I’m getting my first tattoo and I am BEYOND excited

The two best days of a tattoo.. 1. The day you get it 2. The day you go from Aquaphor to lotion

you can devil my eggs

col mustard, in the observatory, with kindness

women covered in tattoos >>>

I've already called the Butterball Hotline and reported you.

Don’t know what to get me for Christmas? I’m a size 3-4 hour session at the tattoo shop.

There is a chicken Hawk in my woodshed, looking for mice and chipmunks, I assume. Absolute chaos outside- blue jays are screaming, squirrels chattering. Eh, they gotta eat too

What a girl wants, what a girl needs 🧡

it’s never too late to start having weird and evil sex

If you aren't the most experienced cooking a turkey or have any anxiety, buy an oven bag. Cooks near twice as fast and juicy every time. A meat thermometer in the thickest part is the easiest way to a perfect bird. Pull it from the oven at 160⁰ and rest it for 30 minutes.

husband is having a few friends over for his birthday party today so i made two dozen cookies, pecan spice cakesicles and cakepops, a flan, and an apple cinnamon cheesecake. you know, just a few snackie snacks for my hungry guys.

Miss Piggy has yet to marry because her fella has kermitment issues.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

There’s low-key a rebellious vibe to being a dreamer. Like, the world is on fire and you still choose imagination.

Earth is just a tiny speck and we are all its speckletts. Specklers. Speckoramas.

Revolutionary idea for a new podcast: instead of talking with guests, I'll play popular music for a few hours each afternoon at a given time, breaking occasionally to provide traffic and weather updates.

Laying on the couch with a dog curled up between your legs with its chin on your leg… one of the best things in life

You want some cheese? *me flirting

Before the invention of trains, people used to have to run wagons on your mom…

Sometimes you just have to say fuck it, and do what what makes you smile.

MY 12 year old little brother just showed me a song he made 🥹 It was really ass but I’m so proud of him for wanting to learn to produce 💕💕

The way I was so invested in this thread. Did he get his radish? DID HE GET HIS RADISH???!!

If you’re transgender you have to live

men with tattoos are godly… fuckkkk

I promise you I'm weirder than you think I am.

Not to sound fast or anything.. I’d share my Aquaphor with you..

Inside me, there are 2 Border Collies… not wolves

Antifreeze is just Gatorade for cars.

Imagine forever being known as a soulless lying couch fucking meat suit

It’s too early in the morning to be up and getting ready to go make y’all coffee…

This could be us, but you playin’…

coheed and cambria will never not slap

Just so we’re clear, swastikas and nooses are not “potentially divisive.” They’re hate symbols. We’ve literally fought wars over this.

Honestly.. If I could have a chicken bucket light fixture, I probably would…

Need more tattoos

Embarrassing day for the Coast Guard and our nation.

We don’t use the phrase ‘kiss my grits’ like we used to anymore and it shows.

whoops, almost walked around raw dogging the sound of nature *inserts earbuds*

This country is cooked… I thought it could be saved, but nope

How blighted does a strip mall need to be to lose Big Lots.

We’ve reached the point where it’s ok to have a swastika if you’re in the Coast Guard…

Always remember, you can just say nothing and keep scrolling

At the tattoo shop.. “You’re the girl that got the corn dog.. can I see” *displays art* “Dude, that’s fuckin’ sick” 🤣😂

Today has been weird for me.. nothing specific is wrong, but I’ve been weepy all day.. so, this is my shirt for the rest of the day..

Powdered sugar from a beignet.. glitter… same thing…

The Bare Necissities still slaps.

Don't leave words unsaid, tell all the ones who need to hear, "go fuck yourself."

Sorry guys I’ve just been kind of blah lately.

People that let you be exactly who you are.. 💗