“don’t you have better things to do than ‘skeet’ all day?” bitch, i assure you i do not.

If you’re gonna stab me in the back at least slap my ass while you’re back there

placeholder for post I just forgot

the ideal social network never loads at all

“Enjoy your ‘likes,’ Tina. I hope they were worth my dignity.”

when i get blocked here i block back so that never again shall our paths cross motherfucker (yes i'm petty lololololol)

I love this time of night. Everyone is asleep so I can do whatever I want. Like rn, I'm faded and watching three's company and no one can stop me

i follow so many hot people h anging o n by a t hread

I do not respond well to people ignoring me or paying attention to me.

Willem Dafoe implies the existence of Willem Dafriend

I come from a long line of East Germans waiting to buy bread.

are there a lot of first person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?

GO GET THE SLED!

get in loser, we're going insane

while bluesky was down i read four books, cleaned my garage and baked a soufflé. thank god it’s back

Bluesky is officially the sports app now

The world may never know what my problem is

If the Eurovision Song Contest has taught me anything it’s that the UK is to Europe what the USA is to the rest of the world.

[first date] Him: So what do you do? Her: I’m a methodologist. Him: I didn’t ask about your religion.

who is that tall dude

you should probably clean up all this existential dread, we’ve got company coming over later

It was a test I never should have passed. Is this a test or just a passing moment of ambiguous journey over destination how does life come up with these things? But anyway, I won a trip to multiple choice

For various rights and government subsidy reasons, I now identify as an unborn defense contractor

Gather ye rosebuds mfrs

You guys ever just accidentally space out for 5 to 10 years

you’re allowed to steal posts that don’t use alt text

quoth the raven: fuck that shit

Filled with rage and snot. Pollen is so fun.

say hello to my little friend absolutely nobody looks surprised when i pull out a wheel of cheese as it should be

Okay, random stranger. I'm really not that friendly just polite.

fuckass is the best adjective that's emerged in the past few years. I will not be swayed

A cinnamon roll counts as a breath mint.

lol

I miss you but not log in to FB miss you

promise me you’ll only repost my bangers after I die

be the black sheep you wish to see in the world

I heard this is gonna be the worst el niño in 150 years. Maybe heatstroke will finally get me this year. can't wait!

The irony isn’t really lost on us. It’s just not that funny right now.

my boyfriend goes to a different bluesky

Got my staycation photos back. Some great ones of me standing in front of refrigerator.

“My sexy rampage continues,” I whisper as I finish another 1000 piece puzzle

Frankenstein's monster got a bad rap for how he behaved, but behind it all I think he was good people

Today is Victoria Day in Canada, so, Happy Birthday to you, Posh Spice.

Enjoy your day off, Canada. You’re honouring a queen corpse who thought democracy was a rash. Now let’s all go and buy mulch and pretend that’s freedom.

I learn something new everyday mostly bc I don’t know shit

Woke 2 kicks ass 🌈

if you can't handle me at my "when i get a chance" level you'll surely unfollow at my "how yawl doin" level right?

when drake said “i’ll make that pussy whistle like the andy griffith theme song” i wondered, i had questions

Shoutout to “huh” for being like 85% of my vocabulary