PUTTING MY HALLOWEEN SHEETS ON THE BEDDDD

Feeling out loud so everyone can hear

my finger guns are rusty

I’m here to wax your Bermuda triangle.

Execution by electric bass guitar. They make you play that funky music till you die.

Love is the only thing that will save us.

Lil Dicky if Pillow Talking was about Bluesky: I just downloaded Bluesky but it's being so glitchy

Let he who is without self awareness cast the first stone

i know a place (it's just my arms around you)

Get in, loser. I love you

Keep making noise.

Brain frog.

You can't shut down my swagger

we have elsewhere seen

A platform burdened with original sin.

jiminy's animal reviews: The thick-billed Murre (𝘜𝘳𝘪𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘮𝘷𝘪𝘢) is a sea bird found in the Arctic waters of the Northern Hemisphere. They can be up to 48cm (19in) long and weigh 1.4kg (3lbs), making them the largest member of the auk family. Their vocalizations are known to be very auk word. 🧵

Me timbers? Shiver them.

The world might be in peril but I just saw my ass in the mirror and it's fantastic

Raise a little hell, or so they say

It all comes around, eventually.

*throws glitter into the waffle batter and runs away

Got tear away pants for this colonoscopy prep.

scarecrows fix holes in their clothes with pumpkin patches

what the hell is going on people are starting to follow me again I thought I put a stop to that

Don’t forget the silly.

hey baby, you make me want to turn off replies and quote posts on everything I write here

I bet squirrels would fucking love cargo pants. All those pockets

Sigh…

I hope the Red Sox make the Yankees eat dirt tonight

Sorry I'm late, I was watching the Tigers kick the Guardians ass

I’d share my favorite album with you

who up thinking [redacted]

They’re saying my bootie too juiced

Many say they want the hooba, and then complain about the stank.

Not all demons have horns, some have nice tits

Bad news guys, I woke up as a weirdo again. Probably means I slept weird, too

I don't skeet. I have vowel movements.

Retail therapy is great and all, but buying concert tickets is where it's at

When bluesky dies the true shitposters will simply return to the forest and whisper their thoughts at wildlife

So stressed out. This world and I are not compatible. Error 404.

thirsty thursday except it's just me blowing on my coffee bc it's too hot to drink

Today needs more coffee, I know that much

my brain is an unsaved word doc

this is now a desserts appreciation account in other words, we’re checking out cake

Trying to be hip and modern by shortening morning to morn, good morn

giving myself permission to rest is harder than i would have thought

Someone come take my phone away before I purchase more concert tickets

made a lofi track of the werewolves howling all nite

It's gotten to the point you can't discuss current real events that just happened without sounding nuts.

I woke up this morning knowing I will not be defeated. This is actually really funny, but it only works if you know what I'm up against. I'm still gonna win