Etobicoke Ernie
@etobicokeernie.bsky.social
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📥 516
📝 988
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Me: Garlic bread gives me a boner Girlfriend: Can you stop saying that in the restaurant?
about 1 year ago
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Etobicoke Ernie
Twin Dad
about 17 hours ago
I have a special Bluesky account that lets me actually see everyone looking at this post. And, uh, you’ve got some interesting undies….
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[Sic] Burns
about 5 hours ago
I traveled all the way to Wisconsin for this orgy
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Siege
about 23 hours ago
Want to tell my friend he doesn’t take criticism well but it’s tough considering he doesn’t take criticism well.
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[Sic] Burns
about 7 hours ago
Gimme the beat boys and free my soul I wanna get a frosted cinnamon roll And drift away 🎶
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Kellalena
about 1 hour ago
I usually think twice before I think
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Forrest Plump
about 7 hours ago
It was the best of times, it was the black licorice of times
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The Card
about 3 hours ago
“Gettin’ the gang back together!” - Me pretending I’ve had enough friends throughout the course of my life to constitute a gang
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sweetie π
1 day ago
i use the notes app to keep track of my various grievances and now the phone is out of storage
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Etobicoke Ernie
1 day ago
If I say I can’t be annoyed, I’m already annoyed.
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Wilbur72
about 3 hours ago
Just filled up my car with gas. Now I need to tell the fam we can’t afford dinner one night this week.
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Etobicoke Ernie
BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
about 7 hours ago
Going to the amusement park today hopefully I’ll get flung out of a roller coaster or something.
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T is a nature lover, so went on a little road trip for a walk in the woods. I must like her, because I didn’t leave her there
about 4 hours ago
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Etobicoke Ernie
andy vs.
about 6 hours ago
Starting to suspect I've acquired a cursed artifact or two
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Brie
about 4 hours ago
Them: You ok? Me: I did it. I finished a roll of Kirkland parchment paper
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Wilbur72
about 21 hours ago
I know a great joke about procrastination. Maybe I’ll tell it later.
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Etobicoke Ernie
bacon popsicle 🥃
4 months ago
A Netflix style skip intro button but for workdays.
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ash
about 21 hours ago
When in doubt, take a nap.
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
about 12 hours ago
I see you’re really trying. Please regard my like as an A for effort.
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Etobicoke Ernie
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
1 day ago
In Australia, med students do their rotations in the opposite direction.
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Etobicoke Ernie
2 days ago
I don’t believe in sex before or after marriage.
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Etobicoke Ernie
Twitter died
3 days ago
Sometimes you’re the pigeon, sometimes you’re the statue
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Jack
about 8 hours ago
We’re celebrating 25 years of marriage! And 17 or 18 years of being in love!
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Jenny Doesn’t Know
1 day ago
*takes a shot of chocolate milk & slams the glass down* you trying to start shit with me?
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Etobicoke Ernie
🦊 🩵🐦⬛ Fox & Crow, for Bartleby Endeavors 🎥
over 2 years ago
If my neighbors don’t stop having loud sex I’m going to join them and then they’ll really have something to scream about.
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Etobicoke Ernie
Marc
about 7 hours ago
I will throat punch anyone who calls pizza fast food and not a delicacy!
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Going to Home Depot on a Sunday morning to look at paint samples and lighting like some kind of old married couple
about 9 hours ago
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Etobicoke Ernie
☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
2 days ago
I put French dressing on my salad, and now it's wearing a beret and questioning my choice of wine.
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Etobicoke Ernie
Christina, mother of spiders
about 15 hours ago
Did you know that if AC changes "office" to "orifice" in your email you get to meet the folks in HR?
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Etobicoke Ernie
Jason the Average ®️ 💛🤍💜🖤
about 18 hours ago
The Wizard of Oz set very unrealistic expectations of tornadoes.
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Just4funsa
about 12 hours ago
The Sin of this Sunday is believing that you should only have sex with one person at a time...
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Viktor Winetrout
1 day ago
[my wife reading my celebrity cheat list] Mr. Bean isn't a real person
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tara
about 21 hours ago
Nipples are just intrusive thoughts trying to escape your body
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Etobicoke Ernie
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
2 days ago
[my attorney after our first day in court] leave the hula hoop at home tomorrow
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Etobicoke Ernie
Canadian Bacon
about 11 hours ago
Awake at 5:30 on a Sunday. Living the most sick and twisted dream.
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MiloPoint
about 22 hours ago
If I don't keep posting, how will I stay irrelevant?
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NurseBrianRN
1 day ago
dentist: open up, please. me: i think my mom is having an affair with my high school gym teacher.
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La Spaghettissima
4 days ago
I wish i loved anything as much as hotdogs love to be eaten by me
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Etobicoke Ernie
Your Favorite Narcissist
3 days ago
putting ravioli on garlic bread and calling it pizza
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Sweet Russ
1 day ago
Being the only one who can prevent forest fires is stressing me out.
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Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️
1 day ago
Just saw my neighbour pissing into his van, so I guess I’m not the craziest person on my street.
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Etobicoke Ernie
Miss Havishambles
1 day ago
Hey you two, break it up we’re all trying to be miserable here.
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Miss Havishambles
1 day ago
I’d post a selfie but I’m pretty sure people are trying to eat.
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DaddyJew
1 day ago
shout out to hummingbirds for also celebrating happy hour. they get it
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RM
1 day ago
Mike’s Hard Look at Himself In the Mirror
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Idle
4 days ago
Yes that is going to leave a mark, but it will be the only proof I was there.
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Etobicoke Ernie
Opinion Editor @ Bluesky
1 day ago
if you wear your hair in a top knot to the movies I am legally allowed to cut it off so I can see
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Etobicoke Ernie
[Sic] Burns
1 day ago
So insomnia and acid reflux walk into a bar…
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Kellalena
1 day ago
Would cry here again. 5 stars - me, in the shower
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karasocial relationship 💜
1 day ago
my only regret is having no regrets
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MsT Blue
1 day ago
Try a little kindness, bitches.
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