My kids go back to school today after a long 2 week break but it's too late, all the snacks in the house have gone extinct.

Having a big heart is a gift. Doesn't mean everyone deserves access to it. Be more selective where you distribute your, time, attention and energy.

Coffee gives me the strength to screw everything up every single day.

I'm just here doing my part to keep the coffee industry financially strong.

Finally realizing that the reason why we always end up with one odd sock everytime we do laundry, is because the dryer eats the sock and barfs it in the lint trap.

Friend text.... Friend: morning... I have two problems can you talk? Me: Have you had coffee? Friend: No, not yet Me: There's the first problem. The second is that you are texting me before I've had mine.

If you don't say "Okie dokie" are you even an adult.

I can't turn water into wine but I can turn water into coffee.

If you've never walked a mile in my shoes then don't tell me I can't wear Velcro.

It would be absolutely amazing waking up with you already inside me...... ~ Coffee

My coworker messaged me on my way to work and asked where I was.... Me talk to text: I'm on my way Phone misunderstood and said: I'm a horny toad Coworker: Me:

I don't care how cute or nice you are. I'm not sharing my coffee.