Lil Marco like

nice

Giving my daughter in a text about a personality offing himself with an R Budd Dwyer reference and her dying laughing immediately to the reference informs me I’ve done okay

The english corn laws of 1846 yo

Hear me out: a Ring camera that leverages AI and only films when your Mon is doing front yard porn. (4x per week)

Tina Weymouth and Grandmaster Flash by Laura Levine 1981 🖤

Sneaking off to St Louis for a couple days for a job I need, ( better pay) but more importantly a job I want. I’d dominate it. Just need to make them know I’m The Guy. (I’m the only one for this position, so not much competition) fingers crossed, people.

(guy about to invent a new principle) whaddya mean peter got the promotion

Bartender, bottle of vodka, any brand, and an in-home caregiver or two, please.

This is all just a distraction from me not being able to get this 100 day sales plan to read coherently

Arizona State's Jordyn Tyson nearly breaks NFL Draft Combine record, Max Iheanachor flashes speed #sundevils #arizonastate https://www.rfr.bz/b658b5f

(twentieth pilot enters cockpit) ok certainly that's the last one

The Prague Astronomical Clock has been in the Old Town Square for over 600 years since it was built in 1410 🌟

Him: “You said you had a yellow lab. Yours is a chocolate. Me: He’s a coward.

What if we kissed at the Jai alai fronton?

ASU beats Loyola 69-5 today. Well done.

So I guess when they planned this the U.S. DoD was like “we’ll get the military sites.” And Israel said “We’ll get the schools”

Board of Peace off to a rocky start

the fifa peace prize used to mean something

I slept in today. What’s going on, gang? Looking forward to a slow news weekend

Just got done doing curls with my wife. (She weighs 70 pounds)

couple on tandem bike = 2 dui’s

Just realized my limited Instagram usage has resulted in a feed that shows me rugby, white racists getting knocked out, and recipes. It’s perfect.

Tonight I said fuck Nazis and fuck anyone that voted Republican after 1982 and the room of people went silent. That was funny as fuck. I stand by it. It wasn’t that loud. I said it to like four people but it must have carried

Bacharach, now Sedaka. Who’s next goddamnit. Put the top down this weekend and blast some sick pop hits

My 23 is dating a Navy Seal, as was the last guy she dated. She doesn’t like the military much so they aren’t “a type.” The reason is they are leftists, and regular civilians her age aren’t. THE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN.

I could go on and on about how I used to paint the lines on football fields, but I dye grass

I put the franchise tag on your mom…

This is good, right?

Bartender, a Harvey Wallbanger and the crab rangoon, please.

A solid gold 20 foot D. Boon statue playing “Bob Dylan Wrote Propaganda Songs,” in this economy?

I heard two mockingbirds today after a year off from them for some reason. *immediately begins writing bird insults. Now is my time to shine

Does Lee Harvey Oswald Mosley complete the horseshoe?

I’m not saying I’m depressed, but I’m listening to the Smiths as a pick me up.

This machine creates fascists sticker on a phone

Yesterday it was snowballs, today I threw a baby bear at an officer in the park.

Just listening to espn radio and the host agreed the army navy football game should be the only game that day and instead of changing the channel I drove directly into a concrete wall at 80 mph

First protein cigarette will go hard

www.futura-sciences.com/en/when-amer... #Astronomy

You had me at chorizo grilled cheese

Them: But are you diversified? Me: Yes, I have shit AND Shinola.

do you think John Wilkes Booth said “call it in the air” right before he pulled the trigger

Is that child rapist still yammering. I wonder how many kids he trafficked today

Maybe America shouldn’t run on Dunkin

lol guy in front of me at DMV starts losing his mind on the worker and I yell “Hey! There’s a zero percent chance this woman crafted a single policy you’re crying about. Go sit down and wait.” Little fella did and I just got like five fist bumps and a thank you from the lady. Be nicer. Even at DMV

Sorry I hit you in the face with the shovel but you said you were into looksmaxxing

I feel like the economy would improve and women might get some rights back and we’d stop the summary executions if we just put the Pac12 back together. Probably not but I think it’s worth trying

Sorry I frame mogged your pity party. I was despairmaxxing