Mario? The plumber?!

VHS stands for very happy sock

There is a parallel universe where everything is exactly the same, except wrestling referees have to count to 4

When I get to heaven one of the first things I'm gonna do is give a thankful smooch to whoever invented soy sauce

I have a $25 Xbox gift card, what game should I get?

Is love a finite resource?

At a concert when the performer says "make some noise!" most people go "woo!" or "yeah!" but you can make any noise you want. They didn't specify.

MAKE MORE MUPPET SHOW YOU COWARDS!!

He really does make a bad bunny. Ears are way too short, to start with.

I wrote you a haiku

Is the #VHS rewound or not rewound?! Let's find out!

I'm on the Skylight gimmick, cause why not skylight.social/profile/did:...

Lets make some tiny spin art!

let’s talk about MANIAC COP with @sockcop.rocks join us in attic for another episode of ControlAltDeath twitch.tv/benmonstertv

Forecasters say the storm will dump heavy snow, sleet and freezing rain from the Southern Rockies into New England through Monday. n.pr/4jTOoMu

Holy cow 40-year-old ghost Benny Goodman is still dropping new music

Planning a special stream this Friday! Sock Cop is taking the day off and the Useless Assistant (me) is taking over! Gonna make a grilled cheese sandwich LIVE!!!

When my wife asks why I just took $60 out of the ATM:

Here's me and living legend Uncle Henry outside of our movie premiere today! Two of the Deep South's greatest mustaches in one pic!

Final Fantasy VII (1997)

At the Pearly Gates: "I'm sorry, we can't let you in. You stated on multiple occasions that Limp Bizkit made better music than Beethoven" "Well, you're wrong and I don't want to party with you anyways, nerds."

My name is Sock Cop and I care what you think

Suggested additional verse to @sockcop.rocks Animal of the Day song by Jeve Stones: Does it sting Or does it bite? If provoked Do you think It might?

Too righteous for words to describe... @sockcop.rocks music.apple.com/us/album/soc...

Howdy!

I thought 6 was afraid of 7

GUESS WHO GOT A WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE CAR? WE DID! Thank you to everyone who donated / spread the word about our GFM. We couldn't have done with without you! We'd still like to reach our goal to cover the legal costs re: guardianship, so plz keep sharing! TYVM!!! www.gofundme.com/f/help-us-ta...

The Sock Cop Animal of the Day album hits all streaming services this Monday! Eight banging tracks including TWO never before heard versions

Image from: Geddython V: III May the Fourth Be With Us - # 268

It's Gilligan's island, we're all just living in it

It would be better if I had some imaginary butter, wait, there we go.

Imagine a biscuit. Boom, now you're thinking about a biscuit. You're welcome

We know there is a lot going on right now so we really mean it when we say we appreciate your love and support!! Even if you are merely sharing this link! Thank you!!

How come nobody told me Don Rickles shows up in The Addams Family?!

TOILET SCIENCE!! 🚽 🪠 🧪

Everything I know about true love I learned from Corn Dogs.

@sockcop.rocks "Don't be Geschwindigkeitsüberschreitungen"

🎶Ho-ho-ho I'm hu-hu-hungry🎶

🎶The best part of waking up Is coffee in your @sockcop.rocks cuuuup!

It seems like everyone says Gorilla Glue instead of Super Glue now. Maybe because Gorilla is a funnier word than Super? Maybe to honor Harambe? Don't know why, just something I've noticed.

The person who invented the video game joystick has disappeared, they down right up and left.

Day One of not being visited by the ghost of Ozzy Osbourne. I'm sure he's quite busy.

I have a new feature in my email gimmick. Horoscopes! Or, Sockstrology if you will. What does the future hold for you according to a sock? Find out! sockcop.substack.com/p/what-does-...

“Hey, you got a Reuben, on friggin white bread? Put your hands where I can see them.”

I'm on one of these! Lots of others are better than mine too!

Lularoe, Lululemon, labubu. I don't know what any of these things are. I'm a lululoser.

I don't say "I'm going to bed" I say "I'm going back to bed" cause this ain't my first rodeo

This Tuesday's newsletter features talk of Heathcliff. open.substack.com/pub/sockcop/...

About to go LIVE with TheRustyPandaa! www.twitch.tv/therustypandaa