omfg dude yeah spam liking my media will get me to fall in love with you for sure definitely do that that's the secret

Warning: may cause spontaneous swooning

It’s the weekend now and I regret making the plans I made when I was extroverted

Iced coffee is a scam by big milk to make you drink more milk

I need someone to follow me around with a spray bottle and say “no” occasionally

putting the cutie back in charcuterie

sometimes your brain is too tired to shitpost

Here's a thought: don't

I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck

It’s always “I wanna post a banger” and never “I wanna bang a poster”.

Me: I have something for you *slides you the phone number for my therapist*

A late night Deviwestside snack plate

My central nervous system is a nervous system

I don’t believe in karma. I believe in the consequences of your actions

I’m not spiraling. I’m popping, locking and dropping it

Skimming quickly down my feed I first read this as “hot Cheeto guns” and I had a lot of follow up questions.

*slaps printer* I can print so many things now

Please clap for me. I successfully set up my wireless printer

Hi I’m Devi and I’m addicted to Hot Cheeto Funyuns

Him: I have trees planted in my honor Me: wow, I didn’t realize I was in the presence of royalty

I'm not spiraling, I'm pirouetting

It's not enough for me to just go through the motions, I have to live the energy I'm feeling, just completely yeet it out to the universe loudly and unabashedly, and see what returns back to me

I don’t believe in karma. I believe in the consequences of your actions

I put my human suit on one tentacle at a time, just like everybody else

Watching The Boys is like biting into a cookie thinking it’s chocolate chip only to find out it’s oatmeal raisin

the problem with falling in love with me is that i’m just too easy to love and also very full of love for everything in the entire universe. my heart is in a full blown slutty era.

Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people

EDM is like therapy but with more lasers and less accountability

My central nervous system is a nervous system

i have nipples bluesky, could you milk me??

what if we kissed and went to bed early

Hump day? More like when will this week be over day

Yall should follow Shaun 🫶🏻🖤

Back on my Metalcore bullshit

the downside of having a bunch of ADHD friends is we keep forgetting about eachother

Let’s just say the math is mathing and the vibes are vibing

I just went from greatly amusing myself to Great Depressing myself all in the span of a single thought

i would like to go big and go home

3 sales for the day and no more sales demos. Can I be done for the day?

i’m not a veteran but i have served cunt

i love joking about my lore but then i remember that shit really happened to me

Happy Veterans Day to everyone who served 🫡 🖤

Master of the “I saw your message but don’t want to be too eager and open it now so I’ll wait 10 minutes and then forget you messaged me”

Netflix and did you know this actor was in <insert movie here>?

me, as a therapist: omg samesies

I make more typing mistakes when I look at my keyboard as opposed to not looking at it Is there science behind this?

Why haven’t you fallen in love with me yet? You a coward or somethin?

I’m going to say “Same Thing” more now. Even if the two things aren’t the same