I was on the phone with my son earlier when he started saying random, crazy things. Turns out, he was just reading this car.

the jokes on you guy who told me to go fuck myself. i was going to do that anyway

Ok serious question. If he regenerates everything, can Frankenstein’s creature just orgasm over and over without a break? Did Mary Shelley ever say?

Snug as a bug or possibly on drugs, it’s hard to say.

I imagine what all of you smell like based on your profile pic

I've been changing my avi one pixel at a time for 2 years

You may think you’re on top of things but I’m already in line at Best Buy

I think i may smile today. Gross!

Oh what fun! <derogatory >

Wasted a good skeet on weekend Bluesky again Fml

My neighbor already has their xmas tree up and lights outside... freakin sickos

Ooh, think about this: Christmas worms. The little hats? omg so cute

That lamp looks PISSED.

Poundtown called, they want their cake back

idk how many fellow canadians follow me but quick reminder that i run a canada news & politics feed that kinda kicks ass imho check it out: bsky.app/profile/did:...

Sizzling hot take: Spelling Bee should give you credit for coming up with misspellings of words that are better than the actual word.

Wish I could make people with “Only You” accounts understand how much richer the media experience is by sharing other voices not their own To bask in a community you make and build The kinship The learning The humanity The joy The sorrow The laughter Tear down your walls,Only You Come join us

Why is the G silent in sign and signage but not in signature?

When I was a boy we had to invent snow before we could walk ten miles through it to get to school.

I just like saying meat sauce.

Nearly 40 years old, and it's like today's headlines

if we aren’t slappin’ da bass together hard pass

do you guys think I should update my pfp to something more seasonal, like a closeup of my turkey neck

Theres a section im printing in the debut of worldwide magazine Im looking for the years best OG quote bars of 2025 . 35 + your socials will get printed credit✌🏾

Me recharging my social battery after small talk at a party.

I was too lazy to get underwear from the dryer because I was too lazy to take the clothes from the dryer so I worked from home in sweats with no underwear. I think I unlocked a new achievement.

Just put the potato costume on and let me squirt ketchup on you. Don’t make this weird

I loathe you! <slow wink>

Remember that one time forever and always haunting your nostalgia

“I ate too much” - me every time I eat

They'd never say it to the face of the great and powerful leader of the Emerald City but when he goes to the bathroom some detractors would snidely whisper "more like the Whizzer of Oz," and then snicker.

I'm an 8 but I'm funny af and can cook bomb ass meals

I don't know who needs to hear this but nobody cares.

welcome to Yamaha. do you want a piano or a motorcycle?

She’s a 10 but she won’t stop asking me for an OF discount code.

He's a 10 but he won't give me his OF discount code

as a cia covert ops spy, I can confirm arkansas and oklahoma are super gross

Hmm. This beer tastes like I’m gonna lose my inhibitions tonight… I didn’t want them anyway :)

Well at least I'm not broken enough to post parables on linkedin

Hi, I’m Josh. Yes, after the wine.

add another emoji in your username

I genuinely never care who wins Great British Bakeoff. I just want to see the montage at the end showing the various contestants hanging out and going on vacation with each other's families.

Ask your doctor if being emotionally disconnected to everyone but the people in your phone is right for you

Hey everyone follow and welcome @baseballmomazon.bsky.social Thanks

This is what future celebrities were supposed to be, not politics streamers

Wait, don't go. I can fuck it up more

I'm here for moron support. It's like moral support except I'm a dumbass