me: can I ask a rhetorical question? her: sure me: well apparently not

cancel the fucking times seriously

there was a time I thought I was being called to the priesthood, but it was a clerical error

completely empty locker room except for the guy immediately to my left and the guy two lockers to my right so we all shared a shower and a qtip

ah okay so just a child rapist then

terabyte means “monster bite” but that’s more information than you need

oh shit guys I think the president might not be a very good person

fukn biden man

cancel the times ffs

why is everyone so surprised when the people with fuck you money say fuck you to the rest of us? I mean it’s right there in the name

me: I can control marine birds with my mind her: please don’t— me: pelicanesis her: I’m sleeping with your brother

epstein’s riddle: is it good or bad when a terrible person thinks you’re the worst person

almost like none of this was ever about merit

if you’re in line to cancel the times, stay in line

these are “progressive” are you fucking kidding me is this a joke

i can never quite tell when they’re ripe

the lady that filled the bird feeder was two hours late and chester was starting to get pissed

and by “ultimately” you mean “immediately”?

insurance co: well, you drive a hard bargain, but okay we’ll cover your pre-existing conditions and drugs and mental healthcare and all for … $397, was it?

neither did whatever the fuck this is

well they sent kim davis home, so I guess not EVERYTHING is terrible

cancel the times early and often

That lamp looks PISSED.

csncel the times (again)

Not now, carnivorous death ball

but your honor it was SPICY mustard

Most potential pet owners consider things like breeding, size, coat, intelligence, trainability, and temperament. Often overlooked is the crucially important element of aerodynamics, which can greatly affect your gas mileage, raising the overall cost of ownership significantly.

that’s 177 billion dollars. and at this rate it’s off by a factor of 10 at least

the agreement not to feed them?

cancel the times (just saying this everywhere now)

cancel the times

trump: …and that’s #31 where’s my prize

also cancel the times. they can “just ask questions,” and you can “just not listen”

it’s down 900%

[second hand store] me: do you have any minute hands?

I mean it can’t be him, inflation is down jobs are up violence is down all the wars are over the economy is booming drug prices are down 137,000% energy is free brown people are not eating dogs canada and greenland and venezuela are begging to become us states

gotta hand it to cuomo — some of us never get to lose an election even once

Sure, the Democrats Won All the Elections, But Is that Really Good for Them? by Ezra Klein

It’s his day.

“You’re going to ruin your eyes, Arthur.”

*being shot in the face* this is an enormous expansion of power

ME: What’s the first rule of bite club? DRACULA: Is it biting? ME: That’s right, Dracula, it’s biting. RATTLESNAKE: [quietly to himself] I was gonna say biting.

there are no longer anybody that’s here

in case it ever comes up, an angry lapdog glancing at a chinese mountain is a piqued peke peeking at a peking peak

lol. do people understand this is purely symbolic? nice that 5 people found a spine, I guess, but it won’t even get to a vote in the house, and would obviously be vetoed instantly if it did somehow get past both houses

these people mostly care about their 2.1 children

he called his dad's cousin a WHAT

possible fact: in a recent study, 87% of participants were unable to distinguish a portfolio of ai-generated parodies of the government from its own marketing material

“democrats are terrorists, and we are in an armed conflict with terrorists, so”

after 35 years or so, I cancelled the times. this is propaganda nit news