Musty Dish Sponge, a new fragrance by Tom Ford.

Bluesky is becoming the Twitter of Bluesky

i regret that i have but one life to give for my generationally wealthy oligarchs

You’re very pretty, do you mind if I made up one of my many mannequins to look like you?

If there was an award for most number of open packages of salami at a time I'd be the champ

Omg yes YESSSS hahaha Heavy rain has started here! Redneck Christmas may be ruined!!

Great moments in U.S. History.

If you're setting off fireworks like a goddamn hillbilly in town my dog and I hope you blow your useless fuckin dick off

"America 250" what is that, the weather report?

250 years ago today, Jesus gave birth to a pile of guns

The worst people on photography subreddits, in between jacking off to their own replies: but what are you trying to SAY in your photos

quitting while im really far behind

Hot Dog Water La Croix

Saw a Reels or Tiktok or whatever of some 20 year old talking about how unhealthy hotdogs ACTUALLY are like it's some big secret conspiracy he alone just uncovered

Hot dog flavoured chicken breast, for when you wanna be healthy, but still kinda wanna feel gross.

Way to make my post about clown porn weird, guys

Die Hard is a Christmas hot dog sandwich, dipshit

Bank: what are your financial needs? Me: some finances would be nice

Kotaku keeps finding new ways to be stupid.

Just a couple of bros eating a hot dog Lady and the Tramp style, nbd.

Prepping for the end times by going on an all-Costco hot dog diet.

Happy white guy in pickup truck day

July 4th is like fat white guy in wraparound sunglasses Christmas

Sometimes I wish I was an NPC villager in like an Elder Scrolls game Just going from my produce stand to the tavern to my home, occasionally giving adventurers the latest rumors from around Bravil or whatever

Found a used Minolta 28mm prime for my old Sony a-350 for basically nothing and it still takes great shots!

[walking up to a stranger in a restaurant] you look just like my dead friend

[momentarily forgetting the word "crust"] what kind of...pizza handle...do you want

Me: Can someone take a look at this rash? The other people at the bus stop:

please doctor, my sauce. it’s very weak

"I bet you could husk some corn" isn't the panty dropper you'd think it'd be

IT'S WHAT'S ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS? I AM FULL OF BOG WATER AND BEES, RANDY.

[On a date] ...just CONSTANT diarrhea

I know it's been a minute, but could everyone please help me find my remote?

inflating my vocal sac to impress a beautiful woman

I unblocked you, but I’m still blocked, please respond

We have whimsy at home

A vocal jazz ensemble started forming in my yard, so I told them to scat.

For your 4th of July playlist

I didn’t know my dad, so I always hold a flashlight just off to the side of whatever I’m looking at

My work forgot to invite me to an off-site retreat but they sure never forget about me when they have some damn project that's fucked up and needs to be fixed

No you don't understand we NEED those data centers and so Michelle can use AI to make little Pixar style cartoon images of herself for her PowerPoints

It's cool how tipping used to be a little extra thank you for for the good service and now it's just to ensure companies don't have to pay their workers a fair wage

Me: you're so beautiful and cute My dog: I rolled around in an animal corpse that was rotting in the 100 degree sun today

The vehicle market in America is so stupid Imagine paying almost $100,000 for a vehicle and it's a Chevy

When you first chew gum, it’s a stick. When you’re done chewing, it’s sticky.

“Intelligent design”? How absurd. Just look at this hangnail.

[me, a sleeper agent] why do you keep waking me up

Didn't take any photos this weekend that I'm wild about. This one I do like even if it came out kinda mushy

You talk pretty tough for a guy who drives a Honda CRV

as a reward for my decision to try to be good and forego a midnight snack earlier, my body has gifted me intense heartburn