“Now you see it, now you don’t.” - my posts

Imagine if we were a society that celebrated the unique expression of self, the fight that made that happen and the freedom to live an authentic life without fear?

I walked into my therapist's office. I was wearing my "What would Mr. Rogers do?" t-shirt. Her: (smiling) "What *would* Mr. Rogers do?" Me: "Your mom."

I like to play a little game I call, is it beets or am I dying

“Don't stop believin, Hold on to that fee-lay-ah-aye-ah-en.”

I'm sorry I can't be him. 😕

“Moist” That is all.

Can I interest you in a moist owlette as a timeline cleanse? This is Sassafras the Eastern Screech Owl from the Cincinnati Zoo (@cincinnatizoo.bsky.social, but via their FB) and I love him very much. Eastern Screech Owls (Megascops asio) are native to eastern North America.

There are several things I need to do today, which is funny to me because no.

I don’t ever want to know what you look like naked.

in case you needed another reason to vote, kid rock said if the dems take over the government again he will cease to make music. GO TO THE POLLS

a penis is kind of like if your body had its own muppet

I will not be performing at Freedom 250.

Can I summon it!? Will repeatedly posting help? If nothing, it’s a good song to listen to. 🤷‍♂️

this war could’ve been an email

I once complimented someone by saying their crotch looked “confident.”

So many languages just sound angry. You know, like English for example.

“Don't stop believin, Hold on to that fee-lay-ah-aye-ah-en.”

America doesn't run on Dunkin, it runs on mass psychosis.

We go together like sugar and gas tanks

Itsa me, itsa Maury-o

You 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 to like this post; it's opposite day.

I’m not touching you (tauntingly) -me to grass

The cool thing about making Venezuela the 51st state is that all those people we deported will become citizens.

Meh.

Some might say I’m too honest

I don’t like to be the 1037th person to like a post, so if one is doing well, I send an edible arrangement. It’s just me in pants, but whatever

when I figure out how to vibe with the trees better it’s over for you bitches

The only acceptable ballmaxxing

So I have good news and bad news guys: the good news is I’m done with work for the week. The bad news is that this bar does not take Kohl’s cash.

Wake me when it's time for Consequence Culture

Thinking about you. (jorking it)

Instead, he met some Marion County deputies www.wftv.com/news/local/f...

ME: no one ever listens to me THERAPIST: you too

I find it odd that everyone around me is getting older and yet here I am, in complete denial

Hello 9-1-1? Yeah, so my cat won’t keep his bow tie on.

Poet: I would cross oceans, climb mountains, and endure the deepest darkest valley for you. *hears you eating cereal in the morning Poet: I’m out.

I can be awkward, but in my defense, I am incredibly awkward

Going to start growing hair on my chest

“Phew, it’s gonna be a hot one this summer!” I exclaim as I lift my long tiddies to air dry the skin under them.

I don’t mean to brag but it’s mostly because I have nothing to brag about

When the moon hits my eye like a big pizza pie, that’s reflection.

Drafts can change your life, so long as you remember they exist

Guys I just posted

Everyone is pulling out, like your dad

“The fuck you lookin’ at?” “Nothing.” “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I wonder how I’ll get out of my responsibilities today

A man was watching Fox News on his treadmill at the gym tonight and I got off of mine and acted like I was tying my shoe and unplugged his treadmill.

kids, this is the year i start biting and growling