Lawnmowers and fledgling robin.

Drop some catnip #WhenWatchingTheFireworks

#WhenWatchingTheFireworks Don't get too close

Sorry I thought your toupée was a tarantula. I learned that from the Three Stooges

oozing charm and whimsy in a corner chair at the airport

Forest friend.

Drove past a field of corn that was barely ankle high. Knee high by the fourth of July my eye!

I am a talented photographer

Ooh child Things are gonna get stupider Ooh child Things'll get dumber

Babybackrooms

bog hag turned me into a hot dog when i wished her a happy #SausageSqualorSaturday this morning

Is wobbly pop still on the table?

Anyone calling any drink a bevie gets a slap.

Today has an intermission and it's just everyone staring at their phones and skeeting about hot dog flatulence

By the power vested in Grayskull, I pronounce your former gophers to be loafers.

i got distracted and my coffee went cold but i drank it anyway and it tasted like sadness a memoir

Another Masters of the Universe film announced.

George Washington would slap that hot dog out of your hand if he saw the slightest bit of ketchup

this is a skeet about being ernest

I can't be the only one who always thought the founding fathers looked like a group of assholes sitting there in their powdered wigs

WHAT WAS IT MADE OUT OF BEFORE!?

If you’re being held against your will, blink twice.

once again time for the annual tradition of exploding a firecracker in my ass

Clearly I have a drinking problem because I have no alcohol.

This is now a foodie account. Follow me for more healthy recipes.

Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face-off in the corner.

I don't know how anything works anymore.

Jasper Johns. Bandera. 1954-5

Sphincter? She's never even BEEN to Egypt!

Watching the Patriots play in London. Everyone in the stands is from a Charlotte Brontë novel. Jane is shotgunning a Coors Light while Rochester is trying his first hot dog. Bertha just took her clothes off and ran onto the field.

Look outside

“Hey Vern… where the heck am I?”

Ernest Does Droitwich

Ernest in the Backrooms

Ah shoot, I forgot to leave a hot dog out for Captain America last night, and he didn't leave me any fireworks.

1/2 Former Home Building Association Company bank Architect: Louis Sullivan, 1914 Newark, Ohio

My last thought as my brain melts on the sidewalk is of Martha and Linda screaming the 'yeah yeah, yeah yeah!' part of Heatwave at each other.

*points to everybody & everything* "You're doing it wrong".

I don't think I'll ever hear this one at Cracker Barrel. youtu.be/7CSSCntVzfo?...

Ernest Gets Updog

#AmericanMusicInASongOrMovie No country and western for old men

#AmericanMusicinaSongorMovie Papa's Got a Brand New Flag 🇺🇲

Happy whatever from your favorite patriotic lampshade 💋

That song got stuck in my head every time I had to use the emulsion lol 🎶screeeeeennnn emuuulllssiiiooonnnnn🎶

A HAIKU Dancing noodle man Empty head, heart full of joy Tell me your secret

I’ll be celebrating properly today by reciting Quint’s USS Indianapolis monologue for the neighborhood children

How I imagine my hair in the morning vs reality.