No approval left to measure, am I right? … No, but he *is* still supported by a disturbingly large percentage of the country.

That’s my emotional support joke I haven’t thought of yet.

New comic! Wherein Jenkins takes weaponized incompetence to the next level.

An UN-cruel twist of fate would certainly be a welcome change of pace.

Be particular about your food (unless that food is soup).

Me: *quits caffeine cold turkey* Universe:

SPOILER: He abstains from doing the coke after realizing that nothing can be more uncool than being Kirk Cameron.

Are all the human characters in this film anthropomorphized versions of the white marbles?

“Unofficial” because the hippo isn’t blue or pink.

If I have reservations about posting it at 4:00 in the morning, it’s either a forever resident of my drafts folder or the best joke ever.

So “character limit” refers to letters and numbers, and not actual *character*? I’ve been holding myself back for two years for nothing, apparently.

“I trust you about as far as I can throw you!” I mean, you seem like a pretty good thrower, so thank you.

Did I miss my chance to say, "It's feelin' DRAFTY in here"?

New comic! Wherein the guys post-game National Poop Day.

Beware of overindulgence (with regard to anything but soup).

When the temp’s above freezing for the first time in weeks… and you suddenly a hear a loud clap of thunder.

Kid Rock is short for Just Kidding Rock.

More like “Mid Rock,” am I right?

Existing somewhere between pre-apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic kinda sucks, actually.

“This’ll be the best thing you see today,” and it’s fucking AI slop.

Best I could hope for, honestly.

The huge icicle under my car melting right before I had the pleasure of kicking it.

That’s my emotional support inability to handle anything.

Got me some of that sweet chronic (stress).

A slasher film in which the villain is a self-help guru entitled “Life Hack.”

Drop some birds.

So between my two comics, I've now reached 100 strips for 2026 (on the off-chance that my math is correct).

New comic! Wherein the guys unpack the big game.

Happy National Pizza (with Soup on the Side) Day!

My fecta? Tri.

My fixation? Hyper.

I mean, if anyone would know affronts, it’s this guy.

I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness. Fine, goodness. Fine, okayness. Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeing extremely generous. Fine, getting re-posted by a mid-sized account that’s feeling extremely generous and also being paid by me.

From 2024. Wherein it's game day for the guys.

What, you've never heard of maintaining a brand?

May all your bowls be super.

From 2024. Wherein Jenkins preps for game day.

The Muppet Show getting so much attention this week has me wondering why Muppets Tonight (the ‘90s Muppet Show update that lasted two seasons) is unavailable to purchase or stream and has never received a home video release. (I feel like the answer is always some version of “music rights.”)

I think I know what happened.

You gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to... *checks notes*… PARTY?! What about my right to fully retreat from society and be left the hell alone?

“It’s not a good idea to take your heart rate or blood pressure when you’re in a panicked state.” So I never have to take either one? Nice!

When this first aired, my local Fox affiliate put up a crawl that listed areas impacted by a developing storm. And when Shary sang, “You’re all a bunch of apes,” the crawl emitted a bleeping noise over “apes,” leading me to believe she was swearing. (Which, honestly, is funnier.)

Speed of light < Speed at which a show vanishes from every streaming platform the instant I decide to revisit it

I’ll use your product after I shampoo my hair on one condition

From last year. Wherein Cord has questions.

From last year. Wherein Jenkins gets stoked for game day.

From 2023. Wherein the guys unpack the big game.

Get psyched for game day (and the soup commercials associated therewith)!