"The game is apenis!" - Sherlock Holmes during his porn addict phase

The stars, I’ll give ya. But the stripes? Those are gonna cost you.

THEN: The lunatics are running the asylum. NOW: The lunatics have been duly elected to run the asylum despite showing everyone exactly who they are at every possible opportunity.

New comic! Wherein the fellas post-game the long weekend.

It's National Fried Chicken Day, so

Cartoon donuts > All other food

Fortnite: *Adds every character I love from every franchise I love.* Me:

"This is your brain on drugs." My brain's not cool enough to be on drugs, but thanks for rubbing it in.

Some of you have never not been loved, and it shows.

“If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” I live in an efficiency apartment. The kitchen is everywhere.

If you can’t stand the skeet, get out of the Bluesky.

Sony’s next step will be discontinuing physical consoles and then charging us to use our imaginations.

“The book was better.” The book:

The book* was better. *the novelization of Ace Ventura II

“The book was better.” - Me experiencing literally any emotion

WIRED: Thought leader TIRED: Thought lender

When I get around to assembling a league of supervillains, she is so in.

I don't often succeed, but when I do, I don't, actually.

best I can do is wreck myself and then check myself

This life crisis is so mid.

Ghostface: What's your favorite scary movie? Me: You know, that's an interesting question. Are we limiting ourselves to straight-up horror, or is it okay to branch out into subgenres? Lotta good horror comedies out there. Ghostface: I mean... I don't, um... Me: Bro, you asked the question.

"Skabidi, skabidi toilet, folks!" - Porky Pig trying to seem cool to his nephew

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of climate change.

emergency mutual aid help needed I need to get my dog her ACL injury surgery on tuesday So she can walk again. She been hurting for a month or so and it’s awful. I am 2200 short still in the 2700 needed

Sure, the PlayStation 6 won’t support physical media, but at least it’ll also be prohibitively expensive.

The lunatics are running the asylum. And literally everything else, apparently.

The mainstream media on the president’s physical health and cognitive fitness post-Biden.

Wanna know what happens when a Black chef returns to find her family home reclaimed by a white family? Sinners meets The Menu in the horror novella, FEAST open.substack.com/pub/weeklych...

I guess when you think about it, shooting off fireworks at 2:00 in the morning with zero regard for how other people (and animals) stand to be impacted by your inconsideration is pretty much the most American thing ever.

So are all of us going to chip in to get one of those singing birthday cards for America?

The new season of X-Men '97 called this one to mind.

I think I'm ready for a polite awakening.

Everyone’s posting their senior pics at the other place, so

"I'm the least flexible person I know." "Physically or emotionally?" "Yes."

Maybe it's a matter of me hating everything and being generally anti-fun, but I legit do not understand the appeal of non-professional fireworks. "Well, it looks like shit, but at least I endangered my safety and annoyed the crap out of my neighbors!"

Seeing all the new summer anime that premiered today vs. realizing there's no universe in which I have the time to watch all of it.

Stalled at $219/$1100 for 5 hours. Please consider helping! 💕💸

Props to the universe for allowing me to be awake for almost 20 minutes before presenting me with a stressful situation over which I have virtually no control.

From 2021.

World discarded my ass so hard.

BREAKING: DOJ moves to indict extreme heat for mortgage fraud.

New comic! Wherein Cord is a true patriot.

Happy 4th from Silas Soupbear!

A scorned frat dude is like, "As you bro, bro shall you reap."