San Ramon is poppin' this morning...

Just over here looking at earthquakes and making my pancake flowers. #scientistmomlife

The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at

Sorry about my bad mood. It's my genetic default.

Time is bendy. Bend back.

My neighbor already has their xmas tree up and lights outside... freakin sickos

A cookie kabob sounds like too much work.

My pinkie finger is asleep. Guess I won't be having tea tonight.

adorable?

I love cleaning the house because I put music on and have turned it into some kind of add/ocd/disassociation sandbox for my brain. See you when I finish world!

I’d like to flirt with you but I’m already in my jammies

Me, flirting

Sort of like a swinger's club but for crying.

Minimalism is full of empty promises.

I need coffee so strong and so hot it kills me instantly.

New uncanny valley unlocked: inflatable corn maze for urban fall fests.

Disappointment isn't fatal, just feels that way sometimes.

Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mean streets

INVENTOR OF THE LIBRARY: hey check this out

I'm not so inclined to sit up straight

Hah, I love this show😂

Here...this is for you.

A different kind of sunset view

Imagine becoming a better person. Now imagine space unicorns! Imaginations are sweet as hell

I’m not a huge fan of pokémon or anything but yeah I would eat a pikachu

bro this little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine bro

I need some Young Ones...

Does anyone know what the man from Nantucket does

87 percent of cooking is cleaning

Do you remember this show??? www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7rF...

I lost the method to my madness.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

my other afternoon parrot much more amenable to a quick portrait

guinea pigs make some cute ass cartoon noises

nearly everything i do is against my will these days

not a first responder, not a second responder, but a secret third responder

i don’t trust most of you to sit in the emergency exit row

Iambic is easily in my top 5, maybe top 10 favorite pentameters

My backup plan is muttering “fuck this” and walking away

Cute. Real cute. Thuper cute.

If you don’t like and reskeet this skeet, insomnia will adhere your eyelids to your forehead with gorilla glue

Bank CSR: Your call may be recorded for quality assurance and customer service training. Me: Let me know when all the trainees are in the room. If I’m doing this shit for free I’m only doing it once.

Im hyped up on sugar..outta my way bro.

Let your no’s be no’s and your yes’s be probably nots

If I "fyi" you, the 'y' is unnecessary...the information is for you.

When I was a boy we had to invent snow before we could walk ten miles through it to get to school.

I kiss my biceps after each skeet