Thoughtbarf
@thoughtbarf.bsky.social
📤 2449
📥 1911
📝 3308
Stop by for some absurdity, stay for the laughs.
Date a girl that's cute but can destroy a whole pizza by herself
about 4 hours ago
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Robber: "Everybody lie down!" Me: [exhuasted] yeeessssssss
about 9 hours ago
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No offense but why would you decide to go big if the other option is to go home
about 12 hours ago
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I don't know about ya'll but i don't have another password left in me.
about 14 hours ago
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Them "How do you say, I miss you, without sounding desperate?" Me "I miss you if you want"
2 days ago
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I swear to god if my car needs gas one more fucking time
4 days ago
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Dogs lick because they know we have bones inside and they want them.
4 days ago
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Today I'm going to give it my almost.
4 days ago
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I know my passport sitting in my drawer is confused af. Don't worry little one, soon soon.
4 days ago
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Let's call it a week guys, we did our best.
4 days ago
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Due to not wanting to, I will not. Thanks.
4 days ago
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I heard a kid say, "I'm going to have my brain taken out just so I can relax." And I felt that.
4 days ago
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My stomach hurts. I wonder which one of my 70 unhealthy habits is causing it this time.
4 days ago
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Grocery list: 1. Don't run into anyone I know 2. Eggs
4 days ago
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"Are we still going?" - my attempt to cancel plans.
4 days ago
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We should have stopped somewhere between discovering fire and filing taxes. We did too much.
6 days ago
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Sorry I snapped at you. My clothes felt weird. The temperature was too loud. My hair was touching me.
8 days ago
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At this age, missing trash day feels like a personal failure you'll think about all week
8 days ago
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Me when feeling suspiciously relaxed: What responsibility am I forgetting...
9 days ago
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Being a functional adult every day seems a bit excessive
9 days ago
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Ok. It's time for a reality check. *checks reality* Holy shit. Do not recommend.
10 days ago
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I told my boss i was going to the bathroom, didn't tell him which one, now I'm at home
10 days ago
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Home is where those fuckers aren't
10 days ago
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Babe, you hardly touched my last nerve... are you okay?
10 days ago
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Me: but i want it Ambulance driver [passing dairy queen] I said no.
12 days ago
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Ya'll ever think about the coffee you're going to have the next morning and get all excited? Or am I just weird?
14 days ago
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I am not hard to find. I'm at home. I have been home. I will continue to be at home.
16 days ago
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I can easily get my life together I just need to make 40 or 50 lists first
16 days ago
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Ariel's first mistake was wanting to be where the people are
17 days ago
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The fact that I rejected napping as a child makes me sick
17 days ago
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Not to brag or anything but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it
18 days ago
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Respectfully, I don't think cooking together is romantic. Please move tf out of my way
19 days ago
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Who knew that one of life's greatest joys would be having clean sheets on the bed in adulthood?
19 days ago
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I have cleaned the house. The house is now read-only. Please do not edit the house.
20 days ago
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t.me/EverythingNo...
loading . . .
Everything, Nothing & More
Curious about me?
https://t.me/EverythingNothingAndMore
23 days ago
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What are you doing with your life? Me: it's a surprise.
23 days ago
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Let's call it a week, guys. We did our best.
24 days ago
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LIMITED TIME ACCESS to my nsfw channel
t.me/+2PVeT6djXt8...
loading . . .
Teaser Channel
Thirsty?
https://t.me/+2PVeT6djXt80Y2M0
24 days ago
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Everybody clap. My laundry chair is now just a chair.
25 days ago
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Everyone quit your job and meet me in the park
about 1 month ago
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No motivational quote today. Bite them if you need to.
about 1 month ago
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"Why are you up so late" I have to help batman.
about 1 month ago
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Coffee has water in it. Follow me for more health and wellness tips.
about 1 month ago
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If you think you can win me over by bringing me a sweet treat, you're right.
about 1 month ago
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"You look happier" "Thanks, I'm evil again."
about 1 month ago
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about 1 month ago
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I just need to like sit by the ocean and disassociate for five days
about 1 month ago
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"You should get out more" No thanks, I've seen enough
about 1 month ago
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Do you also close one eye when you take a sip of piping hot coffee or are you normal?
about 1 month ago
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And for the lady, perhaps a fcking break?
about 1 month ago
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