Honestly starting to think all bald men are evil.

eating mashed potatoes with butter, heavy cream, fresh mozzarella, olive oil and balsamic vinegar because I've been lifting (the weight of my mother's expectations)

I got a new port that rules (for those that didn't know, my last one I had a severe reaction to last year), then IVIG and Rituxan, then a serious lung infection I'm still recovering from and so while I do miss being here and laughing with y'all, laughing hurts like hell ATM because of coughing fits🧵

Quote posts are disabled but congratulations @midnightviolets.bsky.social if @sonictyrant.bsky.social likes your post this much then you're fam 🏆👑

it’s hard being this hot and smart in the morning

I’d look so good on top of you btw

dear music, thank you

I was an open book, but you were illiterate.

truth can hurt but i’ll pick it every time

We’re a collision of stars wearing skin. The world calls it love, but it’s more - a reckoning

You’re like moonlight on water-there, but never held.

My bank flagged my debit card for fraud because I spent $46 at the liquor store. Like omg assholes, sometimes I’m fun.

may we kiss for hours…

his shirt, no panties

what doesn’t kill you, texts you 6 months later

*enters an MMA tournament listing my primary discipline as feng shui*

As long as I’m feeling, I’m creating.

anyone want to be friends with drawbacks

mouth to ear intelligent, and erotic conversations…

my kind of freak, someone who makes me laugh out of nowhere

What anybody thinks of me is none of my business.

If you think my posts are bad, you should see some of my life choices.

Missionary so you can see their lovely eyes roll back.

There's a tiny little kid running about and literally screaming at the top of its lungs and I just think it's bullshit that we're not allowed to kick them

I'm here to remind you that there are a lot of wonderful things outside. What if you went on a quest to find out what makes them happy? I'm on drugs.

If you listen carefully, you can hear hindsight laughing at you.

Sorry I let you down, but it’s my specialty.

I scream, you scream, we all scream cuz it’s all fucked. So very, very fucked.

I just walked up to a guy at work and said, “Hey Glen?” and he said, “It’s Glenn,” and I have no idea how he knows I missed the second, silent N.

You don’t have to understand the wiring to feel the current.

I like being a hidden gem.

Small circle, private life, clear mind, happy soul.

logging onto bsky dot app ama

“i’ll do whatever i want with MY butthole” is a crazy response to someone asking you not to fart on them

THEM: this isn’t the America I know NATIVE AMERICANS:

“time isn’t even real” i say as i decide to stop for a morning coffee and make myself late to work for the 5th time this week

Arlo is now the best dog ever and the best pillow ever. What a gift! Thank you to @benedictsred.bsky.social for all the thoughtfulness and support during difficult times. 🩷

Pretty eyes and a naughty mind.

The way we looked at each other was foreplay.

I will handle every situation but I may cry first.

Interviewer: great resumé apart from the typo. It says you have exceptional people skulls lol Me: *holding up two skulls by the eye sockets* meet Richard & Clive

sorry i yelled "goth ninjas" when we saw those nuns yesterday

taught my dog sarcasm and now she won't stop snarking at strangers

they say pride comes before a fall but a punch to the nards works just as well