What's my excuse? No, really. A little help here.

Her: Hi. Me: Make sure, cuz I’m probably gonna ruin your life.

The tradition of generosity is lost in cultures where everything has a price.

I don’t like to get political, but when is the price of hockey cards gonna come down?

getting super into gasping lately

santa is more or less a whimsical bigfoot

A weighted blanket, but it’s just someone dropping a grand piano on me.

It's not easy being a person in this fucked world.

Reported your account for ignoring me you big bully.

according to the exit polls everyone thinks you’re a little bitch

Establish dominance in a meeting by bringing donuts and saying no one can have any because they are for a later, more important meeting.

It seems you're already lathering up your kink for receiving down votes.

The challenges of reaching across the aisle

a nice crispy head of lettuce always gets me wondering what that body was like

me: when you assume it makes an ass out of u him: "and me" me: i already mentioned u

it's bad bitch o'clock I say putting on my strawberry shortcake pj pants

I am not fucking nice but I refuse to be unkind.

I’ve found that sometimes, being able to take a breath once or twice in between all the screaming WTF can be therapeutic.

the first 24-48hrs are critical for finding Waldo

What, are you waiting for someone to pay you to repost and like posts? What are your rates?

Cartoon by @mluckovich.bsky.social.

It comforts me to receive notifications that you are posting and wasting your life here too.

Once you have over a thousand followers here, you can die a success. You guys go first

Why the rich don't like using the subway

Chaos is my favourite word that's spelled like it means it.

brain trust fall is that a thing

My five year plan? Probably just to say, “I’m really not feeling it today,” 1,825 times.

I don’t like to brag, but I’m getting pretty good at mental illness.

On your first day of prison, walk up to the biggest guy there and challenge him to a spelling bee

Woke up sanity adjacent again.

Either we solve the myriad problems on this timeline or the old ones materialize and feast on our minds.

What special breed of idiot joins social media to avoid talking to people?

Spring forward, Fall back into seasonal depression.

✨

Art teacher: I think you've misunderstood. It's the models who will be nude. Me: Well this is awkward.

Relax, I wasn't talking about you specifically but "you" in general. Now I'm talking about you idiot.

Selfie

oh baby have I got quirks

I don’t know I write simple poetry I want people to see themselves In my words and feel less alone I don’t know I keep trying to be different I keep hoping it’ll matter I don’t know I need to stop asking I need to stop caring I need I need #poetry

Lady and the Tramp with ribs

balogna + mayonaise = bolognese

Maybe it's a rainbow. Could be a walnut. It makes very little difference anymore anyway.

In Busey we trust.

Anyone know any jaded websites where i can reply bullshit to cunts and dislike everybody’s posts?

I put the effort into writing it, at least you can put in the effort to have someone explain it to you.

Find your passion Unselfish take and give Headlong fall into flesh Light as a pussywillow For love and glory Wholehearted trespass Play for keeps Repeating filthy thoughts

insurance won't cover cataract surgery on my third eye, this country is fucked

On the third day of the time change

2025 Popular Kink search trending…