the American empire.

Dylan Larkin Detroit Red Wings 8-year contract thru 2030 $69,600,000 total value (Source: Sportrac sport stats, partnered with USA Today) Beers with Kash, priceless

If you’re puzzled by the USA Hockey team’s locker room bro-fest with that MAGA FBI freak just check out how many zeroes they have in their NHL contracts

brother, if you were “good at posting”, you could do it here. you could do it anywhere. bluesky is weak? you’re weak. your posts are shit. you’re shit. hit da bricks pal

O that I were a mockery king of snow

is it a toilet, it’s a toilet isn’t it

what happens if you have diarrhea on the space station

Quick someone call 911 I’ve got the Blossom theme song stuck in my head again

Kash could’ve rounded up a drunken Jacuzzi full of dudes in that locker room, himself included, who know plenty of people on the Epstein list

1. Green grapes 2. Red grapes 3. Fermented grapes wait reverse this list

Reply guy just blocked me for replying to his reply to my protein on salad nonsense and man I don’t miss the 4th grade

caffeine is not enough today, I need to chew on a power line

Might get some real work done today might binge-watch Bob Ross painting videos decisions decisions anybody know if PBS online is free

I always blush when the waitress asks if I want to add some protein to my salad

People probably thought the first guy to wear shoes was crazy "oh look at Jim shoving his feet in the assholes of a couple dead raccoons he's so crazy" but they were wrong

So do the Olympic athletes just work at Spirit Halloween for the next 4 years

Wait a sec this Monday has a hole in it I’m sending this Temu garbage back

Share a tv show that raised you

My life coach encouraged me to be less risk averse. Jump and a net will appear. I didn't find this encouraging at all. The only Annette I know hates me.

Ok how about we trade our president to Italy for its national anthem

I am not accepting factual comments on my joke post at this time. Please don't try again later.

(Somalian pirate playing chess) I’m the king now