Maybe don’t put it on the door if you don’t have any for me. FALSE ADVERTISING.

Does anyone else get confused which tab you’re on, I just engaged with several non mutuals on accident

Snitches get stitches, Your Honor

not to brag but my kisses just healed a boo-boo

ask your doctor if an alt could be right for you

My birthstone is found inside your bellybutton

Some are born great, some achieve greatness . . . some of us post shit on social media.

Starting my New Year's Eve countdown now. Best to be prepared. 392,258 392,257 392,256 ...

Tried to donate myself to the body farm but as it turns out, you have to be dead first

Those that should feel shame rarely do and those that shouldn’t are often made to Never be ashamed of the person you truly are

are you more pie than person rn that’s okay this week isn’t even real

Peekaboo, but it's just me deleting a skeet immediately after I post it

Caution: room is rapidly filling with ramen

First date idea: we get into a knife fight

ME: *hits the road* fuck you road

were the good old days all that good or just like everything else in the past they just weren’t this

is it put one foot in front of the other, it’s put one foot in front of the other isn’t it

I have no idea what day it is, I just know I don’t need to be awake right now.

I don’t go to church and God and I are both aware of why.

Be proud of your short, stout, teapotty self

Healing is great and all, but have you tried disassociating?

People's alarms should just be the sound of a dog puking

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's amphetamine

Well I made it through the year, I suppose I’ll push myself through another one.

I don't give a fuck if nobody likes my posts, good fucking chance I didn't fucking like it when it was just a fuckin' crazy thought rolling around in my fucking cranium

calligraphy is great, if you want to write a strongly-worded letter to Thomas Jefferson.

I was sure Mensa would have solved all our problems by now.

I smoke weed on my porch to let the other weeds know what I’m capable of

The fucking exceptional singularity that is you

Face down ass up, but It's just me as the wheelbarrel in this field day race

Sleeping in a crop top in summer ...

pls don’t ask me to remove my antlers they’re medicinal

neither hoes nor meme nor skeet nor goon of night stays these posters from the swift completion of their appointed rounds

I love that on weekends, the six of us keep shit going.

I like to end unwanted conversations by asking if they farted.

Who said Crocs aren’t sexy?

Imagine hating me and I'm just over here wondering if I should make cheesecake tomorrow

We need more posts about reading books, holding hands, and worshipping the dark lord.

*slowly running my long, slender fingers over their rock hard body* i hope this turkey thaws in time for new year’s day

Ben is back

How I’m showing up yo the Bluesky Xmas party

do you read funny pet skeets to your pets or are you an animal

If you are here looking for love, that’s called “groomscrolling”

i enjoy things that aren’t this

To everyone that is still here, seeing my posts, interacting and laughing with me, thank you. It was a tough year for me and that is putting it mildly. Many chose to blackball me and it’s ok. What they think of me is none of my business. But we go on and it’s a new year. Let’s try to keep laughing❤️

the last saturday of the year is good for resting. made a thing.

way to capture the zeitgeist, kohl’s

me: you said expect 8” but i only see 2 my date, a weatherman:😬

is it considered a polycule if the girl you’re dating is haunted?

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: no, why? did you forget?