Giant bag of candy: I'm resealable. Me: That won't be necessary.

Your anxiety is a lying little hoe

Society: Be yourself. Society: ..... Not like that.

Happy new year everyone! ✨️

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Time for bed. But first let me figure everything out.

I paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Sorry I can't go tonight. I'm at home sitting down.

Me: but the voices just don't stop Therapist: those are people. They're allowed to talk.

Time to stop being a dysfunctional dumpster lama. ..... just kidding. That's no fun.

Merry Christmas everyone. Stay weird & wonderful. 🎄

Stop avoiding your banking app. Look at what you've done.

Do ya'll think snails are born knowing they can go up a wall, or do they just do it one day and go yooooooooo

Opens pill bottle Opens water bottle Pours some water into my hand Wait.. that's.. no

My preferred brand of sunscreen is my house.

Doing stuff is so hard. Shoutout to everyone who's been doing stuff.

"You going to cry about it or boss up?" "First of all, I will do both."

I heard you like bad girls... *winks, with both eyes.*

Why can't we just spell it brockly

"Your password is weak." "Well so am I Janet, please let me keep this one."

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Body: I need water. And food. Me: Coffee it is.

Did you know your earlobes are the same distance apart as your nipples? Goodnight.

I have seen enough. *unfocuses my eyes*

I was going to take over the world this morning. But then i overslept.

Don't touch these. They're my emotional support chrome tabs. Yes, all 27 of them.

I didn't spiral today... I swirled gently.

Ok that's enough. Someone put a blanket over my cage.

I love how coffee tricks you into believing you're in a good mood for like 34 minutes

Them: what's your gym goal? Me: going.

Them: Delete the "lol" from the end of your sentence and just say what you need to say. Me: No lol

I regret to inform you that we should once again decide what to make for dinner tonight.

Done with adulting. I want to be a croissant in Paris

Watch the reels I sent you.

Just paid rent. Now i have a place to starve in.

Them: "always stay positive." Me: *Falls down the stairs* Me: "wow I got downstairs so fast!"

*me to myself* Is she bothering you?

Do beavers know what they're doing or just see water going down a river and go, "absolutely not"

Just gave your address to a mosquito

Poke your finger in someone's mouth when they're yawning to establish dominance

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread, and put it back in the bag.

Me: "I'm still young, I can do this." My body: "The fuck you are."

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look what you've done.

Cows are very calm considering the whole floor is food

*Me stumbling out of bed:* "Deloris, hold all my calls for today." Deloris, a house plant:

Time for bed. But first let me figure everything out

The audacity

Sorry I can't go out tonight. I'm at home sitting down.

Your anxiety is a lying little hoe

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.