Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
📤 24689
📥 6148
📝 6479
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pe5k4d63mfrmqkc5xxfoolkt/feed/aaalzjcmwys7u
pinned post!
Found a faded five dollar bill in the pocket of my jeans so yes I'm guilty of money laundering.
7 months ago
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Miss Riss
1 day ago
Maybe we should give strange women lying in ponds distributing swords a go as a system of government. How bad could it be, honestly
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BEAVE
about 6 hours ago
The universe gave me a high libido and then made compatibility rarer than a decent parking spot at Costco.
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SpatialKimtamine
about 6 hours ago
June is almost over and I'm not done complaining about men and how gay I wanna be
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Pot Shop Boy
about 6 hours ago
Gonna put a post in my drafts for 4 years from now. Let's see if I make it here that long.
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Amy
about 23 hours ago
i promise i keep trying to write jokes it’s just i’ve been happy for four days in a row
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Braden Serkas
9 days ago
When I switched email providers, a few people asked, “what if someone needs to get in touch with you and they only have your old email?” My brother in Christ if an email account I created 20 years ago is your only method of reaching me I promise you it is because I never want to hear from you again
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WittySassBasket
5 days ago
I don't care for a flaccid grape.
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DaddyJew
7 days ago
i bet a pufferfish could take a pretty big bong rip
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Dammit Erin
7 days ago
Unfortunately this is my face whenever a man is nice to me
loading . . .
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Dammit Erin
5 days ago
I heard if I get a PhD, they’ll give me a sword, and I can’t think of a better way to communicate that I’m smart and lethal.
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[Sic] Burns
3 days ago
Seems like yesterday I’d sleep so late on Sundays I’d miss the first half of afternoon football games now here I am at 8 am on the patio squealing well looky here it’s a tufted titmouse
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Paul
3 days ago
Why do they say your foot is falling asleep when coma toes is sitting right there?
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Deeks 🫶
2 days ago
Does that chip on your shoulder come with guac?
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anton lestrange
2 days ago
sometimes I see people doing shit wrong. and then I move on and don't say a word cause I know they'll eventually figure it out. like I did
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Salty MacTavish
4 days ago
It was funny, but in a public television kind of way
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Jenny Doesn’t Know
1 day ago
In the time of cheddar cheese I was havarti
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Juiceticles
7 days ago
Avoiding getting thrown under the bus by never getting up
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debbshock
1 day ago
life, liberty and the pursuit of somebody to have sex with
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Marl
6 months ago
"I don't know what's happening here" Me, while: -watching sports -parallel parking -trying something new in bed
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geist
about 20 hours ago
I bet bed and breakfast joints that are way out in the quiet middle of nowhere could completely clean up over the July 4th holiday by catering to those of us who don’t care for the flash boom bang festivities. Even more so if they’re pet friendly.
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Phantom Limb
about 16 hours ago
My skeets are desperate attempts to make sense of a simple senselessnes turned madness, written with care, marinated with doubt and imposter syndrome, but shared as if part of a Burtonesque Thanksgiving feast starring and scored by Danny Elfman.
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Bart
1 day ago
“Reflecting Pool Vandal” would be a great band name
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Bart
5 days ago
“You won’t believe how much asparagus I just ate!” I sexted
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
1 day ago
While in the military, T-Rex specialized in small arms fire.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
about 23 hours ago
This day in history. 2014. Asteroid Day was organized to promote efforts to protect the Earth from cataclysmic impacts. Founders Stephen Hawking, Danica Remy, Rusty Skweickart, Grigorij Richters, and Brian May had all had the same dream about the giant head of Freddie Mercury hurtling toward Luton.
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boss: is that a flask? me: I'm on a hydration break.
about 9 hours ago
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Did you order this matcha with extra dirt?
about 9 hours ago
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It seems you either grow old gracefully or look as if you're having a severe reaction to a bee sting
about 9 hours ago
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
about 20 hours ago
Me: Can someone take a look at this rash? The other people at the bus stop:
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Lizzy
about 17 hours ago
time for my favorite game: are they spider bites, poison ivy or an allergic reaction
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SaltyGirl
about 15 hours ago
Maybe if they started calling it blood no-pressure, people would be a lot healthier
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Jack
22 days ago
For every 100 salads I eat for lunch I get to have 1 dose of heroin.
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mean things I say to myself
about 17 hours ago
If Representative Kean can take four paid months off of work in Congress to work on his mental health while receiving top-quality inpatient care, why is every single American not entitled to free healthcare?
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Salty MacTavish
2 days ago
I like to yell MACBETH in the late innings of a no-hitter just to mix things up
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bacon popsicle 🍑
about 19 hours ago
Me: *doing my kegels* Proctologist: I won’t ask again, please stop doing that
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Struggalo
about 11 hours ago
Woodstock, NY June 30, 2026.
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
2 days ago
“Intelligent design”? How absurd. Just look at this hangnail.
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Splendid Hobo
1 day ago
It’s not kinky until a netti pot’s involved
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BooBooKitty
1 day ago
What if Rio didn’t like to dance. What then?
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Cosmic Clau
1 day ago
she died as she lived flipping the bird and clutching a fistful of cheese
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Twin Dad
about 19 hours ago
I’m a pretty chill neighbor but I get an intense thrill out of reporting the walking twat dryer with a trump flag and BDENRG license plates for having his boat parked on the street too long.
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Marc
about 19 hours ago
I'm pretty weird, so I think I know what I'm talking about if I say you're weird.
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Braden Serkas
about 9 hours ago
Me: I’m tired My brain: turn on the tv Me: but I need sleep My brain: go pay some bills Me: I’m so exhausted My brain: oRgAnIzE yOuR sPiCes
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Kat Alderson 🙃
5 days ago
Home, fed, and using a stylus to "draft" shitposts in the dust on my end table.
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Jo
3 months ago
You use too many words. Calm down.
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Bang Bang (artist formerly known as VicViolence)
1 day ago
Refused to hear= original verdict stands.
add a skeleton here at some point
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Bang Bang (artist formerly known as VicViolence)
2 days ago
A beautiful tribute to the man of the century, a Mel Brooks
#snakeeyes
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WineMummy
about 11 hours ago
This is your reminder to keep your butthole hydrated.
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Forrest Plump
about 16 hours ago
What base is it when they ask you for your closest airport?
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Forrest Plump
about 13 hours ago
Corey Feldman looks like he’s about to say he doesn’t care if my friends and I drink, as long as we do it at the house
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