I have nothing in common with people who wear pants on the weekend.

I have nothing in common with people who wear pants on the weekend.

It should be illegal to wear pants on the weekend.

There’s a stain on my pants. Thought of you.

Is that morning wood in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Is that morning wood in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

You had me at morning wood.

You had me at morning wood.

sorry for the things I said when I had morning wood

This is your reminder to keep your butthole hydrated.

Sorry my butthole is hotter than yours.

Monday coming in hot like my butthole.

It should be illegal to get out of bed on Tuesday.

I was trying to squeeze a lot of life into the last twelve hours but I sat down for a minute and forgot all about it.

Father Figure is my favourite song about your dad.

Sorry I’m late, I was busy giving your dad his Father’s Day gift.

With a hot butthole comes great responsibility.

With a hot butthole comes great responsibility.

Thursday coming in hot like my butthole.

You’re going to see so much butthole this week.

Sorry I’m late, I was tanning my butthole.

It’s a beautiful day to tan your butthole.

What a nice day outside. *punches in on time card*

Your dad’s favourite boob avi.

With a great boob avi comes great responsibility.

it’s almost that time of year when I switch to my boobs avi

Bacon, egg and cheese is my holy trinity.

I’m in my breakfast sandwich era.

have you tried eating a sandwich about it?

Forget roses, lay me down inside a dumpster.

Forget roses, lay me down inside a dumpster.

Meet me behind a dumpster and chill?

Meet me behind a dumpster and chill?

honestly there’s nothing fancy about meeting me anywhere

Not to brag but I don’t give a shit who likes my posts.

My favourite thing about this website is that no one gives a shit about what I say, which is how it should be.

What’s a little teabagging between friends?

What’s a little teabagging between friends?

let me teabag you with some knowledge

Sorry I told you to shut the fuck up but it will happen again.

May the shut the fuck up be with you.

May the shut the fuck up be with you.

I’m not easy like Sunday morning. I’m stay in bed on Sunday morning.

Alexa, play thank fuck it’s the weekend.

Alexa, play thank fuck it’s the weekend.

I’m not easy like Sunday morning. I’m stay in bed on Sunday morning.

The Girl With Another Tattoo.

Sorry I’m late, I was busy getting a tattoo.

Some fettuccine alfredo will fix me.

Some fettuccine alfredo will fix me.