Unstable but in cute way

believe me when I say i fucked a mermaid

To smithereens is the worst way to be blown.

a watched skeet never bangs

A watched skeet never bangs

Y’all don’t know it yet, but I’m your favorite.

Look at you. Leaning forward, elbows on your knees. You’ve been in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time. Get off the toilet and get back to work

My doctor told me I have a week left, so i knocked him the fuck out. WHO HAS A WEAK LEFT NOW, BITCH?!

“Only a sith deals in absolutes” ………… That’s an absolute, Obi-Wan.

i’m not a drinker. i’m a dranker

This is a banger. Like it.

Don’t tell me to read between the lines when we’re playing tic tac toe. I’m afraid of intimacy.

Eating four bags of bacon bits for dinner

When I black out, I’m better at beer pong. I can’t remember if that’s true or not, but you can’t convince me otherwise.

putting all my extra points in the napping skill

Cream cheese hates you

i fucking hate cream cheese

today can go to hell

That’s a skeet

I’ve never been good at Janga. I just suck at pulling out

My toxic trait is I have toxic traits.

Sorry, had to turn the webcam off. I was grabbing some tits.

you can still be sober if you don’t get drunk drunk

I’m getting sick and tired of work cutting into my “sitting around doing nothing” time.

i could heave a ho rn

If you card once, you’ll cardigan

calls dibs on your joke for a skeet

morning would if you were here

If she’s coming, she’s cumming

holy shit. for a second i almost forgot about the alamo

I’m definitely one to fuck a gift whore in the mouth

I judge people based on their character. Unrelated, what are you rolling for your next D&D campaign?

The moon is a slut and I love that for her

I’m a slut for sluts

Slut it up this weekend. You deserve it

You SLUT [me flirting]

It’s a slut eat slut world out there

Be the slut you want to see yourself in

When she says she doesn’t like oral

Trying to drown my sorrows in vodka and vaj

Normalize exposing shitty parents

Tried rolling rock the other day. Not a fan.